Long Rottweiler Poems
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You want to know about it
The bad memories, the pain
Ok just wait for a bit
Ill have to jig it out my brain
It happened in the middle of May
Glen my friend was off to Spain
I remember it was a sunny day
A few months before I dated his sister Jane
“Come around please, pet sit”
“Jane and I will be gone five days”
“It will be only for a little stint”
“The dogs just eat and want to laze”
So off I go up the hill, House No 7
A beautiful mansion, the best on the road
You could almost feel as if you were in heaven
With a gate that had a 6 digit code
An eloquent man answered the door
Handed me the leashes and said he’d be back a five
“Don’t surprise them” and he said no more
I heard the car as it left the drive
Sniff, Sniff, then, it happened
A huge black object almost snapped off my nose
I caught the rottweiler by the skin of it neck
The chiwawa was dangling from my nuts and my hose
I screamed colourful words but for you I’ll use “What the heck”
I could not let go as I kick the rottweiler in the nuts
It squealed, then growled it went wild
I punched it as hard as I could right in the guts
Then I ran upstairs with a chiwawa hanging screaming like a child
I dove through the upstairs window to the grass
With a chiwawa squeezing my bits
But this time with a rottweiler attached to my ****.
The rottweiler landed first with me on top as we hit
I suffered a broken collar bone, a leg and an arm
The rottweiler was out but the chiwawa was hanging on
I didn’t think the chiwawa would cause so much harm
Till I ripped it from my loins and with my good arm threw it far and long
I fell on the ground in pain, I thought this was the end
And as if a miracle an angel stood sent from heaven
It was the familiar face of Glen my trusty friend
He said what you doing at no7 we waiting at no 11.
Life is full of surprises,
as you recognize your fear.
An adrenaline fueled
fight or flight puts
your behind in gear.
You’d like to think
that you are brave.
You have no problem
facing fear.
But you have a funny feeling
When it comes to yard work,
2019 was just not your year.
You're cleaning up the back yard
In the springtime.
Trying not to get stung by a wasp.
A snake comes out of nowhere
and you break camp like a boss.
You scream oh Lord!
As your skin starts to crawl.
Luck for you it’s a baby,
but to you it didn’t look that small.
You step back for a moment.
When you step forward again
It’s the middle of fall.
So, your raking leaves
in the front yard.
Waving hello to your
Lovely neighbor.
And she really looks fine,
breaking his chains
her pet Rottweiler has
something else in mind.
Your feet begin moving
before your brain knows what to do.
If you get bit that Rottweiler
you and your good intentions are through.
You move with a practiced ease.
Because you’re faster than a cool breeze.
And you like to thank the Lord
for the little things,
like how pet Rottweilers
can’t climb trees.
You like to think that you are brave.
You have no problem facing fear.
But you have a funny feeling
when it comes to yard work,
2019 was just not your year.
5/16/22
Here let me paint you a drawing
My skin crawling
Something stirring and calling
As the leaves begin falling
It's appalling
That people are always squabbling
And gossiping
Yet another mauling
It's no longer enthralling
The temperature of the water freezing or scalding
People aging, greying and balding
This process has no halting
Most spills their guts like a geyser
Life's a , but I like her
With every fiber
Many think they're the , but they need a diaper
I got the job done with or without a screwdriver
Close and far from barbwire
While occasionally sipping hard cider
Or Budweiser
I'm no liar
Or one to preach to the choir
Nearby a campfire
And 4 car tires
I stood with a Rottweiler
Feeling lazy or hyper
Harmless like a Sandpiper
Damgerous like a Pit Viper
Harmless like all these ass wipers
Dangerous like a sniper
Harmless like a Striper
Dangerous like a Tiger
Harmless like the town crier
Dangerous like a Black Widow or Red-Back spider
Harmless like always being nicer
Dangerous like the edge of a pizza slicer
It's time for the next shock
Most thought they could fix it with a pep talk
Meanwhile close by flew a red hawk
Before I decided to jet off
Dealt with pests lots, put them in a headlock
Then they came to a dead stop
Nearby the bedrock
It's revolting
Far too much overindulging
And information withholding
Dangerous like exposure to molding
In all directions it's pulling
I'm still mulling
Meanwhile they continue at lulling
So that they are the ones controlling
In pitch blackness
Full of sadness
Reaching a state of madness
The pattern becoming erratic
It's nearly always tragic
With endless havoc
I almost had it
And went bat
But I partook in Black Magic
In a basement as well as an attic
In the end the outcome was anti-climactic
The neighbours went off on their yearly vacation,
Off to visit some foreign nation.
Leaving me keys and a list a mile long,
To watch their pets. What could go wrong?
The rottweiler is a gentle soul
As long as there's always food in her bowl.
The trick is filling it as quick as can be,
So you need to be fast, faster than me.
The birds take pride in emptying their dishes
All over the floor, and then there's the fishes.
So there's food and water and then food again,
Making sure there's enough to last until when
The next day begins and we start it anew.
I'm told there's a cat. Really! Who knew?
If there is , it certainly keeps itself hid.
It's like playing hide and seek with some little kid.
Walking the dog has become quite a chore.
She sees the leash and runs for the door.
After being dragged two miles the walk finally starts.
The dog is immense, she should be pulling carts.
Back to the house and the hide and seek game.
If there is a cat, it doesn't come to it's name.
The birds are now staring at their seeds on the floor.
I refuse to refill the dishes as I head to the door.
So this daily ritual will last another week
And I'll keep trying to win the game of hide and seek.
Thank goodness their vacation only comes once a year.
After watching the pets ....I could sure use a beer.
Roxy as the loudest rottweiler in Waterbury, an historic town in Connecticut,
Roxy was a vigilante dog, which never let a stranger or a burglar in;
once this ranch home was a haven, thanks for the love she had shown!
While I was watching my favorite movie, she joined in with interest;
I padded her to let her know that I approved of her curiosity,
and I spoiled her with foods that dogs shouldn't eat: like cookies and pastry!
On the sunniest days of spring and summert, we spent many hours playing, I threw the ball
and she would find it anywhere on the lawn and bring it back breathing heavily;
whoever says that dogs can't be human?....They have already proven that to us
by being our best friends! A dog can rescue a child from a burning house,
and jump into the coldest pool and bring that baby unharmed to safety;
and many of them take risks that we wouldn't take, to protect us in dangerous situations!
Canines have been our bodyguards since ancient times...Homer, the blind poet, had one, too,
but what they don't have is a spirit like ours, that spirit which returns, upon death, to God;
and will they ever go to Heaven with us? Our answer should be no, but the odds of taking
them with us, wouldn't be favorable, so we must leave them behind in their earthly dwelling!
When we'll be resurrected by Christ, we'll remember these loyal and dear companions
that shared our affections, our joy of loving, and our same fate: living and dying like we do!
Roxy was the gentlest and the most affectionate dog that ever lived, Roxy kept me from harm;
and what she gave was more than anyone could ever give! And my appreciation and gladness
were demonstrated in my caring ways: making sure she was well-fed and had plenty
of water to drink, when I would be gone for hours...and on my return, she would greet me
with a loud bark, and licking my cheeks, she jumped on me and tickled me with her paws!
Roxy was a gift from a neighbor who died alone; she entrusted her to me, and called me son!
Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci
OK another adventure in the mad poet’s life,
This occurred just before I met Jane, my imaginary wife.
Jane’s brother, Glen had set me up with a blind date
He said the girl was a stunner, I could not wait
So dressed in me stripe trouser with me chequer tank top vest
I oiled me baldhead and let the old spice do the rest
Off I went down town to meet Deglet Noor (that was her name)
Glen said, “If you see her lips you’ll want to kiss them more and more.”
Then I saw her, and dam what a blind date
She was lumpy like custard with an all eye seeing Rottweiler that made me fearfully
hesitate.
She looked like a bulldog chewing on a bee
And the Rotter was eyeing me leg as if it wanted to hump me
I thought to myself, give the girl a meal
Then we call it a day and that was the deal
She chose this uptown place where rich people dined
A French restaurant with snails and frogs legs, you know the funny kind
I had a steak, she had prawns and a lobster too
And she persuaded me by force to drink champagne form her trainer shoe
When she ate poor lobster it was a terrible gore
I wish she could have taken a tip from Sir Robert Hinshaw
When we finished the waiter brought the bill and waited for me to pay
£1500 bloody pounds, my bowels almost gave way
I said to him “We not finished yet. Could we have Ice cream and coffee?”
And I said “Oh and don’t forget the mint toffee”
Me credit card was on strike and would not handle that amount
It was time for me to exit time to get out
So when the waiter had gone I told her I was going to the loo
Said to her I needed to off load a number two
In a terrible panic I managed to squeeze through the window, hitting the deck
I punched the air shouting “Yes!” followed by an “Oh F-ck” and “What the Heck”
I had fallen into the kitchen and not outside you see
The head chef said “We built it this way to stop people like you stealing from me”
Five weeks on and 100000 dishes later,
If I stayed any longer I’m sure I would have been promoted to head waiter
Nevertheless, If you do come across Glen give me a shout
Tell him the mad poet is looking to blow his brains out
**For my sweet Delysia Hendricks who asked me to write this poem**
**Deglet Noor is a date that you eat if you didn't know**
Bitter words spew out of your well-polished poison pen
Insult me, go on belittle me with your vile vitriolic venom
Think you are better than me – hell no way!
Every word that spills from your pathetic pen sucks
My one poem to your river of rancid rubbish
Each to their own, but I will NEVER change my style
Bite me, go on bite me - like a sweet juicy apple
I can bite back like a Rottweiler – taunt me enough and I will snap
Tart sour words full of malice I CAN pen perfectly
Except I keep my opinion and hostile words in my head
Me, I don’t pretend to be anything I am not
Every word you pen is pure malignant malice
A fiction write purely for contest.... or is it! You decide!
05~31~15
Contest: Bite Me – John Lawless
Some dogs call them master, but I always called mine ‘Dad”
I haven’t seen him in so long, perhaps I drove him mad
For when that car bumped into him and knocked him off his feet
Some people took my dad and left me standing in the street
I never saw him after that… was everything my fault
Did he wash his hands of me, I cannot bear that thought
They put me in a place with other dogs locked up in cages
I barked a lot at first but I was there for simply ages
It took a while but I accepted Dad had let me go
I guess I wasn’t up to scratch although I’ll never know
Then, one day a couple said, “We can’t leave him behind.”
And they were nice; alas, they weren’t the dad I hoped I’d find
I never would deny the gift of this my newfound home
Without my lovely humans I’d be caged or left to roam
I’ve never been ungrateful for the love they’ve shared with me
Yet every single time we walked, my dad I hoped to see
But that was many years ago and we’ve had fun and hugs
They even have my picture printed on their coffee mugs
These days our walks are shorter and although they’re still quite fun
My aging bones make walkies slow; I certainly can’t run
I sometimes see my people looking at me like they’re sad
I’m glad we’ve been there for each other… but I miss my dad
It’s strange that since I woke I seem to have new strength today
But now I see that other ’me’ which means I’m on my way
Before I was adopted Ron Rottweiler told me that -
When your time is done you’ll see yourself still on your mat
Your humans will be sad because you had to go away.
I always hoped I’d see my dad again before that day
In this new state I know much more than I had known before
I know that there’s a bridge to cross but I want something more
Before I cross to what comes next and set my spirit free
I want to find my dad so he’s the final thing I see
I know now where I lived and it’s a long, long way to go
But wait, I see my favourite toy and hear a voice I know…
I turn to see the rainbow bridge and yonder rainbow light
A figure stands in silhouette and yet an awesome sight
The figure walks towards me in its own familiar way
It reaches out its hand to me and then I hear ‘him’ say,
“I’ve waited all these seven years - the angels think me mad -
We’ll cross that bridge together for I’ve always been your dad.”
dogs on vacation filling up the beach with warm barks
dobermans, german shepherds, prissy poodles that cause sparks
husky and rottweiler are sharing a purple lounge chair in the sun
excited corgis begin a volley ball game; this is all kinds of fun!
bulldogs and blue heelers, tripping around in the moist sand.
perky dogs with fluffy tails that are wildly frenzied and fanned.
chihuahuas and yorkies and there is a beagle with a howl.
this would not be the place for a kitten or fowl.
let’s vacation on down to the Vermosa beach
and drink some cold water with slight taste of peach
here comes a striped surfboard and a jet ski too
unhappy mailmen fall from the sky, out of the blue
Brutus, my slavering Rottweiler, growls
He knows he's tougher than pooches with tails
The long pointed studs on his black leather collar
Are matched by his canines which make poodles holler
The drooling saliva that trails from his jaws
As he lumbers about on his four massive paws
Is soaking the ground and his talon like claws
Encouraging folk to keep children indoors
Devil Dog, Satan’s mutt, hellhound and more
All labels my beast has been nick-named before
I feed him on red meat and shin bones of cattle
It’s said he eats tigers but that’s tittle tattle
The park is all ours because other folk run
But wait, there’s a kitten, now this could be fun
Brutus will rip him apart for a lark
And splatter its blood and guts over the park
Hey, kitty kitty, come over to me
Play with my dog, what good friends you could be
But kitten was clever, too clever for me
He hissed and now Brutus is stuck up a tree