Long Tums Poems

Sonnets XC-XCVII

Artificial Smile
by Michael R. Burch

I’m waiting for my artificial teeth
to stretch belief, to hollow out the cob
of zealous righteousness, to grasp life’s stub
between clenched molars, and yank out the grief.

Mine must be art-official?zenlike Art?
a...

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These are prophetic poems and apocalyptic poems about the earth, climate change, global warming, extinction events, and mankind's role on an endangered world ...



Polish
by Michael R. Burch

Your fingers end in talons?
the ones you trim to...

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Little Heidel clapped her hands
                      As she heard the marching bands
   ...

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You ask if my home caught on fire and I only have sixteen minutes to gather those things that I treasure; what seven things would I hurriedly carry off with me.

The first thing I would...

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This is a poem in class
3rd period to be exact
Lotion smelling all good
Because it’s seaweed extract
Looking good
With my red K- Swiss
Other girls envy
‘cus they wish they could taste this.
And lace this
Ladies just face it
Me myself...

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Phantoms

In male six, psychiatric ward at night
 there live ten patients burning bright,
 their thoughts are with their missing 
 mums, while eager for breakfast wait
 their tums

Now here, as not before, it’s all about...

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One winter long long ago
It was our first year together
My husband
God bless his heart
Decided he’d go shopping
You guessed it
T’was Christmas eve
We’ll say up front
The man’s on crutches
And despises shopping
To the nth degree
But off he went
Into...

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Sometimes people ask me... What's in your purse...
So I tell them the best that I can...
Lipstick, chapstick, matchstick
What’s in your purse?
Billfold, change purse, money counter, and clip?
Aspirin, Tylenol, Tums, coupons and stamps…
Tissue, pressure bandage, Mom...

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The first derriere shot,
that killed everyone’s appetite,
came from a second-rate, 
light tipping looter

A no-class hothead bum,
who had bun fiddy no-good burger 
burglar instincts

Amateur night out
introduced a new bottom bang-bang 
beatnik on the back end drum...

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A chambermaid whose name is Marlia
Had the most terrible diarrhoea
Whilst scrubbing a loo
She needed to pooh
Poop flowed freely from her posterior


It splattered on the newly scrubbed door
Gloopy poop was all over the floor
There was a...

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A pet more exotic I'd wanted.

A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.

not a dog or a cat

something cooler than that!

I began my search feeling undaunted





In a pet store I came on a ferret.

Such a...

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Down, down the known street where
 the quite evening lying down, my legs took me a walk
 Sending the sun to west, something that street holding
for me. 

Little, little lonely voices' hands knocking my ears 
 from...

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A pet more exotic I'd wanted.
A pet to be groomed and then flaunted.
Not a dog or a cat -
Something cooler than that!
I began my search feeling undaunted

In a pet store I came on a ferret.
Such...

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A RATTLING RHYME

“Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting
over your lap.” – Doug Larson (and I add laptop or tablet)

WHISPER SWEET NULLS

Up the steps. Here them roar -
here they come with big smiles.
These two...

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balloons! balloons! balloons in colours fly,
white Christmas, glittering snow, bring delight!
soul is singing, heart is bright, hope is high!

Sun peeps orange, peering through, clear blue sky,
lighting up, golden tinsels, floating bright,
balloons! balloons! balloons in colours...

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Midnight In The Hallway

Midnight's the hour in the hallway
Toy soldiers on parade
All of them stood to attention
All hoping they make the grade
Grandfather clock is now chiming
Marking the midnight strike
Dolls standing tooting tin whistles
Clowns riding round...

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Boe the Eskimo
There is a little Eskimo named Boe
He loves to play on the ice and the snow
One day as he played on the ice, it cracked
Boe, in shock knew the odds against him were...

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The Concert

I was scheduled to perform in an accordion concert,
I was just 8 years old as I recall,
There was a contest to see who can invite,
The most guests to come to the hall.

My dad invited...

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Just moved to this lovely bigger house
Eager to explore each nook like a mouse
Before I could breathe, came cruel morning
with “Get ready for school, darling”
Conjured up a tummy ache so intense
hoping for school bus to...

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I thought that she was smiling at me
Until I saw her reaching for the Tums
I thought that she was giving me a wink
Until I saw the contact sitting on her thumb
I thought that she was...

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My wife and I went for a cruise in the Caribbean Sea,
I decided that I would talk like a pirate ‘till she got sick of me.

I told her that I was going to steal a...

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Who's that knocking on our door tonight?
Debt collectors, (those pests that we've ignored)
Yuletide woes being sung by my spouse
as we pull shades, and douse the lights!

Everyone knows a turkey and some mistletoe
could help to make...

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Modern Appetite
by Michael R. Burch

"Women, wine, song ..."

It grumbled low, insisting it would feast
on blood and flesh, etcetera, at least
three times a day. With soft lubricious grease

and pale salacious oils, it would ease 
its way...

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I've always lived in Southern California.
I've never heard of summer rain.
This notion, I have to say, quite honestly,
Strikes me as insane.   

I might as well speak of fluffy penguins
Who live in the Sahara,
Or opine on...

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Weed, Pills, Coke
Some things I crave to do
Cut, Run, Isolate
All of which would hurt you
High, Intoxication, Scars
The aftermath
Careless, Unstable, Deadly
None of it used to sound so  bad
Bowls, Mirrors, Blades
Once it had felt so good
Paranoia,...

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