On Healing

Sometimes healing is messy It is a rollercoaster Ups and downs Sometimes I can handle it Other times I lose control I say I am in recovery for my bulimia But I still struggle I still consider pushing myself that extra hour in the gym I think skipping lunch that day won't hurt I sometimes spend too much time looking at teeth enamel strengthening toothpaste and whitening strips I only look at healthy snack like plain rice cakes and original sun chips Carboard is not the most appealing flavor But it is the safest one I don't have to feel guilty when I eat them I won't need to punish my body later Some days though I will eat the birthday cake and not worry about it later I will still go to the gym but only spend 30 minute there not 2 hours I brush my teeth not worrying about if i will cause any damage to them from a purge Healing is messy Somedays are easier than others But I know that I am trying my hardest.