Long Wig Poems

Limericks
by Michael R. Burch



Clyde Lied!
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a mockingbird, Clyde,
who bragged of his prowess, but lied.
To his new wife he sighed,
"When again, gentle bride?"
"Nevermore!" bright-eyed Raven replied.



The Platypus
by Michael R. Burch

The platypus,...

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Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine:

There was a lewd whore from Nantucket
who intended to pee in a bucket;
but...

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Limericks III - Grab Bag

Being a peace activist, I once wrote a limerick in an attempt to stop needless wars:

Of Tetley’s and V-2's
(or "Why Not to Bomb the Brits")
by Michael R. Burch

The English are very...

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"Candy Girl" - 2



He had been watching her from the far end of the Ice Bar, where he was sitting propped up on an ice ledge which was cushioned in plush Reindeer hide and Yak...

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Betty was bonafide crazy. She had shot her husband after a night of drunken quarreling, and was in the state mental hospital instead of being in the slammer. She'd shot the louse in the stomach...

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Limericks IV - Donald Trump

The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump’s bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the...

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Nightmare 8. To Lose the Gift of Feeling Heard

Is each person not poet when he spills his heart?
Has your verse lost its edge if it’s true no one listens,
Or does God mean that no one...

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Hannah, could never remember a time when she wasn’t ill. The doctors had tried all sorts of stuff, and at times she had rallied. She was optimistic to begin with, but now she was just...

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By some quirky short circuit.
A drone mutated itself 
and became intelligent
.
As fate would have, 
The drone decided to take revenge. 
Chose Chill Bates as its target
The drone altered its algorithm 
and started re-programming.... its fellow...

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Since I first put on the greasepaint, smooth as cream on morning toast, they said I had a gift for making people laugh. Natural as breathing. Effortless as falling. Born to perform like a bird...

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Part I:  My mother’s Voice. 
  
“There’s something not quite right.” 
My mother’s doctor said.
The murmur in your heart.
I think we’ll  make a start, 
to take a look, and book a bed...

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(Necessary, Sufficient – Why? How?)

Was the ‘Death of Christ’ needful? Can ‘Mind of God’ change?
Might the rainbow then signal ‘Repentance,’ a sign
God does grow and responds too, to changes wrath wrought?
Were there souls saved by...

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I: THE UK

Poling, Patching, Nether Wallop, 
Matching Tye and Droop

Plumpton, Lickfold, Puddletown, 
Westward Ho! and Throop.

Hole of Horcum, New Invention,
Boghead, Bath, Cat's Ash

North Piddle, Staines and Pen*stone,
Wash Dyke, East Breast and Flash.

Six Mile Bottom, Mudford...

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A BIG BAD WOLF
Once upon a rhyme and time, 
Lived a wily wolf
Whose only thought,
Was to dine,
He looked greedy
And lean and a little mad,
And his yellow teeth
Looked very bad!
One day in the early morn,
He spotted...

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A  HAIRY  LAMENT

I've been bereft since you abandoned me
You provided comforting you see.
When I lay my head to sleep at night
I wish you were here with all my might.
Was so good to have...

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Here I am this afternoon thinking
Here I am this afternoon
Looking upon the courage of man

The questions keep coming 
And my spirit keeps growing
And I try my best not to pen this verse
But the pain keeps...

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Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig...

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Rum had heard the rumour, “There’s a great new movie out.”
He asked around to find out what the plot might be about
It’s a tale of dogs so naughty, folk won’t go outdoors
Twas Ronnie Rat that...

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Each year in August the teams descend, cricket foe morphing quickly to friend,
Bonds are forged on a pitch unique, camped on the banks of Reedybrook creek. 
The grass is cut, the fields set out, the...

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It is time. Yes. It is time. Time for all time telling devices to climb up trees. The grandfather clocks can climb the oaks. The watches can climb the willows. The alarm clocks can climb...

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Up up the fly away wig doth go revisited and revised April 19th, 2023

IM pen named Pilot Jane A. Rug
who ascribes to writing poetry
as opportunistic, holistic, and cathartic
warming me body electric
courtesy an outsize 
warm brimful...

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Dickens Christmas carol revisited by nicked saint

Frigidaire - from upper atmosphere 
hammering and whipsawing debris 
ferociously with an angry flare,
cuz mother nature - fed up to here
(re: envision me hands indicating 
over top of head)...

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Otter trance dance meets mice, worms and soups

A single iron is fed up with flattening material. In fact it has spoke of breaking. It considers such actions as pointless and therefore fruitless. And creases are...

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Aye, aye! Said the Captain, who spoke on his date, 
He spoke on his date to his very first mate, 
His very first mate, the lady Miss Tate, 
The very first lady to say he...

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Aye, aye! Said the Captain, who spoke on his date, 
He spoke on his date to his very first mate, 
His very first mate, the lady Miss Tate, 
The very first lady to say he...

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