Long No offence Poems
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She shed her clothes; fur and silk first
Petrichor lingered in her hair
Seraglio was the holy-grail
For most women of the enlightened age.
Not for her; Chatoyant lady with her lithe body
Was a warier of her country.
She was here to collect dirt on Sultan Milas
The Holy Mattoto King.
Enchante, she offered her slender hand to
Sultan to kiss
Sultan took no offence
Just kissed her hand, taking her hand into his own
She caught a reflection of his penumbra in the
Crystal framed mirror. Long and tired.
Yes, even his shadow was tired in his later years
Ruling a declining empire was no easy feat!
Sultan’s wives sang lullabies to their tots in the adjacent rooms.
So what brings you here madam? Milas probed the Chatoyant lady
I am here to stay, she said curtly.
As what, forgive me lady? Sultan hesitated
As your wife of course, the lady said. Didn’t my good father tell you?
‘I am afraid that won’t be possible, I have already many good women as my wives
And Myriad sons to succeed me!’
Sultan played with his ruby ring as he delivered
His solemn speech!
“But! I will be the best wife to you! I promise you!”
The lady pursed her lips.
“Look lady! I can barely satisfy my harem of forty!
Sometimes I seek the aid of my viziers
So that I don’t know who are my sons
And who are my Viziers’s!”
“But I will bear the strongest son
For you, I promise you!” Pleaded the French lady
“I can’t suffer the indignity of going back!” She let a faux tear fall
Freely down her cheek.
A pause.
“OK!” agreed Milas, “you can stay but not as my wife but
my Chief Vizier’s!”
A persian cat walked into the room
And leapt on to Chatoyant lady’s lap
But Chatoyant lady was no Ailurophile
Despite her name! So she pushed the cat away.
Violently. Then the Sultan knew something was
Not quite right about this woman of feline beauty.
Standing before him semi nude.
He was not prepared to lose what was left of his empire
So that he banished the lady spy at once from his palace.
Alas she had already collected the dirt on the Sultan.
His virility and his sons legitimatesy to the throne were in question now.
Butter Girl
Hey butter girl! You’re barmy in here there.
By that; in my pretty, little brown-heart;
Black boy’s heart. Or brown if you will!
Succumbed by taunting heat, how come you’re taunt ?
If you could do as much as help her out?
How can this gush of passion be not rife?
Why can’t I? Why can’t I? I asked myself.
So often lots bemoan, the fervent lads
Wed not cute lassies, they not being chaste.
This maze, This hassle
I squiggled, I tamed
In sooth, the tamed was me. What can be done?
It wearies me, it wearies lots, the kind
Of lass that cheers the heart and makes it skip;
You see them go with all tom, dick and harry.
Unvirginal the lots of them, not all,
Though many. Makes you Squeamish, makes you sad.
That’s it, that’s life, that’s what’s become of it.
I always thought how being fair could make
Nigerian girls thus cocky, thinks herself
‘MISS UNIVERSE!’ but no offence. I’m right.
You know I’m right, think deep you’ll see how right.
You wish to show some skin, for spotless they’re!
You jolt them men, them boys, at all of jolt
Come randy from the crisp-butter long-legs.
When you are old and grey and full of crease.
And ironing out, not easy, as you wont.
Take down this book and reminisce on old.
Believe me ma’am, had you such venture forth
And get a little closer to thy God;
Past what you’re doing now, you’ll garner Grace!
Bethink the world to come for this you see.
Is not eternal, its ephemeral.
Its your one and only test to Bliss!
And hold the world as the world, beautiful.
A stage where every man must play a part.
And if by chance you’re not a butter girl;
But tan, or brown or black; bethink. Je t’aime!
Glossary
Butter girl- yellow girl
Miss universe- the most beautiful women in the world
Nigerian girls- African girls (Nigerian represents the whole black African world because she’s the most populous and NIGERIA rhythms better in my poem)
Jolt- shock
Butter- yellow
Crease- wrinkles
Wont- used to do
Bliss – paradise (to achieve jannah)
Je t’aime – I love you (FRENCH)
Sirens, alarm bells and unscheduled drills
Intended to teach us emergency skills
On land we might jump up and run for the trees
But where does one run in these vast frigid seas
It has to be said that they’ve done their research
I almost felt scared when I felt the ship lurch
And when people ran, was that fear that I smelt
For God’s sake just say where we’ll find a life belt
Even the barman has gone up on deck
But I need a drink to sling down my neck
It’s the friggin Titanic, not some little yacht
And it cannot sink… in case you forgot
So let them all play games of ‘victims at sea’.
These dumb practice sessions mean little to me
I’d soon find the lifeboats through instinct and stealth
So they can all practice while I serve myself
A generous whiskey, poured by my fair hand
Of course I shall pay… you should understand
But I’m gonna write, gonna kick up a stink
For British White Star Line have just spilt my drink
When I get home, gonna rock me some boats
Gonna stand for election and get me some votes
I paid loadsa money to be on this trip
Yet they make it act like an unstable ship
What kind of practice drill needs an orchestra
Is it to impress a White Star investor
But pumping in water is over the top
It may look authentic but it has to stop
Oh, come on, you’re taking this so very far
I’m freezing my bits off, while gripping the bar
Okay, I get it, some people might drown
If they booked a trip on a ship that went down
I mean no offence if their income was meagre
I get that the lowly can sometimes be eager
To act like they’re worthy to be in our midst
But those lower echelons wouldn’t be missed
Those less educated might well have been fooled
And leapt overboard when “Abandon” was called
But now, with the water up over my head
I wish I’d stayed up in my cabin - in bed
You can’t frighten folk by pretending you’re sinking
I’ll find who’s to blame and what they were thinking
Tomorrow, I’ll sue them for feigning my death
For now though, I’m too busy… holding my breath.
im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now
there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.
AS NATURE INTENDED
This is the tale of Edward Brown, a man respected in the town.
A model of sobriety, a pillar of society.
He lived alone and, in hot weather, he’d walk around in the altogether.
With neighbours few and far between, he wasn’t likely to be seen.
And, anyway, to make quite certain, each window had a nice net curtain.
Having had a shower one night, he decided that he wasn’t quite
Ready to get into bed, and so he went downstairs instead.
First he put the kettle on and then prepared a buttered scone.
He put some cocoa in his cup and stirred it as he filled it up.
Just then he heard the front door bell; the knocker loudly knocked as well.
It gave poor Edward quite a fright; who could it be this time of night?
Standing there, completely nude, which in an old man looks quite lewd,
He realised, with a worried frown, that between him and his dressing gown,
There was a well-lit hall to pass and the front door was entirely glass.
He used his two hands to conceal those bits a man should not reveal.
But, as his hands were rather small, they really didn’t hide much at all.
He took a deep breath, made a dash, but, sadly, also made a hash.
And, running through the flood-lit hall, he tripped and had a nasty fall.
Just then he glanced towards the door and was aghast at what he saw.
For, standing there, mouth open wide, a female constable was right outside.
Panicking, he turned and fled, revealing the rear view instead.
The PC (at the wrong address) was singularly unimpressed.
Her modesty was quite offended, so Mr Brown was apprehended.
My Lord, he intended no offence. And that’s the case for the defence.
10th October 2019
Nude - Descending a Staircase Contest
Sponsor - John Lawless
“Song for St Patrick 2022”
Find me a four-leaf clover she said
Find me a four-leaf clover
If you do
You’ll get Lucky she said
You’ll get Lucky
I’ll name it a shamrock she said
I’ll name it a shamrock
Find me a Leprechaun she said
Find me a Leprechaun
If you do
I’ll put him in a clasp and
Press him to my breast
I am very lonely and
Will love him very deeply
Find me a Leprechaun she said
Find me a Leprechaun
Please wear green today she said
Please wear green
If you do
I’ll be your queen
And never make a scene
I can get quite mean
If you don’t wear green
Please wear green today she said
Please wear green
Let’s drink some green today she said
Let’s drink some green
If you do
You’ll find much merriment in the brew
It will thrill you through and through
I’ll drive you home in a cab
When you no longer can stand
Let’s drink some green today she said
Let’s drink some green
Sing me a song she said
Sing me a song
Make it happy and gay
When foreplay is the game
If you do
I’ll sing along with you
And kiss you on the cheek
Sing me a song she said
Sing me a song
Come dance with me she said
Come dance with me
If you do
I’ll hold you tight
With all my might
And won’t let go
Until the morning light
Come dance with me she said
Come dance with me
Pinch me she said
Pinch me
If you do
There is no offence
Unless you pinch my behind
That would be mighty unkind
Pinch me she said
Pinch me
I want to know if it was you or me
Or the Leprechaun clasped to my breast
Who got lucky Today
Happy St. Patrick ’s Day
When I act like a baby?
So innocent at heart , full of life
Making no enemies of none, free mind
Baby cries, a sudden switch to laughter
And as they play, to catch unlimited fun
I am your man not by muscles
Responsible, so lovely and cool
Determined and very ambitious
But in some ways, somehow
Will my silly acts be tolerated my darling... ?
When I act like a baby
When I come home, so stressed up
And the pain, unintentionally transfered
Will you my nerves cool down?
And my mind, serves water for a cooling
Will you fetch me water to bathe?
And my sweaty clothes help me removed
Oh my darling, I will sometimes act like a baby
A man is strong, yes, he is masculine
Strong for hard work, to feed his home
He keeps a lot of thought in his mind
Some dreams hidden to manifest
He cares, even when he doesn't show
But to his wife, the soft part of him
He still cannot but as a baby act, sometimes!
Darling, will you like my mother act?
Giving me your shoulder when I like a baby cry
Wiping my tears with your bare hands, so comforting
Calming my Souls with your sweet words, so soothing
Will you please take no offence at my babyish acts?
Please do, honey, when I like a baby act
I will, your man, forever be
A father, brother, in your whole life
Bring you coffee while you lay in bed
Takes you places you never dreamt of
I will come home, early, my damsel
My weekend spend in your lovely arms
I will, yes, be your everything
But all I for now ask of thee
Please take me as your lovely first son
When, though a grown up man, I acts like a baby
Mr Legend
Her name is hope...
He came in with a devilish look in his eyes , it was the lust
that separates men from Christ, I am talking doing time
for what crime?
Your skin color got you trapped in the same place, you will not get it
or get there until you look like MJ, no offence Mr "black or white".
We still carry chains thus our wrists are parched for Rolex-es and Tag Huers.
l do not know what I am really saying but you and I we need each other. The synergy , chemistry will not move until your blood touches mine.
Yes life is a drag , a play and clay but it can never be that bad unless
we refuse to never say never , now l am feeling nervous. In dark days who do you trust? Who do we call?
Black loves White as much as White needs Black for Black adores White . Dust your nerds you shall see clearly . Asians , Africans , Americans , Europeans , Australians and the galaxy beyond we need us in order to win together , this life is ours. Earth our sanctuary . Vol-tron the colors of the rainbow Alpha and Omega planted on mother earth , only love can shelter us before Mountains speak.
It ends the same , it hurts like hell and hell is for the wicked and lazy. Fight for your right , have sight and shine bright .
I am taking the first step , I am ready for whatever for her name is Hope she shall sustain us until another Bob Marley record speaks for Hope is the only who can save us , heal us and comfort us.
Her name is Hope...
The words of a lone man
The ramblings on a bench under a tree
The ducks and the geese looked on
Fed with his scraps, with all he could give
Murmuring thoughts
Murmuring truths
Murmuring reasons
Murmurings lose
Under the facade of a poor man
A man living on the streets
I saw the eyes of a cold man
I saw scars on his cheeks
I asked him if I could sit beside him
here in the park on his bench.
He acknowledged my presence and
let me feel I had caused no offence.
He showed the ducks his empty
hands and they all looked at him so
quietly.
He said to them he had no more
food or money.
I asked him his name
He asked: why ask that of me?
Silence for some seconds then he
said this to me:
I have no name, my name has
forsaken me.
Under the whiskers and drawn
face I see a much younger man.
I asked if I could help him with
notes of money in my hand.
He said he need not my money
because he could live off the land.
A young veteran sat before me,
someone who had fought for
this land.
He said his family couldn’t cope
with his injuries - his mental scars!
That they feared living with him
in their world, someone who had
killed in their house!
So he pleaded to me to forget him,
to pretend that we’d never met!
As I watched him limp away I
had never felt such despair
and regret.
We are commonly predisposed
To lack of common sense - case closed!
We seem to have it all and more and some,
Well nourished and beyond, stern doctors say.
Internet mis/informed by rule of thumb,
Well travelled, read, yet so dumb in a way.
So we still spit against the wind, chagrin!
Try to impart wisdom to callow youth,
Apply sunscreen to sunburned blistered skin,
And prefer sweet lie to a bitter truth.
We grocery shop hungry, total waste,
As chips and cookies trump the shopping list,
Tea mug left on the car roof in a haste,
While car keys left inside, you got the gist.
All through our younger years we binge and splash,
Despite moms’ futile efforts to instil,
By golden age we grasp it in a flash -
A smidge too late but of our own free will.
We analyse too oft what others think,
Dissembling deftly that we barely care -
Just keep your common sense and wit in sync -
The rest will fall into place, fair and square.
Last not least, togetherness is our strength,
The rationale we stridently strive for,
The rallying cry to our common wealth -
Bad peace is by far better than good war.
Humanity’s greatest lack, no offence,
Is of much more and some of common sense.