Long Olay Poems

Year after year I am deeply depressed,
I'm highly educated and I'm well dressed.
I live from highest peak to another peak,
Celebrate them every time with chick and sleek.

Wonder, what is it that happens in between? 
Mere...

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Oh the joys of an airport trolley
I try and push it oh what a folly
The wheels always have a life of their own
I’ve not got off the ground I just want to go home

I want...

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Our family is all about smells.
When Old Spice clogs our senses
My father is visiting.
Sometimes I get a glimpse of him too,
Out of the corner of my eye.
He has been gone for eight years.

When my mother-in-law...

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hey man, your words smell like tuna fish
your rhymes are ludicrous
and I have a wish
you on vacation would be my bliss
your shirt is wearing spagetti
did you dine in the serengeti
oh yeah ha ha  just...

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Inspired by and sung to "The Whip It" tune by Devo.

CRACK that old age whip
Give it a pink slip,
Step on an elliptical,
Old age shouldn't have come this quick!

Now whip your bod,
into shape,
tone it up,
its not...

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Long, slim, chocolate, and divine
Most men, and even some women pine... feign over this birthday suit of mine
Smooth layers with no assistance from oil of olay
I sport my suit proudly as if everyday were my...

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Nothing more tragic or comical, than to think life ends at fifty.
So terribly brainwashed...really!


A sag here, a wrinkle there, proves you lived a long life.
To an old dame, like me, I celebrate life, it's ...

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Cows give milk, also 'wallets' sewn from leather 
'shoes' accent her dress, 'Hide's' cover her body
in northern freezing weather...
          USDA protects everybody

Beef prepared, served as a...

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There’s a chemical factory upon my face
I have lines and spots I need to erase
I mix elixirs and daily apply
The aging process I cannot deny

I have marks and wrinkles and sagging skin
The lines increase and...

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At night I slather on my face
An anti-wrinkle cream
So it can make me youthful
While I toss and turn and dream.

Of course it doesn't work and yet,
This ritual remains,
With just the manufacturer 
To really make some...

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A lithe performer with Cirque d’Soliel
First much oiled herself with Oil of Olay,
Then practiced her intense high wire plie
While clad only in a grand floral lei.
Her act was a graceful mid-air ballet
After, she rode off...

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Hungry in France

Garçon, garçon
bring hot soupçon 
bouillabaisse accent egu. 
Qu'est-ce que c’est, qu’est-ce que c’est?  
Sounds like I’m un peu coucou.

Sacrebleu, Sacrebleu 
what can I do? 
In French all I learned to say
was frère...

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