He Didn’t Panic- Aboard The Titanic

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Written with Tom Woody's Titanic contest in mind.

Alas, it is the polar opposite of what Tom was asking for

so not entered

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Sirens, alarm bells and unscheduled drills
Intended to teach us emergency skills
On land we might jump up and run for the trees
But where does one run in these vast frigid seas

It has to be said that they’ve done their research
I almost felt scared when I felt the ship lurch
And when people ran, was that fear that I smelt
For God’s sake just say where we’ll find a life belt

Even the barman has gone up on deck
But I need a drink to sling down my neck
It’s the friggin Titanic, not some little yacht
And it cannot sink… in case you forgot

So let them all play games of ‘victims at sea’.
These dumb practice sessions mean little to me
I’d soon find the lifeboats through instinct and stealth
So they can all practice while I serve myself

A generous whiskey, poured by my fair hand
Of course I shall pay… you should understand
But I’m gonna write, gonna kick up a stink
For British White Star Line have just spilt my drink

When I get home, gonna rock me some boats
Gonna stand for election and get me some votes
I paid loadsa money to be on this trip 
Yet they make it act like an unstable ship

What kind of practice drill needs an orchestra
Is it to impress a White Star investor
But pumping in water is over the top 
It may look authentic but it has to stop

Oh, come on, you’re taking this so very far
I’m freezing my bits off, while gripping the bar
Okay, I get it, some people might drown
If they booked a trip on a ship that went down

I mean no offence if their income was meagre
I get that the lowly can sometimes be eager
To act like they’re worthy to be in our midst
But those lower echelons wouldn’t be missed

Those less educated might well have been fooled
And leapt overboard when “Abandon” was called 
But now, with the water up over my head
I wish I’d stayed up in my cabin - in bed

You can’t frighten folk by pretending you’re sinking
I’ll find who’s to blame and what they were thinking
Tomorrow, I’ll sue them for feigning my death 
For now though, I’m too busy… holding my breath.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2024



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Date: 1/11/2024 8:41:00 PM
A very inventive take on another perspective. Nicely penned Terry. Smiles, Anne :-)
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Terry Flood
Date: 1/12/2024 2:49:00 PM
Thanks, Anne. Much appreciated.
Date: 1/11/2024 10:34:00 AM
I enjoyed reading your wonderful Titanic write. I also did this one. Good Luck... Have Blessed day writing away.......................
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Terry Flood
Date: 1/11/2024 10:58:00 AM
Thanks, Paula. I’ve seen your entry and enjoyed. Good luck. Terry
Date: 1/11/2024 8:22:00 AM
terry - this is so different from anything else written about the titanic that you must be commended for daring to write it. i'd bet that there were people on board who actually felt this way (for a while, anyway!) very funny in your always entertaining style...
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Terry Flood
Date: 1/11/2024 10:57:00 AM
Thank you, Ilene. When I checked this morning to find 50 reads and one comment, I thought, “Oops… too soon,” (duh!). I let it stand on the basis that, were it about a fictitious ship, it would have raised few eyebrows. Glad you enjoyed. Terry
Date: 1/11/2024 7:26:00 AM
I agree with the lovely Lin my funny friend….whatever topic to choose you bring it to life with your humour! You know l am a big fan of yours always dear Terence! Debx
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Terry Flood
Date: 1/11/2024 10:45:00 AM
Thanks a lot, Deb. This went through a fairly extensive edit and re-edit before I was happy with it. So I’m chuffed that you enjoyed. Terry
Date: 1/11/2024 5:36:00 AM
A (dry) sense of humour Terry, and why not, a lot of disparate stories were told by the survivors, your poem may be a parody, but plenty stayed on board believing the ship was unsinkable, others like you mentioned to Lin were locked in steerage, yep with hindsight the Titanic was an absolute farce, you should enter this in the contest, it’s brilliant, cheers David
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Terry Flood
Date: 1/11/2024 10:29:00 AM
Thanks, Dave. Of course the loss of the Titanic was an awful disaster/tragedy and I wouldn’t aim to demean the loss of all those souls. Yes, it seems there were dubious aspects - such as (allegedly) being on fire when it left port, but I think there’s room for tongue in cheek in most situations. Glad you enjoyed. Terry
Date: 1/10/2024 3:50:00 PM
I don't care what topic you choose to write about; the outcome is certain to be entertaining and hilarious.
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Lin Lane
Date: 1/10/2024 4:02:00 PM
You should never worry about offending someone with your writing, Terry. I'm sending soup mail.
Flood Avatar
Terry Flood
Date: 1/10/2024 3:56:00 PM
Thanks, Lin. I briefly considered that this may be considered by some to be in bad taste. Decided that just about everything, these days, offends someone, somewhere. Besides, it’s a mini shout-out for those locked away in third class. Terry
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