Long Losswords Poems
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entering into the Sea of Words contest by Leighann Anderson 7/3/2011
Remembering...
I was 27 years old, and in my second year of working for my first real "grown
-up"
job. There is something powerful about wearing a pair of pressed matching scrubs, a
name tag addressed by first name only, and a stethoscope around the neck( a lot
heavier than the plastic one I was so accustomed to in my junior doctor kit.) I
thought I had the answer to any medical problem thrown my way...I was wrong.
In between bringing patients to their rooms, the receptionist, who is the spitting
image of Barbie, minus the plastic legs, informed me I had a phone call, and is very
important.
Being my first "personal" call at my job as a registered medical assistant, I
immediately had to remove my "work hat" and don my "me hat", something I tend to
lack some knowledge in.
My head overflowing with a thick fog, I try to navigate everything out before saying
the usual greeting, to no avail.
My sweaty palm takes hold of the receiver and a voice I barely recognize mouths the
appropriate greeting;
This is the phone call that would change my life forever...
I could sense through the black receiver plastered with a large "911" sticker, my
mom has been crying for quite sometime. Her trembling followed the same route I took home from work everyday after I left work and went
home. This is my safe haven, no one or nothing could harm me here. This is home
voice cracking the words of an accident.
With the word accident replaying over and over like a 33 vinyl record skipping at the
best part of the song, I hung up the phone.
I began to wipe the stream before it formed a puddle on the dirty blue carpet of the
doctors office.
Coworkers hands patting me on the shoulder, back, hand and arm, I was taking on the role of the patient, with not a clue of what to say or do.
I got in my beat-up white Mazda 210, not sure where the road would lead me. I followed the same route I took home from work everyday and went home. This is my safe haven, no one or nothing could harm me here. This is home sweet home, where
everything is so routine. I so longed for that right now. I pulled into the driveway, alone, scared, confused, and filled with the question of why .
I stumble to the front odor. to be continued....
In a beautiful green valley
Where wild flowers grow
Comes the first blanketing of winter's snow
The clouds up above float luxuriously by
As I lay and stare at the wonderous sky
I can hear the wind whisper thru the trees
And smell the crisp air in the gentle breeze
I can not touch or feel
The feeling is slightly surreal
I cast my eyes down
To see what lays ahead
It is then that I realize that I am dead
My body is draped in a long black dress
My skin is absolutely colourless
It's a frightening feeling I must confess
I can hear the priest saying a few kind words
And in the background the beautiful harmony of birds
Sniffles and sobs reach my ears
I guess I didn't make it to my golden years
My eyes survey the group gathered round
A tear in the eye of each could be found
It is then that I see my only boy
And my love for him shines with so much joy
Suddenly a sadness fills me where once I was glad
As I realize I will never again kiss that sweet lad
He's saying goodbye
And I must too
I just don't know if I have the strength to do
A soft voice calls to me from above
"Come home my child", it says with love
"Come home and be free, Come and live with me"
I yearn to drift into that heavenly grace
But I can't bear the look on my child's lonely face
I drift just a little above
And turn to look back with sadness and love
Be good my son, be happy and carefree
Don't cry or remain sad, think of me and be glad
I will be waiting for you at heaven's gate
There I will sit and patiently wait
And when your work here is done
I will welcome you home
Then you and I will never be alone
I know that he can't hear the words in my head
For I know I am really and truly dead
A gentle hand touches my arm
I know that it is time to go
And so I walk toward the heavenly glow
Leaving no footprints in the brand new snow
If you leave I will Die
These words spoken, nay more a yell
has put my heart deeper into hell.
Astonished indeed the grip held tight
from grandmas weakness came mighty might.
Her pleading eyes forever will haunt
until the grim reaper to me will taunt.
Across the states in airplane I flew
when call of grandmas dying became my news.
To sister and father these words she spoke
when Catherine arrives, tomorrow my last awoke.
With her visit she declare “I shall die
willing and ready, all peace have made I”.
Yet simpleton girl, granddaughter did make
“No death to you, a healing you shall take”.
Each day grandma’s strength vigor and glow
“Run away death, this passing I shall slow”.
So strolls in the park under brightly lit sun
granddaughter believes this battle is won
Such dependence a quick arrive
now that grandmas been ordered …survive!
Seems her life saved now owe I do
grandma demands, switch of the shoe.
Walk in my stead weary she say
Bored beyond, each passing long day.
Her bidding I cry “What to do ?”
“Walk, chocolate? Fix my air tube too” !
Said not in grace nor thankful choir
not kind to you, or nurse for hire.
The walls came in on me at last
must break free, these walls to blast.
An avalanche of tears came down
now grandma left with a terrible frown.
“You break my heart ,you must not leave”.
And I to her, “I must you see”.
“But if you leave I know I die”.
These words to me, did make me cry.
Yet out the door, I did make pass
Knowing soon come, my grandmas mass.
Hello abortion my old friend
I've come to you again__
Because a period not creeping
He left his seeds while I was sleeping
And the baby that was planted in my groin
Still remains
Within my fear of silence
In disturbed dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of the moon lamp
I turn my heart to be cold and damp
When my eyes were struck by a flash of
Small insight
That split my night
And touched my heart of silence
And in the night light I saw
Ten million babies maybe more
Babies crying with much weeping
People hearing without really caring
People writing names of murdered child never shared
For no one dared
Disturb the cry of silence
"Fools", said I, "Abortion kills
Silenced permanently babies still
Hear my words that I might nurture you
Take my arms that I might hold you
But my words like silent stardust fell
And echoed in the womb of silence
And some people bowed and prayed
To the God of love today
And the song flashed out it warning
In my words that song was forming
And the sign said, "The word of the prophets
Are written on peoples hearts
And that is a place to start
And they're whispered in the silence
(Used /"Sounds of Silence__Paul Simon_Instrumental on YouTube)
The signs were many, so harsh, so cruel;
He played the game so naturally.
I closed my eyes to fend off the pain,
Until the truth consumed unbearably.
Shattered to dust by words so dreadful,
At last, the charade has ended.
The path of good or the path of evil,
A choice for us intended.
Broken promises, selfish acts,
Indulgences so plenteous.
Lies are for the guilty and the secrets they hold,
While the innocent pay so senseless.
Tears are words the heart can hear,
Destined for the family now broken.
Dreams uprooted, traditions end,
For the ultimate betrayal has spoken.
I know the truth, I feel its sting;
But, I play the fool no more.
Betrayed by love, but not by life;
Perhaps, saved from a greater war.
We will go on, we do endure,
Responsibilities see me along.
For all I knew well is lost, but one,
And for her I must be strong.
A more cherished gift I have never known,
Then my daughter, my heart, my pride.
So, goodbye to the hurt, the grief must pass,
And may God bless and be always at our side.
Form:
There you are; you have got no words left to say
Here I am; what’s this game we’ve started to play
Where did everything go; I see it’s smashed on the floor
I won’t ring the bell; it’s the last time I walk out this door
Well there’s my back; is that where you will place the knife
I can’t take your attacks; so I have to leave this type of life
It’s so strange
Things have worked out this way
It’s all rearranged
I can’t find the words to say
My heart is still bleeding
Weathered and faded
Where did we go wrong?
So hurtful and jaded
Now we don’t belong
We’ve fallen and it’s all broken
Well there goes the sun, setting down all around us
Don’t try to explain; your words I cannot trust
Thank God here comes the wind, I can no longer hear your voice
It’s like a never ending sin; thinking this was our only choice
Everything has broken away, there is no understanding
There is a new life to live, look at this seed that I am planting.
Form:
She thought of him constantly
Had seen his descent into insobriety
It had been encouraged actually
A familiar practice in her family
Since the boys were still in puberty
It had put his life in jeopardy
For he had fallen prey to its misery.
Her brother became an alcoholic
She tried to help him kick that habit
He would always fall back into the grip
Of this vicious beast that finally got him sick.
And that night, she had been upset with him
Had said words she regretted to have said to him
For those words had become a reality.
Now she couldn't stop the tears from running
And her family had shunned her out, blaming
All her efforts to help her brother had failed
But it was the alcohol that had put the nail
into his coffin, but would death liberate him?
She had to set him free, free from her sadness
She did all she could; he had failed himself.
By CarolineCecile
Copyright © 05.18.10
Form:
Again I feel confusion
Not knowing what you mean
I don’t know if its an ending
Or were this life begins
Not sure with what I’m feeling
I know I’m feeling lost
Can’t understand your words here
Don’t know what your words cost
One day I thought had something
Worth more than weigh of gold
And then there is a culling
No choice then; just was told
Thought your words meant more here
Thought I had a friend to keep
Thought one day to meet you
For a face to words I seek
I don’t mind your girlfriend
You live so far away
But just to cut me off then
Again I feel betrayed.
Do I have a fault here
My want for friends to keep
Can’t understand that ends when
You feel your mate you meet.
I’ve really had enough now
Too often I do find
That people can say one thing
Then show a different mind
A little touch of despair
A subtle much of comfort
Time isn’t to compare
If a company is of welcome words
Words to only hear
Like a death of an angel from the sky
Is there nights to fear?
If words of a poet… is one day to die?
I give moments away
I embrace thenceforth of illusions and dreams
Of words no more need I pray
And of love no longer have I found within
If there another night to find faith?
Is there to be empty pages once more?
Is feelings untamed to behave?
Is there ever a poem to adore?
Pages unfolding the night
Words unfolding the time
Faith to belong in the hour of might
And I am once more left behind
Her words glow
With the stars in the Heavens
She speaks nothing
But truth
She does not hate
But loves
Loves greater than can be comprehended
His words are stained
Bloody red
He speaks straight lies
He does not love
But abuses
Secretly
Using lies to get what he wants
She doesn't see blood
But fire
This fire is fire from Hell
She doesn't realize it
Her fire is fire of love
Infatuation
He pulls her into the boat
Gets what he wants
Then dumps her back into the sea
Abused
Hurt
And now she sees the fire from Hell
Has experienced the Devil
Yet she continues to glow
A soft glow
With protection from God
Form: