Do I differ from a criminal
Is the difference minimal?
I want money, so does he
He just wants it more, you see
So much more that he takes it,
if there’s a rule, he breaks it,
builds himself rationalizations,
Tosses off justifications
We all rationalize,
dress our motives in disguise.
He feels entitled, so much nerve
But don't we feel we deserve?
Though we know its not right
We feel envy, rage, and spite
So maybe those knobs are turned up more
I'd like to ask him, but he'd be sore.
Is it a matter of degree?
Or is there a chasm between him and me.
Is it life's blows made him that way?
Was he moldable like clay?
Good men have done bad things
Like an angel that lost wings
Is there a lift to regain the crown
or is there just one way; and that way's down?
"I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities" ~ from The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain
What causes war?
Why does it perpetuate?
Power? Greed? Money?
Man's obsession with lining his pockets,
his valuation of money
above humanity,
above the earth that ultimately supports us?
The separation of the leaders,
those who profit,
and the complicit followers,
from those wielding the physical murder weapons?
Rationalizations?
Does money, which has no heart,
rule leaders and marketers,
who, in turn,
leverage and manipulate
emotions, tribalism, us vs. them?
Click.
I don't understand it,
but I wonder
if we all share part of
the guilt.
Memories form in colors
vibrant, vivid, varied
by Time diminished
as the echo filters reality
Each person's process unique ...
Echoes form organically
Desires, wishes, dreams,
hopes, aspirations, schemes,
inclinations, rationalizations,
attracted to then reflected off
Life's hardened surfaces
Discordant reverberation
increasing, subsiding,
in constant flux colliding,
with reality abiding ...
Perceptions construed
from the magnitude of
echoes merging as one ~
Life's composite echo filtering reality!
Sheer Fear
Pink horizons mollifies probing eyes as clouds dissipate above
To the heavens bow gratitude where migrant birds hang glide
Venerated cosmic gods who quieted his pain then gave it love
Yet dusk arrived now this restless heart have no place to hide
A raging sea within me foresee fragmented ancient reflections
Impervious to heavenly rays of interminable mystical sunrises
Averse in utilizing rationalizations amending illogical emotions
Sheer fear appear sinister when incongruity incessantly arises
10/31/23
Aboard cruise liner:
Vision of the Seas
Greyed cloudscape:
Even the leaves
have, true to their name,
left the Sky.
Readying work is
done.
Flowers, matings, done.
Repairs and preparations,
all made.
The only work remaining
is excuses.
Exculpations of a worn Self.
Rationalizations
follow realizations
which have long
followed idealizations.
Winter is coming
like a 30 ton steaming
locomotive (crazy motive)
let loose, downhill, and
feeling late to station.
I remember, though,
that surely as the cowcatcher
comes, threateningly
racing towards my Now,
it carries with it
an end of itself
a caboose, a Spring.
And so, though Winter
comes, so too does
it's End.
It probably won’t matter
Whatever I say you crush
The know-it-all refuses to listen
The conceit of a fool is so rigid
Unable to admit your arrogance
Positive advice is sound
Not attacking one’s ego
It’s acceptable to be uninformed
An open mind recognizes intent
God is the only know-it-all being
Declare your validations
Excuses all heard before
Nobody compares to your intellect
You already know whatever I say
Self legendary opinion means fool
I desire the best for you
No sense to demoralize
I’m not insulting your intelligence
There’s no call for rationalizations
Nor arguments to my interventions
Our connection I lavish
Listen, accept direction
April 2, 2018
Small gauge large sound
could be trivia profound
Stations and shunters
red lights for the punters
Small member large auto
mobile cars pars pro toto
In silly banter we trust
French letters a must
But remember the other
Freud had a mother
In Victorian Vienna he toiled
his thoughts rather soiled
In mind he bonked on the couch
dirty old man sought to debauch
Those wicked rationalizations
what a treat for all nations
Kill thy father bonk thy pother
plenty of perversity to smother
So deliriously stupid it seems
it is all in all in those dreams
Yet morbid mortality calls
when the man stumbles and falls
He walked a tight sleezy rope
cocaine was his grand old dope
When the wicked go mad
it culminates bad and sad
High volume tiny shackles
still nonsense’s trifle crackles
All quiet again at the libido check out
Sigmund is dead long live the doubt
Its been a while,
Since iv'e smiled
You remind me of her.
That sounds bad,
But don't be mad
Because your heart is more pure.
Its hard to love
the push and shove
and how it gets so much harder
but seeing your face
and sharing your space,
makes me feel like it started.
This is different,
I feel strange. It's like my psyche has shifted.
Like an ape, all of the sudden becoming mathematically gifted.
My brain cells light up like charged tesla coils
My heart is aflame , and my blood starts to boil
But why? for who?
It's not her. It's for you.
No i can't explain it.
And i WONT detain it.
No rationalizations.
No words to describe it.
I love, therefore i am
My emotions swarm, clouding all rational judgement. My pain is a storm in my heart, my suffering the rain that pours down. I wish tears to fall, to release a part of my agony, but no. My body betrays me. I am a burden to myself, and those around me. Just useless garbage, nobody needs me.
I try to regain logic, I try and push past the storm. I reach out to my phone, but don’t even get as far as turning it on before the winds pull me back again. My heart is past logic, all that remains are twisted rationalizations.
It takes all the willpower I have to remain where I am. I pull my knees to my chest and tremble in fear of myself. I will the storm to pass, to settle down for at least a little while, but it rages on, pulling me down with it.
Even the next morning the storm will remain. Dark clouds shadow my heart, though the rain will have ceased. The storm is my endless battle, one that will never clear away. I often dream of blue skies, and true happiness and I realize that I do not know how.I have become so used to the storm in my heart, that I could not live without it! I act and pretend so much that I have started to believe my own lies.
Ignominious consecrations - Arise.
Through tainted, synoptic eyes
With condescending erroneous lies
Despicable temptations - tease and denies
My nemesis creation,
insatiable appetites are no excuse
Rationalizations
A pernicious fight, senseless; a tightening noose
Ridiculous questions, insidious addictions
Perspectives; painful views of captive
Suicidal intentions
Dauntless drug-use & countless late nights
A senseless tightening noose
Abject & lost in the rinse
An insincere truth, a pernicious fight
Without sense, squandered youth
Enslaved without any rights.
END
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FORMAT
Life is full of expectations regulations-- evaluations
Rationalizations
Poetry provides perfect protection-- preventing
Pre-empting
Facilitating fanciful feelings--fictional
Fascinations
FORMAT—WHERE IS THE FREEDOM IN THAT?
Hopefully whole and dreadfully broken.
Rejoiced hearts, shattered dreams, unbearable pain.
The destiny of one, the fate of a million, different
Kinds of faces, tremendous joy or excessive pain
Hangs, like a portrait on a rusty nail,
On the spurious promises of ephemeral minds.
An expeditious wall of wretched waves crashing
On my mind like planes on terra firma.
The promises I have failed to keep, cost
Me dearly, berating my heart and robbing my sleep.
Anathemas form in my mind, I punch my pillow,
Longing to escape my shame, etched in my feet.
My feelings are stronger than ever
Evanescent flings with rationalizations
Leave me plunged in new discomfort.
I cannot run from my actions
I have to turn myself in-
to the man I should become.
Promises are the colours
Expressing the art of my content.
I crumble, re-erect and re-assess
Myself. The final mask has not been cast,
To the soles of my feet.
People who mean nothing and those
Who mean all, unlock my heart
And make me feel everything.
Promises are the epitome of me,
Stumbling in fates' cage, I yearn
A whole heart, by an honored promise.
Words betray me
Abandoning in the time
Of their need
Thoughts escape
Unfaithful thoughts, evaporate
I panic
Memories, sweet memories
Please come rushing back
I need to recall
I have to narrate
Emotional blackmail
Whatever it takes
I can beg
I can plead
Just don't walk away
From us
From me
Give me a minute
A minute in exchange of years
For I have to search
Words, thoughts and memories
I grope
I grab
But they slip
Evading my lips
I am trying
Wait
Listen
Today cursed, I am
Tongue tied, I hear
His rationalizations
His justifications
Babbling
Mumbling
And then foot steps
Foot steps-
The last sound of his
To echo
And it will
Forever
In moments of my unforgivable silence
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