Long Porker Poems
Long Porker Poems. Below are the most popular long Porker by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Porker poems by poem length and keyword.
For there abide beef, pork and chicken
and the greatest of these is bacon
hot sizzling crispy to the tongue
satiating succulently scrumptious bacon.
For bacon curries no favor
plays the field tempts the stoic and saintly
slides into gustatorial beds
romps with tomato and lettuce
hangs out with eggs, hard boiled and soft
mocks the ten condiments
bathes in the sinful seven
is prideful
lusts after
the last greed filled bite
of gluttony
provokes the envy
of slothful
greasy lust.
Ah, bacon
you grease the skids
of dietary destruction
stalk the fat cells
of cellulitic cravings
tempt the tendrils of scent
with your aphrodisial aroma
inducing a pheromonal fling.
Oh bacon
you promiscuous panderer
curvaceous little porker
I believe
I trust
I lust
in and after your truth.
John G. Lawless
©11/2/2019
I have a porker as a stalker; it keeps following me down the street
I cannot talk to my friends, as it keeps oinking when I try to speak
Doesn’t it have an owner it can go home to, and as leave me alone
Once; I tried to lock it out, but, all it did on me is squeal and moan
And, its weird habit of wearing a tutu and doing its pot belly dance
If it had been potty trained, life would have been sweet, no chance
I had enough of her nicking my bed once she farted I disowned her
I stuck posters up with a photo to see if I could find her true owner
3 months later, and still no reply I started to think along other lines
So I put her on the cover of magazines dressing her up to the nines
It wasn’t long before Porker the stalker, had become a renown star
Now; Porker the stalker owns her own limo, with its own liquor bar
Are you still sticking with it here as the tale gets even more bizarre
She met a prize pig up Ohio who played guitar and was a superstar
It wasn’t long before they got wedded, and had piglets by the score
Where; at long last, Porker the stalker, was not my stalker anymore
I really should’a read the fine print when I bought a ‘micro pig’
For this porker is enormous, surely it’s not meant to grow this big!
I really should’a read the fine print when I brought an old motor car
It broke down on the way home ...oh dear it didn’t get very far
He really should’a read the fine print when his bright pink condom split
Money back if not completely satisfied – I don’t believe a word of it!
I really should’a read the fine print when I joined a get rich quick scheme
I sent off all my bank details … and found my account has been wiped clean!
Contest – Should’a read the small print Sponsored by John Lawless
04~11~16
By 12
By 12 I was
fully grown. My height was
the envy of
the short arses in
my classes. I wasn’t a
porker like
some ... I was
spared fat jokes. My level of
pituitary activity was, well,
excellent. Hormone increases were
too. Ejaculated more than
most. My secondary sex characteristics gave me
some respect. I was the first in
my class to
break their
voice. My thin mo caused awe in
the hairless. Deductive reasoning was
special. My systematic problem finding the answers to
things had triple the
different possibilities thought about, mulled, prior to
the answers being chosen. I was the king of
abstract thoughts, and that
riddled others with
confusion and
anger. It was easier for me to
manipulate abstract concepts than
concrete ones. Hours on
end I’d get lost in
idealistic contemplation of
hypotheticals until I was
clapped out
of it. I spent a lot of
time lost in
identity formation. I soaked in
everything. Long-term memory
ached. I praised daily the
elaboration added to
encoding strategies. I avoided happily interactions with
most. Opposite-peers I avoided
happily. I was
undateable.
Five fat Porkers
Five fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Emily,
Was taken out one day,
Now delicious rashers of Bacon,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Four fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Reginald,
Was taken out one day,
To make some succulent Sausages,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Three fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Millicent,
Was taken out one day,
To star in a Roast Hog Supper,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Two fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Albert,
Was taken out one day,
To craft some joints of juicy Pork,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
One fat Porker, all alone in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a cry and a sigh.
One fat Sow called Rita,
Was taken out one day,
Put in the field with the Gloucester’s,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Flawsymay Mindgone is here to play.
I look in the mirror and know I am in trouble today.
She roller skates in the house and puts mud on the floor.
She calls up the neighbors and runs nude out the door.
My husband was looking in the mirror over my shoulder.
Come on! He said. Why can’t you calm down? You are a year older.
Flawsymay Mindgone comes when she wants to boogie and dance.
I'll ry to get away before midnight, without a rumor askance.
The last time she came over my friends huffed off all irritated and mad.
Told Mame she looks like a porker in her dress, which was kind of bad.
I am calling in sick, for I dare not arrive anywhere close to my school.
The principal there does not put up with any kind of irritating fool.
A strange woman blasted into the family reunion
Came in loud and crass; obnoxious. Showing off.
No one knew her.
I was selected to ask her to leave.
Mom! She said.
It was one of my foster children from way back when.
I did not recognize her.
She had been a porker but she had slimmed up
And gotten two feet taller.
She picked me up off my feet, hugging me with a huge hug.
My husband stood up, concerned when she carried me to the old person’s table.
“Veronica!” he said, acting delighted.
I was not fooled; he never liked this one.
“I can give you some diet tips,” she said, setting me down in the middle of the desserts.
I have lost sixty-seven pounds," she told him. "Looks like you
found most of them."
In fear, other relatives began to leave the reunion.
Our family is full people with tempers.
No one wanted to hear more and they forgot I had married a pussy cat.
I began devouring a dainty sliver of coconut cake.
“Sixty eight calories,” she declared firmly.
I had a piece of pecan pie in my mouth now.
“Sugar entices cancer to consume our colon,” she said.
I knew I looked as happy as my husband who flounced off.
I picked up a spoon and began digging into the pan of lemon delight.
I guess the more nervous I become, the more I eat.
Veronica was rattling off warnings, advice and diet tips the whole time.
No one had ever cleared out our family reunion this fast.
I kind of admired her new-found confidence.
Forkaroon : I hear we are in for a big treat tonight forksie
Forksie: Oh Ya ! I was hoping for something exciting and juicy
Forkaroon: I'm going to give you a little hint darlin, it once was alive
Forksie: hmm, that rules out cheese and dandelion greens then
Forkaroon : Your such a silly one Forksie, salivate mama cuz its comin'
Forksie: you mean it has legs ! Ah, I better go polish my glow then
Forkaroon: its a big fat juicy steak forksie, beef was on sale this week
Forksie: you mean to tell me that porker bought the biggest steak?
Forkaroon: it was so big he had to strap it to the roof of his car
Forksie: Oh my, we are going to die two happy forks tonight
Forkaroon: Before we get all bent out of shape, you wanna spoon?
Forksie: I thought you'd never ask.
December 12, 2022
She is such a pretty porker the old sow said.
I thought you were too old for swine, said cousin Fred.
I may be tough, but I am certainly not dead,
She is a gorgeous gobbler, the old sow said.
Would you say she’s gourmet? Asked Aunt Sue.
She has been the head hog in the pen since ninety-two.
I don’t want to go there, her dad said, how about you?
Don’t get me into this said Uncle Pete, who was afraid of Sue.
The piglet in question was coming into her own.
She knew her curly tail was attractive as any rooster’s comb.
She rooted and tooted and flashed her sweet rump around.
Nearly doing in the males, who were looking away at the ground.
“Delilah! Stop that!” Yelled an old hog from inside the house.
You are flashing and flaring, tantalizing the boars with your louse.
Delilah smiled, knowing full well she was the best bacon intention.
Not understanding what it meant, but happy to receive full attention.