Mister Alfred
Mister Alfred
Alfred, the pianist who is also my father
although he denies the paternity vehemently,
was in Hawaii and played the ukulele with
Had little success and returned to Europe.
Alfred, the pianist and also my father, could
get the sweetest tones when he played and
women swooned in other men’s arms,
was when not playing of a rather sullen nature
He spent the day walking around town with
In an alpaca jacket and a French bonnet, he looked ever
artistic, and I followed him around, once when I fell
A bollard got in the way; he did help me up and
I`m not your father!
Alfred, the pianist and also my father, got to be
ninety-two, and in the last years of his life was glad
to have a son, even if it was a fake one, as Alfred
was fond of pointing out
Lovey dovey in seventy-four
a large wedding, top hats at every door
blushing bridesmaids, each dressed in red
bride has lost weight, has she even been fed?
There are six children by eighty-six
the bride is now heavy, extremely thick
by ninety there are two more children to feed
bride cannot fit on a thousand-pound steed
groom loses interest by ninety-two
runs off with a younger woman, with eyes of blue
Her mother warns “he’ll do the same to you.”
She has six children when he leaves her too.
It is Saturday afternoon
everybody and their uncle is in Target
buying things they will put into garage sales next summer
their red shopping carts are full
I had brought my friend here to get a shingles shot
Since she is ninety-two and has a walker, I parked her at the door
I won’t be here but a minute, she tells me.
She is right; she was there ninety minutes
I could have knit a sweater while I waited
If I had brought yarn and knitting needles
And if I remembered how to knit.
Gladys, an old lady, forgot she was ninety-two
Her body cannot do what it could at fifty-two
She climbed the farmer’s fence and dropped down six feet
Broke her hip, elbow and neck, said her son, Old Pete
In the hospital waiting for surgery
Ninety-two! She yelped. Surely that cannot be!
Old Pete stomped off angry, and left her with me.
I get his goat good sometimes, she told me with glee.
"As the day ends, one is closer to heaven." By Poet
My neighbor is old,
she can be very bold.
Loving to wear lots of fancy gold,
and decrepit I am told.
You know age is just a thing,
numbers one wants to ring.
How old are you,
that number may make you blue.
They tell me I am a decrepit ninety-two,
but I can still tie each shoe.
Honey - age is all in one's mind,
seeing myself as twenty-five to all mankind.
I may not be well defined,
but I will always be kind.
Every word is a choice
The notebook page is hungry
She needs verbs
Her blank page excites me
Verbs are my favorites too
I give her a teaspoonful of jumping, dancing, and twirling
She gulps that down with gusto
Gives me a nod
I feed her a tablespoon of whirling, skipping and hopping
Followed by a cup of adjectives
I like her to have a balanced diet
Exciting, thrilling, beautiful, marvelous, entertaining
More adjectives? Black, salty, red, inky, personable
Where are my nouns? The page asks.
I ponder. Dragon? Unicorn? Witch? Pillow case?
She laughs
Pillowcase it is.
I take out my pen.
A ninety-two year-old whirling twirling pillowcase was having
An exciting, marvelous, beautiful entertaining visit, wowing
The other women in the next church pew.
Old peddler wanted a new home design.
He hired Mable, a decorator, and all was fine.
Until she decided to redecorate him too.
I don’t want to change he said, I am ninety-two.
Mable was forceful, she did not hear the word no.
She took lots of his money, and created some woe.
He sits outside his house now, for it reminds him of her.
A bossy overbearing woman, who felt like a bur.
Three thousand five hundred and ninety-two fish in the sea
And I had to find a catfish who took a bite out of me
The waves were crashing, but I still felt his teeth okay.
That murderous fish bit me, then went gliding away.
Three thousand five hundred and ninety-two grains of sand
Landed in my bucket when I finally found myself back on dry land.
A frog came over to give me a little understanding and empathy.
The catfish had tried to take a bite out of him too, you see.
Three thousand five hundred and ninety-two steps to my car.
If I had known my leg was going to hurt, I would not have parked so far.
Clyde the catfish got you, eh? An old timer in a fishing hat asked me.
He’s the orneriest and oldest fish in this deep blue sea.
Three adventuresome triplets were challenging the forest of the fey
When the sky turned to night, and the regular colors turned away.
A psychedelic hue came upon everything they saw including them.
Neon purples and turquoises changed every mushroom leaf and limb.
There she is, said Weewee, the leader of the triplet three.
Indeed, she was, right in front of them, the Goddess Missy Mee.
In the form of a giant jellyfish, as promised by the prophecy.
It is as the soothsayer told us, said Weewee’s sister Twee.
Their brother Bart was terrified, he hid his eyes under his cloak.
They were overcome with snickering from an overbearing oak.
It’s not nice to make fun of people, Weewee said to the tree.
I was laughing at something else he said, “Please excuse me.”
Goddess Missy Mee gave them some ideas, put them into their head.
Let them wander around, thinking about them, before they went to bed.
Utilized these ideas when they grew up, converted others thoughts too.
Many journeyed out here to see Missy Mee, I was one of ninety-two.
she’s a bit round he was quickly told
they forgot to mention she was truly old
she can play music and sing well too
Her teeth are straight, her hair is blue
She has a sense of humor tall as a giraffe
You should hear this woman truly laugh
She would be a terrific blind date for you
They never mentioned she was ninety-two
winter is on hold
October feels like summer
Kansas looks like the Ozarks
hills and trees, trees and hills
ninety-two degree day in late October
weirdly no longer abnormal in Kansas
autumn sparkles with shiny colors
her leaves twinkling and winking in the breeze
the forest is full of golds and reds today
walnuts are piling under my tall leafless tree
there should be a coolness, it is autumn, right?
but it is ninety-two degrees, odd for Kansas
this is nearly mid October, too warm for fall
I sit outside and smell charcoal from neighbors
homecoming game will be toasty warm
plaid skirts and tennis shoes can be replaced by tiny dresses
wraps unnecessary this year, even though it is autumn
unnaturally warm, unless the weather changes fast
legos were invented ninety-two years ago
in 1933
their name came from two Danish words
leg godt
meaning “plays well”
six lego bricks can be made into 915, 000, 000 configurations
I have no idea how research knows this
I imagine this was calculated by a computer
Lego makes more mini tires a year than
Goodyear makes automobile tires
In my family Legos were not a hit until the 1990’s.
I had no idea they were invented in 1933
John did not try hard with his first wife
she was married, he was not
second wife cheated on him
served him right, he deserved that.
third wife was an accident.
They had gotten drunk in Vegas
Too many chapels there
and too many drinks
Fourth wife thought saying “I am his fourth” was funny
Her disposition was dour, she stopped being sunny.
He got tired of her sense of humor.
Fifth wife died of a cancerous leg tumor.
At age ninety-two he just married wife number twenty-one.
Wishing he had tried harder with wife number one.
Constance Canstinople had connubial concentration
Every date was a grilling, not a joyful celebration.
She spoke of having children with men she barely knew
She stayed single all of her years until she died at ninety-two.
All she wanted was marriage, her nephews and nieces said.
Too bad that she never got to wear her veils and now she’s dead.
But we can reap the benefits of the wedding gowns she collected.
Full of pearls, sequins and lace, beautiful when inspected.
Constance had been too pushy, but she would be better next time.
This is what she said to her main guardian angel Clementine.
Clementine hoped for the best and sent her back as a baby girl.
On her spank she thought “satin dresses and on each a big pearl!”
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