Long Social anxiety Poems
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Across figurative and literal board...
mine hardscrabble existential debacle spelled losing game of trouble
Oft times, I experience wretchedness being alive
spurring wonderment whereby thoughts
of my demise doth drive
analogous to buzzfeeding bumbling bees
combing into their hive.
Giddiness prevailed
when coronavirus (COVID-19)
warranted quarantine to diminish
transmitting pandemic virus thru the air
lifestyle change no major imposition,
cuz yours truly already familiarized
with self isolation
courtesy his social anxiety despair
schizoid personality disorder the diagnosis
nsync with loathsome
body morphology toward self
viz mental health impasse a legitimate malady
impossible mission possibly
since in utero didst impair
minimally abetted courtesy
Buffalo wing and a prayer
wishful thinking only death can relieve
some recently approaching year.
Indifference toward self sums up story
viz mindset to whit
resignation to cash in chips
at a tender age, I did submit
evidenced courtesy abysmal grades
during stint as student
kindergarten and first grade the exception
earning appellation dummkopf or nitwit
showcased apathy to access ability and excel
overshadowed courtesy powerfully pointed outlook
within his bedroom at 324 Level Road
sequestered long haired pencil neck geeky hermit
four familiar walls constituted ambit.
Refuge sought vis a vis withdrawal
from world wide web
refusing sustenance (think anorexia nervosa),
thus these lovely bones withered away
thankfully mother (a licensed practical nurse)
of course intervened without delay
belated acknowledgement
regarding maternal love hip hip hooray
enrolling expertise of Doctor Ted Goldberg
at Collegeville Community counseling
to ameliorate psychological internal melee
running rampant and roughshod within me psyche
pushing self destruction down into stairway
entering portals of hell
analogous to Earthen bowels
deep within Zimbabwe.
Whether the above sentence incidental
to feeble attempt at reasonable rhyme
so please geography buffs pardon moi
add dull less cent delinquent puns
he did cashier plus
any unintended faux paus as aspiring poet
artfully crafts elaborated gimcrackery,
albeit impious kooky mishmashed
outlandish quirky s*it.
Prune juice as effective emetic
Brainstorming yields casting
the following plumbline
netting genetic, italic, kinetic,
magnetic, opportunistic, quixotic,
synchronistic, and universalistic result.
Ofttimes I experience constipation bout,
and thus the missus pours me a class
of natural laxative with clout
nursing said tonic,
yours truly situated in close proximity
to bathroom without doubt
lest sphincter muscles go into overdrive
wreaking excretory fallout
challenge compounded to access loo
courtesy flare up of gout
while all alone in the wilderness
helplessly at odds how to receive handout
of toilet tissue (or baby wipes), I bewail
to avoid staining underwear
(with trademark skid marks,
which the wife bemoans,
when washing clothes in kitchen sink
repulsed when seeing
a small piece of excrement)
the latter cloth material to clean tuckus,
which I prefer using
to attend unpleasant task
to render posterior happy and shiny tushy
(housing a well functioning conduit,
where human waste eliminated
that without fail
fills tidy bowl brim to overflowing)
frequently necessitating me to bucket flush
and/or notify management headquarters
(for a plumber) located in Lansdale,
which short poem
figuratively sketches thumbnail,
when dyschezia plugs up
lower orifice of the alimentary canal
a side effect linkedin to one or more
of the prescription medications
reliant upon to ameliorate
the mental health issues
of social anxiety, dysthymia,
(a low mood occurring
for at least two years,
along with at least
two other symptoms of depression), and
palmar hyperhidrosis (characterized by
chronic excessive sweating,
not related to the necessity of heat loss)
to list a few outstanding plagues
upon mine body electric
afflicting me since mommy dearest
witnessed debut during her parturition
heralding my debut into this badass
webbed, wide world,
whereby wildly contra dancing,
(the most fun one can have
with their clothes on),
a pleasant panacea,
yours truly foot loose and fancy free
applying nimble fingers watching
lovely ladies fancifully twirled.
Youth was just a lone brushstroke
Foolishly, I thought it would forever glow...
the same best friend forever
the same candy store from heaven
the same field of flowers gold...
but youth never really had a chance.
It was dragged from the warm tide pool
into the deep blue end.
So many wasted moments
swinging from the social anxiety tree
lonely bee looking for the flower
amidst a decade and a half of cold concrete...
The best friend died of liver disease
the heavenly candy store is gone
eaten by a horde of attorneys
the wildflower field plowed under
by rows of broken homes.
One brushstroke on the canvas of eternity.
The joke had always been on me.
I think love is a lot like us.
In truth, it's hard.
At least for me. To reach into my heart and pull each thought
Like some sort of note, to resort to the most simplistic of notion.
It all seems so simple.
To walk up towards the one we love and tell them how we truly feel.
At least for me.
To be honest I don't think it's entirely the thought of being rejected.
But the actual declaration and the realization that everything that you hope and dream
stares back at you and it's not reciprocated where imagination meets reality.
At least for me.
Reaching back into my heart and scrambling around for another note.
The small things in an ocean of thought that could go wrong.
The sudden rush of thoughts that prevent such circumvention.
The first step of telling you that I love you.
At least for me.
Seeing your face again, makes it so much easier.
Knowing that you would never let me drown
Though rather tepid,
this aspect of my life,
I coon sitter tubby cool
and hoop fully ye
(unknown reader
will quickly warm)
e'en if thee option
to stay abed
might cuz ya to drool
though this re: son hubble
mister rhyme stir
(in this instance) enjoyably
playing the role
of "FAKE" fool
barely breaking a cerebral sweat,
sans minimally exerting
mine mental capacity,
(which got set
to cruise control)
luxuriating at exemption, space/
time continuum junction,
and option to arise
whenever I want, joyfully cries,
sans this pleasure to exercise
allowance to avoid "rat race,"
(though mine circadian
rhythm usually jostles
me (Joe Cur)
awake mid morning,
when dream state flies
away Chuck Norris lies,
no explanation to include
above name sake),
this will be my oh
chew weary,
boot before thy demise
lemme summarily apprise
circumstances (moost NOT
envied by other gals and guise)
cuz receiving social security disability
(predicated on major panic attacks,
social anxiety,
and schizoid personality
disorder NOT tubby confused
with schizophrenia) defies
explanation former severe
debilitating, harrowing,
and lacerating symptoms
decreased with medication,
yet the better (or rather
worse) part of my life,
argh...time to shies and Ryan!
Hallelujah medical coverage reinstated!
Prior to the morning
of August 15th, 2019
this joker riddled and
judiciously hollerith,
punched with anxiety
approximately couple weeks earlier
prophetic notification
courtesy public assistance office
Norristown, Pennsylvania
wrought psyche asunder
worse news than plagued
with most pernicious disease
slack jawed rendered me
speechless, and breathless
jobless since...forever
debilitating social anxiety,
plus disabling panic attacks,
an unprovable conjecture
neurological behavioral malady
possibly evident in utero,
if fetal ultrasounds widespread
or hollow needle inserted
into the uterus
sampling amniotic fluid
luck of the draw
ex post facto
accentuated, kickstarted,
under_scored...
extreme tightly coiled tension
evident when ambulatory
evinced frequent rigidity
regarding physical movement
whereby boyhood self
tumbled down stairs
(this based on
anecdotal information),
yet earliest physiological
recollections bring to mind
never feeling relaxed poise
most always stiff movements
affected bodily actions
only as young adult
after experiencing
prolonged social withdrawal
friendlessness, emotional
detachment among family of origin
crippling bouts of
vertigo, racing heart
profuse perspiration
nausea... ad nauseum
eligibility qualified me
to receive social security disability
a congenital trait, I loathe
now more than ever
yes, blessedly grateful
to receive Medicare,
which status evaluated every year
mainly predicated on
increased finances, a
greater chance,
I get struck by lightning
versus garnering monetary windfall.
single, why not mingle?
walk into the light and drag along your shadow.
it's time to mingle! you've got a seat at the table.
this get-together needs more vibrant, social lift,
be not a stranger in this rollicking crowd.
drop your unwieldy anchor of social anxiety.
single, why not mingle?
come, dive into the pool of socialization, friend.
by all means, wallflower, share more about yourself
to friends scratching the itch to know you better.
make your presence known and felt. show up and shine!
may the music of your soul be clearly heard.
single, why not mingle?
join a company fraught with laughter and chatter.
be not the odd one out, an apparition against the wall.
join the crowd - good times are guaranteed to roll.
meet and greet friendly faces old and new. you'll have fun!
you'll see that time is sure to fly, so don't be shy!
single, so why not mingle?
Bring on the rejection slips and/or lost wager
Though flush with good humor
pun one mock two yields negligible
true cash equivalent value won
dirt poor offspring privileged as prodigal son
pockets bursting with legal tender,
where just yesterday I had none.
All polite declinations
strung together would circle...
(fill in the blank)
matter of fact, I just got a slew of them
today June 9th, 2020, what a lucky man
me haint an idealist...,
but winning poetry (writing) contest
or purchasing lottery tickets...
yeah, nothing butta pipe dream
such improbable whimsical notion
linkedin and tantamount
with milkmaid and pail
Aesop pose fabulous incredulous solution
finally good riddance
hand to mouth existence
hello riches, perchance a dollop
and/or sizable windfall courtesy
drawn PowerBall and/or Mega Million ticket
whereby yours truly suddenly
cursed with chump change,
and/or abundant money
would experience "fifteen minutes of fame"
flush with friends and relatives
I (a misanthrope) never knew existed
(perhaps even marriage proposition,
no matter wedded bliss prevails)
interesting... how moderate
and/or substantial wealth
suddenly finds chock a block
acquisitions (regarding brand new automobile,
custom designed house,
travel opportunities galore
(maybe even vacation to Mars)
(despite coronavirus - COVID -19) prevalence,
nevertheless awareness viz immutability altering
pubescent stunted emotional, physical
and social development
profusely sweating hands, social anxiety
all the while knowing money
can't buy happiness,
yet once and for all at long last
free and clear of grinding poverty
cuz groveling along
the pockmarked highway
avails countless exit ramps
plethora of choices
how to be analogous to jolly Roger
piloting immense ship of state
(approximating size of Rhode Island)
equipped with the latest trappings
matter of fact replete
with every creature comfort
analogous to rich
self sufficient independent country
allowing, enabling, and providing
a warm welcome - think unfurled
Harris tweed Scottish welcome mat.
Meanwhile somewhere in Schwenksville,
Pennsylvania resident
(within apartment B44)...
tenant fritters precious time wishfully thinking
(luxuriant life within theoretical leisure class)
finding this nameless scrivener
invariably hoisting himself by his own petard.
I stand on the rocky shores of my island,
Waves crash towards my feet, foaming between my toes on the empty beach.
No Kings. No Masters. No Gods. Only I.
The shores were as barren as the land itself.
The shore froths from its mouth, suffocating in disgust at what it has become.
And I sneer with sadistic glee as it gasps its final breaths.
I see unidentified vessels approaching the wasteland I am bound to.
I balance between the pointy pebbles that pierce my sole.
I can vaguely see the shifting shapes sliding straight through the sea.
It is a fleet of individual sailors, looking to find claim on my barren bay.
My blood races, like an Olympian sprinter charging towards the flaming torches.
Yet, I haven't moved.
An electric surge courses through my body with the power of a metropolis.
Yet I haven't moved.
Senses heightened tenfold;
I can smell the salt oozing out of the sea,
I feel the air whistling in my ears from the east with a tickle,
the thirst tormenting the tip of my tongue,
the shriek of seagulls shattering my eardrums, and the detail of each and every ship, from port to starboard, is clear to me.
Yet, I haven't moved.
From this desired pit of despair.
My lazy eye tells me I'm not good enough
My lazy eye doesn't have the audacity to look at me
My lazy eye would rather look off to oblivion
As if uncomfortable at the sight of me
My lazy eye is a burden I live with every day
My lazy eye is why I have no depth perception
My lazy eye is why I can't see 3D
And why I prefer to not make eye contact
My lazy eye is why I don't know what it means to be normal
My lazy eye is why I feel I'll be ugly no matter how much weight I lose
My lazy eye is why I have social anxiety
And part of why I can't cultivate friendships
But...
My lazy eye is telling lies
My lazy eye is a scapegoat not to try
My lazy eye is a weapon I give others to kill me with
But the reality is most don't care
My lazy eye is telling lies
My lazy eye is a weakness but one I can overcome
My lazy eye may make some uncomfortable
But to the ones who matter it won't matter
My lazy eye is telling lies
My lazy eye is telling lies
My lazy eye is telling lies
So I'll set that lazy eye straight by telling it to shut up