Long Risque Poems

Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine:

There was a lewd whore from Nantucket
who intended to pee in a bucket;
but...

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"Candy Girl" - 2



He had been watching her from the far end of the Ice Bar, where he was sitting propped up on an ice ledge which was cushioned in plush Reindeer hide and Yak...

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In the intimate interlace of chance and fate, in the ultimate interplay of time and place, and with the consummate checkmate of my human dignity, all that is -- is over, in the stormy, swarming...

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Bounteous mass media mechanizations...
generate fixation spurring sexual exploitation
evidenced courtesy adulation
particularly regarding young females,
whose seductive poses 
linkedin selling (hard) wares
versus advertising males sporting, harkening,
approximating Adonis with remarkable beauty. 

Western civilization commercialization,
commodification, communication 
methodologies adrip with deification,...

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Espousing irreverent greed

Crafted one year ago today
yours truly – hopefully self plagiarism okay
worse case scenario, 
I would meet ill fate re: kenway
named after Assassin Creed 
Black Flag's protagonist. 

"Yo, I totally Kenwayed that guy." 
by...

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"The Recalcitrant Romantico Sends a Love Note to the World"



There was a loophole in the contract
in fine print, when the final page was rolled back,
a sharp paper cut bled a firebrand’s life and a swollen...

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I crowned the write full missus "champ paean practical joker"

The following moniker “innocent prankster” 
awarded, hashtagged, and qualified wife
as trickster de jure appended 
to alluded spouse 
(then of twenty five plus years),
when she pulled a...

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Espousing irreverent greed

Passive stance, but aye agreed
and did promise to pledge troth
faster than greased lightning airspeed
once the missus temporarily
ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed
became in family way with child
thee eldest, whom one day may breed,
when permanently...

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Empty nest syndrome, plus lapsed romances revisited...
courtesy Matthew Scott Harris
sentimental memorialized mental archive

No matter mine eldest daughter
(born December 22nd, 1996)
starred circa within storied
Matthew Scott Harris family
rendition of Breaking Home Ties.

Now interspersed with
following recherché trivia:
originally titled...

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Limericks VIII plus one Lead-In Poem



Updated Advice to Amorous Bachelors
by Michael R. Burch

At six-thirty,
feeling flirty,
I put on the hurdy-gurdy ...

But Ms. Purdy,
all alert-y,
kicked me where I’m sore and hurty.

The moral of my story?
To avoid a...

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which prime mate affectionately called buttock blaster
alimentary explosion ofttimes causes global disaster
upon such gaseous debacle run for your life ever faster!

Yours truly (humorously dry husband)
can definitively attest,
she (thee missus) nixed, ordained,
inured, espoused blessed
discrete frolicsome liaisons...

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Mornin coffee thinkin of you!
Simmers thoughts of a wonderful brew,
as dreams of romance percolate into view!
Such an awesome aroma I sense,
if we were to become more intense!
How's about a warm slow roast,
somethin that you'll like...

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It was the Halloween Ball
In the season of the fall
A mysterious bachelor called
To the attention of us all

The biggest mansion party
The cooks food is hearty
The host is definitely tardy
For most of his own party

The musicians...

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It took some heavy digging and a lot of clever research.
But scientists have now explained in full detail how evolution works.
Finally it all comes together after much debate and so much time.
(To appeal to the...

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Every drop won't be enough 
to bribe a heart that feels so much.
With every well dried to the bone
I forget your face and can't find home.
You warm my blood you'd be my crutch
Just take her...

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a lot of intrigue, plenty of danger and a little bit of romance
a fatal conspiracy, God's destiny with a touch of bribery and finance
the Bible's book of Esther reads like a modern novel that contains...

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I crown the missus "champ impractical joker"

Unbeknownst the wife appeared unusually upbeat,
she did pretend and succeed
to give yours truly a special treat
aforementioned item alluded to purchased
at Liberty Ministry thrift store

3841 Ridge Pike
(some miles further east
same...

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This Damed Family Man - Sad Commentary

The personal issue asper role
     of fatherhood, I did address
in psycho therapy
     earlier today, particularly dynamics
     between...

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Aye agreed
and did promise to pledge troth
faster than greased lightning airspeed
once the missus temporarily
ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed
became in family way with child

thee eldest, whom one day may breed
opting out begetting offspring
later versus schooner, I...

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My dearest,  Poe, how doth I findeth thee,
By now 'tis be of common knowledge.
By the morrow the whole of Colchester will 
hear of it--it'll be no privy matter, I'm sure.
And, um, well, ah ......

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Abominable holiday season greeting to the have-nots me and you
Bombshell tabloid sleigh bells got those ear holes ringing
Cut the tax gift wrap ribbon, only good cheers for the wealthy few
Ducky Little Donald beaky wacky-quacky curse...

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The emotions you stir are deep within.
Emotions so risque surely they're a sin. 
Please close your eyes and feel me near.
I want to hold you my precious dear. 
Laying next to you as you go...

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Let's jump straight Into The Fray. But before I do, to God I will pray. I will say Lord please let not your people be led astray. Lord if you find our  hearts to...

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      Clover superlative lovers, sprung via same stem
      Umbrella immunity protects sprites supple
      Filter purity lacy leaf shade kindly dapples...

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my Muse and i
i went for proper
grammar instead
of the sonority of
my Muse and me
but back to the 
poem if that's what
you want to call it so

my Muse and i 
we're texting 
about having a
baby but...

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