Long Washboard Poems

Birthday of beloved buxom babe I betrothed

Pardon my hyperbole if in fact such embellishment can be sifted out amidst the pretentious poetry and/or prose NOT aired to appear superior, but more so as passion for...

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Will wonders never cease!?

Alternately titled: Last of the fluff
belonging to a Mohican
Norwegian bachelor farmer wannabe.

Any resemblance between said unnamed individual
and living persons purely coincidental.

Scads of decades back in the day,
not since this sexagenarian baby boomer
happened...

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Wergle Flomp Good Humor 2023

The following constitutes a rather 
twisted as a pretzel SUBTITLE:

I dash with my jiggling boobs in an attempt to escape... 
being overrun by teddy bears and beanie babies
while carrying out heavy...

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Awaiting a growth spurt that never happened

When a boy,
I wanted to be as tall as my father
(he passed away October seventh
two thousand and twenty
linkedin to congestive heart failure),
who stood at his prime
about six feet and...

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Ongepatshket torqued skewed reflection

drawn courtesy lots of byte size chalk.

When e'er I summon fat chance
to empower me self with courage 
and steal a passing glance
in the mirror then instantaneously 
hairline fractures appear
than 'afore long 
snap,...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in...

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Filched formerly anatomical slender man - me! Thus I take a pot belly stance!

Absolute zero escape
velocity gutted dance
sing days (contra and square),
cuz metabolic full abundance
abdominal adipose tissue acceptance
not in accordance
with light as a feather
physique I...

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Gratitude for running water on tap... 
and heat flowing with a snap

After shaving and showering,
yours truly feels winsome
though morose seeing
unwanted adipose "love handles"
inflating mine abdomen and tum
unanimously decided courtesy quorum
losing washboard stomach
finds me uncomfortably numb,
which...

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Five in the morning
Orange and red glow in the east
A new day is born

A single rain drop
Looks to be the final straw
Now the flood begins

Albuquerque view
Volcanoes on the mesa
Since the age of time

Once green and...

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SET A DRIFT                                ...

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Before scant opportunity
to make amends totally tubular slips away,
I (one generic doubting thomas)
reach out across cyberspace without delay
jumpstarting and kickstarting reflections
linkedin with fifty plus shades of gray
snapchatting and twittering
do you know the way to San...

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A hank of damp hair hangs limply on her forehead.  With the back of a work reddened hand she brushes it from her face.  From the galvanized tub before her, she withdraws a...

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Filched Physiognomy – Mine revisited!

Absolute zero escape
velocity guts dance
sing days (contra and square),
cuz metabolic full abundance
abdominal adipose tissue acceptance
not in accordance
with light as a feather

miss lost acquaintance
the boy within forced admittance
as sure man tanks of...

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A former slender man (lapsed Unitarian anorexic)...
deplores adipose tissue gain

No Holiday music can soothe savage beast
washboard abdomen weight watcher's dream fleeced
skinny bag of lovely bones permanently leased
body snatcher somewhere amidst policed

madding crowd of carolers singing,
where...

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Filched Physiognomy - Mine!

Absolute zero escape
velocity guts dance
sing days (contra and square),
cuz metabolic full abundance
abdominal adipose tissue acceptance
not in accordance

with light as a feather
miss lost acquaintance
the boy within forced admittance
as sure man tanks of fat...

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with noticeable burgeoning bosom in the offing, ahoy
this baby faced blubbery bosom beastie boy
fast becoming a bra man,
and might hire himself out
as a male wet nurse for employ

ment, cuz when stark naked on shark tank,
I...

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I Cannot Weight To Hmm...
Be Pressed By A Dumbbell

Two fifteen pound
     steely danse sing
     wrought iron dumbbells
     ill-tempered, impatiently,
    ...

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37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love...

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fatty deposit usurped
my washboard physique
I can no longer lay claim
as pencil necked geek
mute tinny utterances futile

to write and/or speak
as recourse to cope with
displeasing body morphology
tis good n plenti humor I seek
to offset feeling morose, and

regular...

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Yikes, aside from mental
     health re: psychotherapy,
     which haint the worse
cyst phase of being
     objectionably being called "old man",
    ...

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A is for Accordion, squeezing air with bellows
B is for Banjo, five strings plucked by bluegrass fellows

C is for Clavichord, keyboard with a metal sound
D is for the Drums which percussionists will pro-pound

E is for...

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Washboard Waltz

Is a washboard musical when scrubbing socks on its metal ribbons?
The woman in the basement was not aware of anything other
than the soap suds, steamed-up windows and the sense of hopelessness
when working on a...

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Sister Faith took me in,
teaching me all
different practical things,
everything from canning foods
and churning butter,
milking the cows and
squeezing the udders,
sewing and darning all
of the clans clothes,
washing them all by
using a washboard,
hanging them on the
clothesline outside,
going for...

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I’ve always loved the challenge of traveling long-forgotten byways
Just dirt paths connecting towns that masquerade as washboard highways
With stone walls crumbling, homes shuttered closed, now seemingly abandoned
The hopelessness of poverty oft times seemed very cruel...

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"Piece of "(Sarah Cahill's friend), when I was eight, I think you forced yourself into my home, my safe space- a blue truck


pulled up to the front of my mother's, and father's house, a dad with a...

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