I have a very childlike mind,
I've never left my childhood behind,
Most people think that I am daft,
Cos childish thoughts make me laugh,
It's ridiculous but sublime!
Categories:
peta, 10th grade,
Form: Limerick
I just received a letter of warning
From the people of PETA no doubt
Informing me they've seen what I do for meals
I think the chicken must have ratted me out
Well you can rest easy cause I can assure you
The poultry in question felt no harm
And the chicken also was taken
From a free range organic natural farm
The letter held all the usual jargon
About lawyers and lawsuits and such
It's not like the chicken was wasted
After all was said and done I had her over for lunch
So let me tell all you people at PETA
Don't get your panties all up in a wad
Right after the egg for breakfast she laid, I supplied the Preparation H
Then carried her gently to the chopping block
Categories:
peta, funny, humor,
Form: Light Verse
PETA snooping in
Calaveras County; frog
cannot jump
Categories:
peta, funny,
Form: Haiku
PETA Sings, “Oh How We Love
Our Feathered Friends”
By Elton Camp
For the rights of birds, PETA is an advocate
Those who mistreat them, they truly do hate
A flock of blackbirds plagued a neighborhood
To drive them away, residents did all they could
A PETA member learned of their cruel plot
And said to do such wrong, they should not
“Blackbirds have the same right to live as you.
You should happily tolerate damage they do.”
“Their chattering sounds like sweet music to me.
Bird droppings on your cars I don’t mind to see.”
The folks finally forced the birds to move away
To the PETA member’s block they went to stay
When his own car the filthy droppings did cover
“Kill those birds,” yelled the fickle animal lover
Categories:
peta, funny,
Form: Rhyme
Free range kitchen; cherished pets all around
In adjoining rooms animistic shrines abound
No clucking, cackling pens we'll hound
But residual carcases we'll gladly impound
A docile harvest plucked from the ground
No pork butts, rump roasts, filets to astound
Only our bleating hearts with consciences tightly wound
Thankfully a Speckled goose cannot be bound
With spindly greens our pristine figures we'll round
With a large caldron of bloody beets our carniverous friends confound
Replace the Carolina turkey with a tofu gam
No Picnic ham only Vegetarian Spam
Cancel the Giblet gravy; with spicy curry our imitations drown
A hearty Lentil soup; bouillon not a gram
Categories:
peta, animals, devotion, food,
Form: Rhyme
PETA Gets a Lesson in Reality
By Elton Camp
In one place, it was with very good reason
That on hunting bears it was open season
But when PETA learned of this evil town,
With bleeding hearts they then came around
“We don’t care how many humans they kill
They are sentient beings and give us a thrill.”
“Bear life is just as important as any other
And to all animals, we are a loving brother.”
A PETA member went to set out some food
A bear spotted him and began to behave crude
As, in terror, the animal lover began to flee,
The bear thought, “He looks delicious to me.”
And while the fanatic the bear savagely ate,
He wished he’d kept his priorities straight
(This is about an animal rights group that many
consider to have extreme views. Happily, the
incident is only imaginary.)
Categories:
peta, animalsanimal, animal,
Form: Rhyme
PETA Condemns the Pied Piper
By Elton Camp
PETA thought the piper shouldn’t treat rats that way
So due to his villainy, they had the following to say:
Rats are sentient beings with rights equal to a human
So because of what the Pied Piper did, we are fumin'
The rats had the right to live in Hamelin there’s no doubt
And what he should have done is to drive the people out
Not to lead the rats off and make them drown in the river
To hear of such dire cruelty just makes good PETA quiver
Categories:
peta, funny
Form: Rhyme