Rattler of Diet Tips and Warnings

A strange woman blasted into the family reunion Came in loud and crass; obnoxious. Showing off. No one knew her. I was selected to ask her to leave. Mom! She said. It was one of my foster children from way back when. I did not recognize her. She had been a porker but she had slimmed up And gotten two feet taller. She picked me up off my feet, hugging me with a huge hug. My husband stood up, concerned when she carried me to the old person’s table. “Veronica!” he said, acting delighted. I was not fooled; he never liked this one. “I can give you some diet tips,” she said, setting me down in the middle of the desserts. I have lost sixty-seven pounds," she told him. "Looks like you found most of them." In fear, other relatives began to leave the reunion. Our family is full people with tempers. No one wanted to hear more and they forgot I had married a pussy cat. I began devouring a dainty sliver of coconut cake. “Sixty eight calories,” she declared firmly. I had a piece of pecan pie in my mouth now. “Sugar entices cancer to consume our colon,” she said. I knew I looked as happy as my husband who flounced off. I picked up a spoon and began digging into the pan of lemon delight. I guess the more nervous I become, the more I eat. Veronica was rattling off warnings, advice and diet tips the whole time. No one had ever cleared out our family reunion this fast. I kind of admired her new-found confidence.