Animal Parody Poems

Don't eat the bear 
and the bear won't eat you
Don't stomp on flowers
Don't spit on the dew
If you are a bad person
your life will worsen
But...

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Some people say a man is made out of ham
I say he's made out of mussel and clam
Mussel and clam, oyster and crab,
Spread like a...

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...But of course the sun banished the moon,
Ripper woke his normal size,
his stomach quite big from the rib roast,
but otherwise he seemed fine.
At first, I...

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It was probably three weeks ago
when I sent my dog outside,
he had all of his business to do,
then he’d come in for the night.
I busied...

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man, man

you search yourself and you search yourself for life
the same as when macaca is searching for lice:

- with the monkey sister you nibble on...

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We six sheep of Bethlehem be
Bogg, Whiff, Wheep, the triplets and me*
We all get fed and sleep in this shed
It's simple, but so are we!

O...

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What you say to a cat what a cat thinks

I want to lick everything you look at everything there’s nothing over there for you that’s...

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In the winter I realize 
I became a cat moving from one cozy spot to the next. 
I stretch and lay. 

I watch the snowfall...

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Rider on the storm
Rider on the storm
I want to eat a worm
I want to eat a worm
I want to be the germ
Infecting your epiderm
Rider on...

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It was always for the dyeing.
See the amazing 
two headed asexual 
gang of socialite housewives 
revealed on prime time
for their anti-social media 
love for handguns...

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Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?


A...

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When religion was born, 
It was a small defenceless animal,
But soon found mankind’s problems to nurture it.

As time went on religion grew stronger and larger
It...

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I was old when he was a baby
my feline loved me ardently, but he drove me crazy.

He loved to play at midnight when everyone slept,
Chewed...

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Baby shark, voh dee oh doh
Baby shark, voh dee oh doh
Baby shark, voh dee oh doh
Baby shark, voh dee oh doh

Momma shark, voh dee oh...

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You can get anywhere you want
On Hannibal's elephant
You can get anywhere you want
On Hannibal's elephant
Climb right up, ride on her back
Take you 'bout a mile...

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