Long Snark Poems

The Spaniel

A Spaniel that uses its head 
Can tell when its owner’s unfed 
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck 
Will deliver a pizza instead
 
The Afghan Hound

The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s...

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Hold the phone, hold the freakin’ phone. Lisa’s got a boyfriend!
I’ve never seen Lisa with a boyfriend. Lisa draws men like fireworks on a dark night, but I’ve never seen her keep one. I mean,...

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(a rhyme revision in stanza 9 in case the sponsor already read this.)

'Twas the night before Christmas. My shopping was done.
But gifts needed wrapping, and THAT’S never fun!
Huge piles of gifts lay strewn everywhere.
They lay...

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Otto`s life is not
their British
sickular motto
Grue is his banner
left by his
blue-eyed Brit mom
left long by one of
those hated South
African Paki
His guilty pleasures
in Green Street have
no recognition like
many such Aussies in
mulberry bushes
Yet he shovels the
stake of...

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Earlier in the week I was pretty sick and Peter was pampering me. One night, as Peter was taking away my tea tray, I took a selfie to send to my mom - as proof...

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The Spaniel

A Spaniel that uses its head 
Can tell when its owner’s unfed 
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck 
Will deliver a pizza instead
 
The Affenpinscher (Affen)

Not sniffle nor snuffle nor...

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Written: January 16, 2024
            _________________________________________

Ephemeral grave is tangled with gloom,
Putting faith in ethereal womb of doom.
Being without other choice but to exist,
Simply succeed while...

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It's up and down and twice around
    With an ample side of snark and leeks.
And an assortment of lies divided by pi,
    To find this thing I seek.

I searched...

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What have you done, for you look like a perch?
On Botox you should've done some research
I won't sugarcoat it
You look very bloated
Your face is engorged, and some will besmirch

Resembling a puffer with puckered lips
I wanna...

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He exited the train carrying a luxurious
                            ...

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She was the type who dressed only in darks,
a ‘non-conformist’ teen who bathed in snark,
in black lipstick her smile did hide,
row of piercings ran above her eyes.

Her family came in October to my inn,
a bed-and-breakfast...

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Please tell me if you have a moment to spare

And do not discount it as too much of a dare

Honesty and truth can do don’t think its a scare

But the mere question is does anyone...

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The time has come your passing has happened 
Your desire to live was never dampened 
The great Scottish debate for you to stay or go
I screamed yes, but the haggis of your heart said no...

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I enjoy when people quote the Word,
And find it disagrees with what they’ve heard. 

Often wrong with what they’re claiming.
Their knowledge of Scripture is often betraying.

In Isaiah, you will often hear,
The lamb and the lion...

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Down by the river in the juniper grove, 
An old man in a mushroom using his stove 
Cooks mutton and grain and nail clippings from toes
Pigs feet and macabre munchies assorted of those
  ...

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Mein Kampf...Self Imprisoned Gulag

Onset of conception wrought significant
destructive quantum sized genetic quark
invisible, fissile, and congenital skull,
sans crossbones deathmark

scythe kill logical metastatic
psychic path head shrinking Reichsmark
financial reparation taxed this human bark
at peril of ark

covenant fomenting incruent
lacerating...

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Brangelina, the quasar, came to a motel
Of a small Cambodian village 
Where smog was spread all over.
As they entered their room
They felt abodaroma infesting the room.
As they looked down to the floor
There were shoop stains...

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Mark Clarke was the gentlest man of Denmark 
Yet considered by all a most unlikely patriarch
He was proud being Noah’s apprentice on the ark

Mark was in charge of ensuring all the animals did embark 
Two...

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The Poet Snarkies

These are the pigtailed cuties who play in the parkies.
Also, so darling and sparkly, they are the the life of all parties.

Till a new girl comes in and tries to simply
jump rope,
She has...

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Caroline is an old clerk,                              ...

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Emoticon Yellows 

If I were rich, which is a crime
I could do anything I wished
Claim my rights and entitlements as “affluenza”
But I’m an ordinary cyberpunk 
A regular yellow kind of guy
An emoticon with an attitude
Manscaping,...

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The cheesecake in the bakery I want to devour,
dag-gone my crumbling willpower!
It's cherry topping so high,
makes me want to cry.
I walk on past the candy aisle,
and gaze at the cereal shelves awhile.
Euell Gibbon's "sticks and...

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Quantum Duck Soup

On a quest not unlike the hunting of the Snark,
The physicist seeks his elusive quarks,
Those delectable nothings that come in fine flavors,
Dancing through the void like colored party favors.
Their elusive forms leave him...

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We were at a small
bar, the place only served some
older regulars.

An elderly guy
in an old jean jacket was
talkative, friendly.

“What do girls learn at
Yale?” He asked. “We’re taught things, like
expressions, smiling,

pomposity, snark,
whatevering and stuff-stuff.”
I bragged shamelessly.

“Sure,”...

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He drives around, picking up girlz.
Proudly displaying his emoticon bumpertricker.
His vomitrocious personality,
hidden behind smiley face lie.
The master of snark,
with an old man's easy style.

Try not to look into those grue eyes.
His is a pretend wise...

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