IT’S SIMPLE, SIMON
Simple Simon met the pieman,
In the superstore.
He asked how much, the pieman said,
“Two pounds twenty-four.”
“They used to be a penny,”
Simon said with indignation.
The pieman said, “Since this was written,
They’ve been subject to inflation.”
Simon said, “I’m stoney broke,
Times are very hard.
I haven’t any cash left
And I’ve maxed my credit card.”
“I’m sorry,” said the pieman.
“That’s a very sorry tale.
Why don’t you go outside and put
Your Rolls Royce up for sale?”
Categories:
pieman, food, money, nursery rhyme,
Form: Rhyme
Give This Guy a Chance
Throw in
Rowen
The Hypochondriac
Dyin’
Eyan
So Generous is He
Giver
River
The Sneaky One
Wily
Riley
The Parachutist
Glider
Ryder
Legal in Half the States
Ruby’s
Doobies
Cute as a Lass
Bonny
Ronny
So Sweet
Randy’s
candies
Always at the Beach
Randall’s
Sandals
Swam to Florida
Cuban
Rueben
Too Stocky for His Race Horse
Jockey
Rocky
Give him a Hanky, Please
Clammy
Sammy
Prefers Prosecution
Lawyer
Sawyer
Guy with Allergies
Itchy
Richie
Time to Land
Fly low,
Shiloh
Always on Dialysis
Sydney’s
Kidneys
A Simple Rapping Pieman
Rhymin’
Simon
Ballerino
Twirling
Sterling
Why He Was Put in Time Out
Sinbad
be bad
The Guy Whose Buttons Pop off
Glutton
Sutton
Categories:
pieman, humorous,
Form: Footle
SIMPLE SIMON SAID TO THE PIE MAN
HOW MUCH FOR A PIECE OF YOUR WIFE'S PIE
THEN THE PIEMAN, QUICK AS AN EYE MAN
PUNCHED SIMPLE SIMON RIGHT IN THE EYE
Categories:
pieman, nursery rhyme,
Form: Rhyme
When Simple Simon met the pieman going to the fair,
He thought the guy an easy mark he could con out of his wares.
But the pieman glared at him and hissed,
"Bub, I ain't no danged pie-lanthropist!
Admit I must, you've got some crust,
But show me dough and then my wares I'll share."
Categories:
pieman, humor, nursery rhyme,
Form: Light Verse
My one true love was Simon,
Simple, they called him,
But one day he went to the faire
And met Norah Pieman.
Oh, that girl was clever
She enticed Simon with her wares
And stole him plum away from me.
Now they live above the bakery,
Specializing in pies of every kind,
With bread and biscuits, too.
Categories:
pieman, lost love,
Form: Verse
Simple Simon whistled, when he pricked his finger on a thistle,
And the pieman had whistled too.
Because the penny that Simon gave to the pieman,
Was a penny all shiny and new
The pieman threw the penny into the pail of water.
In hopes that he'd find himself a buck
But the pieman's naughty daughter, dipped her hand in the water
Stole the penny and ran away, yelling...Good Luck!
Complex Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Julia Ward
1/19/2022
Categories:
pieman, humorous,
Form: Free verse
Simple Simon
was the pieman
who worked at the fair
Simple Simon
caught the eye of
a fair haired lady there
said Simon
to the fair hair
come and taste my ware
take a bite
if you like
and tell me of my ware
says Fair Hair
to Simple Simon
tis the worst pie ever tried!
it crossed my eyes
and pruned my face
i thought that i had died
says Simon to Fair Hair
won't you buy a pie
for it only cost a penny?
Fair Hair says Simple Simon
if I had a penny
indeed I still would not buy any
Complex Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Julia Ward
1/17/2022
Categories:
pieman, fantasy, food,
Form: Free verse
PIE HARD
the meringue explodes
squishes twixt heroes bare toes
and the pieman laughs
lemon gel hits cop
on the crusty street down low
“join the party, pal”
Christmas is a time
to pie hard, “yippee ki yay”
with model wise guys
bad apples at large
the hero’s jotting down names
for a half-baked plot
temperature rising
the elevator opens
Macintosh is dead
momentum of pie
thief loses his grip...forfeits
a victory slice
11/19/2018
PUNNY HOLIDAY PIES CONTEST
SPONSOR - Michelle Faulkner
Snippets loosely based on “Die Hard”
Categories:
pieman, humorous,
Form: Choka
Spectacles, tests tickle, a wallet and a watch...
"never leave your house, without such...
Remember the rhyme, little sister of mine..."
This was said,
when we grew up.
What I read, in my head
is that a test tickles...
On the wall et,
that egg is fickle.
Did it fall? Did you watch?
And I never left my house
without such...
things as my eyes.
"A test tickles"...
"An egg is fickle and
a cat was jumping the mood!"
Was she rude?
Did the cow say wow?
Or did he think it crude?
A spectacle? Yes,
through fret and pickles...
A test....
yes,
An egg is fickle
when the pieman tickles,
the spoon... is it noon? Yet.
Where are my glasses?
Oh... just on my head.
Is that the test?
What brother said?
Categories:
pieman, adventure, fantasy, friendship, funny,
Form: I do not know?