Long Worrying Poems
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Sometimes healing is messy
It is a rollercoaster
Ups and downs
Sometimes I can handle it
Other times I lose control
I say I am in recovery for my bulimia
But I still struggle
I still consider pushing myself that extra hour in the gym
I think skipping lunch that day won't hurt
I sometimes spend too much time looking at teeth enamel strengthening toothpaste and whitening strips
I only look at healthy snack like plain rice cakes and original sun chips
Carboard is not the most appealing flavor
But it is the safest one
I don't have to feel guilty when I eat them
I won't need to punish my body later
Some days though
I will eat the birthday cake and not worry about it later
I will still go to the gym but only spend 30 minute there not 2 hours
I brush my teeth not worrying about if i will cause any damage to them from a purge
Healing is messy
Somedays are easier than others
But I know that I am trying my hardest.
I landed in slammer with Trixie, a red-headed prostitute with hilarious stories.
Pretty soon her friend Lulu was tossed in. They sat in the corner giggling.
I sat on the opposite side of the cell, laughing with them until they noticed.
Which is when I began silently laughing, pretending I was not listening.
Miss Baylis a shoplifter came in next. She had been falsely accused.
She was angry and wanted to tell everyone. The hookers stopped talking.
We all three sat and listened to her for hours. Her stories were hilarious.
Pretty soon we were all four laughing at Miss Baylis’ stories.
Dour guard brought in pizza; which was terrific. We had not expected this.
Someone yelled my name to leave. I ignored it. The pizza was not gone yet.
It was pepperoni with sausage and extra cheese. We each got two pieces.
Samantha, my best friend was thrown in next. She had been jaywalking.
They probably would have let it slide but she called the cop bad names.
Gave him the finger, forgot she was a Sunday School teacher for a second.
So he brought her in. There was no more pizza but it was the best time now.
To this day Sammy and I laugh about the stories we heard in there.
She will say “remember when Baylis,” and I will tear up from laughing.
We do not have to go any further than this one phrase.
Miss Baylis kept our minds busy, and kept us from worrying that day...
About our husbands being made they had to bail us out or....
About my friend losing her job as a proper Sunday School teacher
after Tommy, her nephew arrested her.
Bless us Lord for the upcoming year
The New Year is slowly nearing
Things have been rough
And the wolf has been knocking on our doors
Trying to steal our very souls
I need to leave the old year singing
Shouting and cheering feeling carefree
Of what the New Year will bring for me
Making charitable resolutions with caring lifestyle changes
Stick and not fail to make better life choices
Through the year taking my husband’s hand and take long brisk strolls
Increase those strolls a little further each day to reach longer goals
My soul needs to share more time with my family
Making loving memorable memories and being friendly
Toss away my aging and be free
Enjoy earthly beauty
Bring in the New Year
With confidence
instead of wasting my time worrying
12/25/2016
Start
POISON is anything which exceeds necessity
It can be over- eating leading to obesity
Or it can be power, wealth and hunger
Tempting one to commit a blunder
The vice of ego, greed or ambition
Triggers within self a war of attrition
The passion of love and hate
Can cause the change of fate
FEAR is non-acceptance of uncertainty
After death the soul passes on to eternity
Acceptance changes fear to adventure
Hope guides one to a new venture
ENVY is non-acceptance of good in others
Even between brothers of same mothers
Acceptance of good leads to inspiration
Working up to it excretes perspiration
ANGER is failure of mind to control our temper
It leads to fun parties becoming a damper
Control of temper redeems sense of tolerance
To deal with situations without seeking deliverance
TIME spent on worrying about ‘the way things were’
Reduces the time on good things that we share
It’s a moment stolen from our creative mind
In pursuit of our goals which are left behind!
End
The New Favorite
She looks great in my clothes, atleast that's what everybody says,
Like I wasn't the reason they noticed them in the first place.
She laughs with all my friends like she's always belonged,
I hate that she fits in so fast where it took me so long.
She wears my sweater like she's discovered something rare,
And I spend the whole night pretending I don't care.
She says the same things I used to and somehow they sound brand new,
But maybe everything hits different when it's not coming from you.
And I hate the girl I become whenever she walks in,
Like confidence is something only one of us can win.
And maybe that's the difference that took me years to learn,
She's wearing what I wore, but she can't be the person that i am.
I've spent so long worrying that she's going to take everything from me, that I forgot the one thing she can never have: the person I became because of it.
Burrowing and Borrowing-
Starving but harvesting-
NOT quite charming but alarming-
Harming when storming-
More than a boring warning-
Performing and conforming-
Alluring the enduring-
Touring the reassuring-
Scurrying and worrying-
Working NOT twerking-
Twitching and itching-
Computer glitching when stitching-
Missing NOT dissing-
No hex
No mess
No sex
No stress
Wrestling with a nestled Texas style onion ring...
Castling the mastered haphazardly masked task...
Of a vaccinated infatuation ally rally for a new kitchen sink...
Getting pushed pass the brink by the former owner of a skating rink- because of drinking.
one day i know i will be only a mere memory to someone like i mirror in the water
i guess these days this is why i smile even though i do not get the same in return
perhaps i will get a free apple pie or a certain percentage off on my next purchase
there are times though where i just want to be loved without having to show the receipt
even as you reply, you are far away from even the furthest point of my hearing range
you have become immersed in monotony's monotonous grip
no matter how my i try to color inside the lines, i always end up being all out of line
there are times though when i just want to love you without having search for any kind of sharpener
here we are now....sighing and rolling our eyes while wishing on previous wishes
there are so many different world that we have become impervious to spinning globes
my heart breaks as images of our love in newly ripened times sneak up on me out of nowhere
there are times when i wish we would just love each other without worrying about directions in which to take
How Could I have Been So Blind
How could I have been so blind
Not to see what is happening in these times
All I saw was dark
Lord your word and love
Created a spark
While putting joy in thy heart
It’s sad the world teaches to live against you
Our Savior that is pure and true
How could I have been so blind
But the world had taught
Me to live moment for its time
Chasing pleasures and world’s delights
Thank you Lord
For coming and giving me sight
Teaching me to turn from sin
For my soul I shall win
Taking it one day at a time
Not worrying of what tomorrow shall find
Knowing you are in control
of the past, present, and future to come
I thrive on your word to
Make me uproot and sprout
For you take away all doubt
You have shown me
One thing that will remain
This is your word and name
As you will always reign
Reduced to a couple once again,
Remembering this is how our life once began,
Blessed by God with three children,
Now all grown up and settled in their own families,
Grateful for their lives, at the same time sad,
Looking at our empty house,
Where once reigned their bubbly children noises,
Each room a rueful reminder
Of their exuberant laughter and a million memories;
Now, we look at each other,
Our conversations interspersed with,
"I wonder what he's doing now!"
Or "How is she managing all her chores?"
Worrying and wondering,
Whiling away our time with Chinese Checkers,
Recalling the days when we used to play together,
Silent spaces speak volumes,
While we wait for photos and phone calls,
Or vacation visits that are few and far between.
3rd May 2023
For Cooper Etheridge's "Empty Nest" contest
Peace!
My head is a vase, thirsting for water.
Pour knowledge into my mind for thoughts are forever sought after,
And if all I have to offer,
Is not good enough to impress Heaven’s daughter,
Then raise my soul with every word
And allow me to shout from the rafters,
That I am here to learn!
The every thought that has ever been sought,
And once and for all I have learned all that which can be taught.
I will continue to search for a seer to see more.
A direction forth which leads me through only future doors,
Because all that has passed behind me is no more.
Only forward thinking, chalk written on boards.
No time for a break;
Determination compels me to learn from my mistakes.
There is no time to sit and wait for a changing of the seasons,
For my future is out there,
So I must be out there to find my reason.
I want more and more and why being just ok will never be enough.
I have to improve with each and every book.
I need to be better; better than ever.
Better than average; forward forever.
No backwards step, no time left to rest,
Upon my laurels; remove my flower head.
There is no space left inside my head,
For dreams of romance, that time is dead.
At this moment in time love is a waste of lies,
And worrying about tears that will never dry,
Just leaves me with a hole I cannot close.
Go to Hell, I suppose.
Quit asking; cry a river for me.
You are the star of the century, going cheap.
Watch as I leave you standing there confused.
How could he know the things we do?
I am done waiting on you, I wait no longer;
You are weak, I am stronger.
See you later with a lack of foresight.
No ambitious dreams haunt your nights.
I cannot allow myself to be trapped,
By your meaningless selfish schemes.
I need a way to escape.
I need to follow my dreams.
All the negative words you say are wasted.
I hope the rain destroys all you hold sacred.
Tomorrow beckons; I will learn another lesson;
So treat me badly baby, ‘cause you ain’t got me guessing.
(C)2019 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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