Long Smarmy Poems
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I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee
I pound down the coffee
First thing I do every day
as the dawning sun
Lights up my lonesome room
Yeah, but not just a simple cup of java Joe, but a God damn snarling sarcastic smarmy cup of coffee
I mean, - we are talking about an alcoholic, all speed ahead, always hot, always fresh, always there when I need it, angry, attitude talk to the hand Ztude, bad, bad assed, beats breaking, beatnik, bluesy, bitter, y, bombs away, capitalistic, caffeinated up the ass, cinematic, communistic, Colombian grown, Costa Rican inspired, Cowabunga to the max, crazy assed, devilishly angelic, divine, divinely inspired, dyslexic, epic, extreme vetting, evil eye, expensive, erotic vision inducing, Ethiopian coffee house brewed, euphoric, freaky, freazoid, foxy, Frenched kissed, French brewed, funkified, foxy lady, graphic, GOD in my coffee, with Allah, Ganesh, Jesus, Kali, Buddha, Christians, Durga, Hindus, Mohamed, Jesus and Mo and their friend, the cosmic bar maid, Sai Babai, Shiva, Taoists,
Try a brisk walk at night,
Igniting fire through ice,
It might burn, bite or beat you,
But you'll swear it feels nice.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stare back at a stranger,
If their look starts to burn,
You'll notice their angst,
Once they know it's your turn.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Don't reach to extinguish,
Your ignited tobacco,
Across dinners or drinks,
As ashes fall in de facto.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two drunks at a bar,
If smarmy, cheap males,
Will cease to exist,
By all mammals or females.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you guzzle or sip,
It goes down just the same,
And the only true difference:
The length of your game.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Don't drink and drive,
You can't go very far,
Because the door you can't open,
Psst, isn't your car.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Have sex with a friend,
Maybe two, three or four,
If you don't, someone might,
And next time, they'll ignore.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ask Marco, wine guru,
If it tastes good or bad,
The next you select,
You'll ferment, just a tad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you smoke on the job,
Remember to render,
The air, clean and free,
Before returning to sender.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When two lesbians chat,
They display their demeanor,
Without reference or rapture,
For your decadent wiener.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Pouring more than you drink,
Is considered a virtue,
Because reversing osmosis,
Can only just hurt you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If you're gay and you know it,
Show those not, some respect,
Keep it reverent and subtle,
Spare us all when erect.
(12/30/01)
Lifeblood of democracy hemorrhaging
ousting the "FAKE" president only recourse
to staunch impending grim demise,
since forefathers drafted
United States Constitution
ratified more'n two centuries ago
hoi polloi must take to the streets
denouncing severe curtailment
impinging sacred freedom of speech
linkedin with paramount bedrock provision
accessing unvarnished flint stoned "truth,"
nonetheless commander in chief
he quakingly, staunchly, vociferously...
excoriates, lacerates, repudiates...
one damning hermetically sealed,
iniquitous airtight, vacuum packed
flagrant misuse of power,
(not to mention nepotism)
invidious, insidious, injurious... infractions
incontestable, incontrovertible, contemptible...
significant melange in führer
re: hating deplorably
crooked basely barren
factual exposé after another,
deft correspondents all not quiet
along western front
(I heard Maria - mull remark)
bring "to light" execrable,
lamentable reprehensible...
gross transgressions
commander in chief
significantly overstepped
Pulitzer prize winning
prestigious storied publications
scathingly trounced, pillaried,
lambasted, insulted, denounced,
butchered, critiqued, demonized,
fricassed, gored, humiliated,...
pummeled, quartered, reviled
courageously expounding fiend
ensconced within his Taj Mahal
impregnable donjon, whereat he trumpets
laurels asper, nonpareil administration
laying groundless accusations
baring his white fangs,
twittering, naysaying, mocking.. supreme
renown gifted by "honest Abe"
recalcitrant commander in chief,
who refutes objectionable
dogged investigative journalism
every step of the way,
where dedicated news gatherers
risk life and limb
firing line reportage troopers
ferreting (foxlike) he/she
doth gopher precious nuggets
uncover alarming undisputable details
impossible to refute raw bits
agent provocateur freely colluding
immediately hashtashed poppycock
smarmy, snooty, snappy
beastly capital one ogre
blatantly castigating diligent endeavors
oblivious pie in sky
delusional egotistic haughtiness
bobblehead vilified by silent majority.
Another sex scandal hits the party of family values
Another fall from imperial grace
Another pastor
Caught in a red hot sex scandal
He claims that his wife
Had an affair with a pool boy
Who tried to black mail him
The pool boy denies it
Says the man liked to watch
And it was a consensual affair
No black mail at all
But the damage was set
The man
Was the president
Of a prominent university
An close allay of the President
Who led the evangelical support
For the President
And remains one of his close allay
Preaching that the Republicans
Are the party of family values
But in the end
People are people
And sometimes
They engage in inappropriate
Wrongful actions
Sinful actions indeed
Contrary to the teachings
Of the Christian faith
While preaching the opposite
In their smarmy snarky
Hollier than thou Attitude
they are hypocrites
Not following the tenants
Of the Christian faith
That they so proudly proclaim
In fact not doing what Jesus
would have done
Yet another family values preacher
Caught up in a tawdry sex scandal
Now do doubt the president
Will deny that he even knows him
Just the way it is
It is what it is after all
The Barmy Army still wading among the dung
After Ashes tsunami any new songs now sung
Aussies smarmy but new Harmy..Josh Tongue
Dream of gung ho team does seem far flung
Baz loves betting & forgetting.. took a bung?
Beyond reproach coach on to job has clung
Some fans jest but suggest should be hung
For bish bash bosh tosh Mac attack’s brung
Yep Jacob up his eponymous ladder swung
Radder bowler Josh has climbed many a rung
Cruel BazBull rule made us all madder..stung
Cool fool with incontinent bladder & one lung
New flair heirs did woo with their foo & kung
We coo pair made us gladder.. despair wrung
No longer unsung.. Bet Hell & its fiery Tongue
Your call is important to us
Says this smarmy bland voice
So please stay on the Line
As if we have any choice
They don’t have many staff now
Just a multi purpose call centre
The logical result of the work
Of that thrice cursed inventor
Whose greatest brainchild was
The automated answer machine
One of the greatest time wasters
This world has sadly ever seen.
How many die of apoplexy
Not having the resolve
To keep on waiting for
Their query to be solved.
I hope that inventor met
An excruciating painful death
Lingering hour after hour
Before taking his last breath
All the time hearing
Over and over again
Your death is important to us
We just don’t know when
the coffee that Lenin drank as he plotted revolution, the coffee that Hitler and Stalin drank with FDR as they divided up the world after World War 11, the cup that JFK drank before he was blown away, the coffee Jerry drinks while driving in cars with random celebrities and political figures, the coffee that Jon Stewart drinks before he goes on an epic take down of some foolish politico, the cup of Arabic coffee that Sadaam drank the day he was executed, the coffee that GW and Cheney drank when they bombed Baghdad, the Indian cup of coffee that Bid Laden drank before 9-11 and just before the seals blew his ass to hell, the cup of coffee that Tiger Woods drank with his mistresses while playing a 3, 000 dollar round of golf at Sandy Lane golf course in Barbados, the last legal drug that does what drugs should do, the cup of coffee that Obama drank when he became President, Vietnamese, Vienna brew, wacky, whimsical,
Whisky Tango Foxtrot, wild, weird, wonderful, WOW, Yabba dabba doo! Yada Yada yada Zappa’s favorite cup of cosmic coffee, and Zorro’s last cup of coffee, Good to the last drop rolled into one simple cup of hot coffee
As I pound down that first cup of coffee
And fire up my synaptic nerve endings with endless supplies
Of caffeine induced neuron enhancing chemicals
I face the dawning day with trepidation and mind-numbing fear
I turn on the TV and watch the smarmy newscasters in their perfect hair
Lying through their perfect blazing white teeth
about the great success the government is having
Following the great leader’s latest pronouncements
I want to scream
and shoot the TV
and run out side
Shouting
Stop the world!
I want to get
off this ing crazy planet”
The earth does not care a whit
about my attitude problem
It merely shrugs
and moves around the Sun
In its appointed daily run
the universe whispers
in my ear
time to drink more coffee
for an attitude adjustment
And I sit down
The madness dissipating a bit
And enjoy my second cup
Of heaven and hell
In my morning cup of Joe
I woke up feeling great today,
alive with joy and energy
Then at the park, to my dismay,
an old She-Devil I did see!
She’s back in town. I’ve got the blues!
Again, I’ll see her smarmy smile.
“It’s great to see you, Hon!” she’ll ooze.
Behind her grin lurk gall and guile.
My friends and I must watch our backs,
where daggers she once plunged in deep.
It’s difficult to foil attacks
by evil. Does it ever sleep?
At sabotage, she’s skilled and slick.
No reputation’s safe with her.
This woman’s warped; she really sick.
If you should meet her, you’d concur!
entered in John Hamilton's NA Re-run Contest June 22, 2019
revised for Tania Kitchin's contest It Was a Good Morning Until--
February 11, 2021
March 23, 2021
entered in the It Only Seems That Way contest placed 7th of 10
Sponsor: Kai Michael Neumann
December 18, 2021
entered in the King-Size Bull Crap Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Charles Messina
HER
No matter what I try to do
Things are never right for you
You always make me feel so blue
Even after, what we went through
HIM
Things will never be the same
Till you stop this silly game
You can’t deny, I’ve tried so hard
But you know, you played that card
HER
What about the time you lied
I saw the cheating in your eyes
That stupid grin, with disgrace
I want to punch your smarmy face
HIM
It wasn’t me you stupid *****
I watched you fall and get hitched
You flirted with him, all night long
It was you that was in the wrong
HER
Remember that you, threw me out
So don’t you start, you crying lout
Maybe you should sit and think
Cause your attitude, it stinks
HIM
Don’t you talk to me like that!
I knew that you’ll come crawling back
And I didn’t mean to hurt you so
But you crushed my ego!
© Copyright 10th August 2013 K.C.Leake
[email protected]
Two black soul brothers
Standing on the corner
In front of Metro center
On a Friday night
In the heart of the new evil empire
The center of the beast
Hell Central
Preaching the word of god
The news of the end of the world
The proverbial end times
Were upon us and coming soon
The commuters, workers and bemused tourists
Walk on by the preacher men
Some pay attention, most walk on by
They did not want to hear
They did not understand
And the preacher man kept
Preaching the word of god
And no one paid any attention
None at all
God is going to punish us
God is coming soon
To punish the wicked and the evil
And to set things right
God is going to punish the U.S.
For its arrogance, hubris and hypocrisy
For its greed and evil
Disguised as saving the world
From the evil ones
God is coming, oh yeah he is on his way
And boy is he angry at us
At the entire human race
And God, let me tell yah
He ain't the wimpy, wampy pappy
White boy false god of the New Testament
The false deity that the evil Reverend Farwell
And the smarmy Pat Robinson worship
Hell no
God ain't that god
God is a mean, angry powerful God
The god of the Old Testament
The god of the Koran and the god of old
The god that man once feared
Yeah, I am talking about that god
Jehovah, Zeus, Allah and a thousand other names
The god that our ancestors feared
The real deal, and boy is he pissed off
And he is coming to set up straight
And send most of us straight to hell