Long Tushy Poems

FICTIONAL BIO:

The missus asked me
(hitherto known as her bozo)
just mere moments ago
to craft humorous poem to glow
nsync with the shiny nose of Rudolph
keeping syncopated metrical flow
thus methought to crow
about being equally as foolish
streaking naked outside...

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I got friggin heebie jeebies

Cuz buzzards circle o'er me
eyeing these lovely bones prithee
id est Roy L. T. Canard, Si
hence impossible mission 
to be lovey dove vee.

Vague remembrances of dream  
which recurred with frequency
transfixed by...

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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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Sham(e) full travesty regarding fourth of July celebration

American independence day
linkedin severance from English crown
Continental Congress representatives
parlayed courtesy thirteen original colonies
yielding Declaration of Independence
immediately rendered null and void
established vassalage courtesy British rule.

Fast forward two hundred and...

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Inapropos trois faux pas jokingly blurted out...

yesterday August 30th, 2022.

The following fictitious account
predicated upon words spilling
out me mouth before taking time
to think through how sarcastic remark
would affect primary listener.

Comments about marital matters
particularly ours (yours truly...

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The missus pounded mine posterior...
causing percussive rumpus 
to vibrate like jelly

Me experienced quite disruptive sleep
(quite early in the morning 
of November 10th 2022 -
no shut eye could I keep),
hence though exhausted, I share
childlike trait of...

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While attempting going to sleep after midnight...

December 27th, 2023,
the missus pounded mine posterior
(she played paddywhack 
on me blimey buttucks)
not only causing contusion, 
but flaying percussive rumpus, 
where the wild things are
found yours truly feeling
like a...

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Couched in the
     concept of a well,
     (which supplied the water
     for faded glory of "Glen Elm),"
     my boyhood...

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Upon the first date (decades ago) with the gal,
whose troth aye did pledge allegiance to wed
we agreed to dine at an ex-mex eatery
in north Wales, Pennsylvania, where angels feared to tread
carefully scrutinizing bon appétit the...

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Prune juice as effective emetic

Brainstorming yields casting 
the following plumbline 
netting genetic, italic, kinetic, 
magnetic, opportunistic, quixotic,
synchronistic, and universalistic result.

Ofttimes I experience constipation bout,
and thus the missus pours me a class
of natural laxative with clout
nursing...

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While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
     where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
     despite without doubt...

if closing distance
     (to...

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We've been having a "Bash Santa" week, but I wrote limericks this morning about Putin breaking his tailbone.  So, Tom suggested we have a "Bash Putin" week.  Here are three more from me....

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literary food for thought.

Self Mutilation:

(ah bet thar iz an app for that!)
within unlit partial "FAKE abattoir" 
   sans wardrobe alcove 
   where dust bunnies didst allures
completing a simple task among 
...

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aye savor the faire genetic blueprint 
   extant unique to each of us 
   with this quite alimentary aire 
   including (that almighty, 
   bottom, cushiony, dimpled,...

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The missus pounded mine posterior...
causing percussive rumpus

Meanwhile good n plenty vibrations resonated
felt and heard round the world wide web
(strongest quaking sensations
occurred upon double mattresses atop bed
within apartment unit b44
2 Highland Manor Drive),

but woody d'ya believe
drumming,...

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Just Now, I Started To Feel...
All Stopped Up With Writer's Block

Thus lack any idea about
     what to type out until aye
reach the end, and
     even then cannot
...

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hum...habit...hic...abbott woozy
celebrating with British Royal Family
     and...hub bout red dee 
     to take a snoozy
sup...par'n...this poet 
     fur...hib bit..bing a lil oozy.

Now this...

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Pain in the ass devoid of dreck
inapropos poetic material what the heck
more unbearable than crick in neck
shiver me timbers, I feel like total wreck
the (see) Edmund Fitzgerald, si?.

Spasmodic cramping imposed
automatic rhyming abbreviation
comeuppance (analogous to daggers
stabbing...

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There once was an individual known as theKidster.
the Kidster was an immature adult mister. 
The oldest of four younger sisters. 
Got my ass beat many times commin to the aid of my little sisters. 
Got...

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My somewhat outsize ears and longish neck 
(I swear exist, which contrary to popular myth 
never seen by living persons) support this egg shaped 
(fried or scrambled some might argue) head.

A mostly flat and hairless...

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One need not be David Copperfield,
nor a card shark/sharp, scrutinizing
random display codified
computer algorithm doth yield.

The chance to "win"
may appear tubby zero
analogous finding a diamond
in the rough, even
with help of
a heartfelt superhero

nonetheless toil away, asper
setting suitable...

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Homeless? Not me.
I have my wires and my twigs and a place to go.
Uncle Joe is allowing us in
For a time.
Until Little Guy throws one of his famous fits
If I had a few more bucks...

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(Froggy)
His  big crooked smile; the bump on his nose;
His extra large feet with short stubby toes.

Eyes sort of popping beneath eyebrows bushy;
A spare tire middle with such a small tushy!

His loud guitar music; his...

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Down you upside hanging
By me danger dangling by
Bellybutton unsweatering

You sprite! Grin giggling
At me look laughing at
Legs in blue jean wrapping

You and tree branch playing
Just me girl game watching just
Wrists undressing, lil' tushy out peaking

On you...

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Whaat, whaat, whaat are you doing?
IT’S TIME TO GET OUT OF BED!!!
Buut, buut, oh, where was I?
Oh yeah, IT’S TIME TO GET OUT OF BED!!!

Hey chicky, nice tushy you got there.
Don’t run, don’t make me...

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