Long Jerked Poems
Long Jerked Poems. Below are the most popular long Jerked by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Jerked poems by poem length and keyword.
A man with a quiet demeanor
was cursed with a miniscule wiener.
He tried lotions and pills
But not one cured his ills.
Now he's a silent nail hole cleaner.
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
His todger though tiny still worked.
When he went for a wee it jerked.
He could still have full sex.
It was rather complex,
but when it was over he smirked.
BY JAN ALLISON
His wee-wee was indeed very wee
to the extent that no one could see.
When asked, “Are you a man?”
He replied, “Yes, I am.
You can follow up stream when I pee.”
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Went out for a night with a hooker
Blonde but thick and no looker
When she saw his todger
Said my dog is bigger
You're taking me for a sucker
BY SEREN ROBERTS
A silent curse shrunk his wee to a teeny thing
I swear it is no bigger than a lil chicken wing
For sex a useless reject
Can't tell when its erect
We make jokes about his miniature ding a ling
BY MARTI
Wait a minute please, I won't tell a lie
isn't always small, it's big as apple pie
the winds were mighty chilly
affecting my poor old Willie
now you hurt my feelings, think I'm gonna cry
BY TIM SMITH
Big Bertha said, "It ain't the cubic inches
nope, the part for me what clinches
is strokes per minute
while they's in it
not a tool needs movin' with winches."
BY LIM'RICK FLATS
if you want join in the fun!
It was a beautiful day for a picnic in the park,
We all thought we would stay there until dark.
Just enjoying the peace of a late summer bliss,
Like a departing lover engages you with a kiss!
We lunched on good food, and played volleyball,
And butterflies drifted by, 'til the crickets called.
Such a vividly golden and relaxing summer's day,
But then, orange sun was finally coming our way!
My family and I gathered all of our belongings,
Making a pleasant ending of our fun day longings.
As we strolled and chattered, birds sang loudly,
Like a peacock strutting, and preening so proudly!
My family was ahead of me, and I took up the rear,
Viewing scenery, while hearing them chat with one ear.
But very suddenly, I felt the strangest sensation-
Like being jerked, quite rapidly, to another nation!
Since my voice was gone, I couldn't inform a soul,
That I'd just been swallowed by a mini black hole!
Darkness all around, except for a circular top view,
Of marshmallow cream clouds, at the evening's debut!
Laughter and butterflies and children flying kites,
There never was good reason to end summer's rites!
Concerning my family, I could only wish them well;
Would I ever see them again? Only time would tell!
Speaking of which, my watch had gotten awful slow,
It was hard to move and cramped, with nowhere to go.
Like a butterfly lies dreaming of freedom's escape,
Or the sun whispering its warmth, to a ripening grape.
Then all of a sudden, I felt one tremendous jolt,
The unstable, mini black hole had begun its revolt!
I was suddenly ejected, like a ball from a cannon,
And relished the fun view, before journey was done.
Into the park's pond, I unceremoniously splashed,
Surprising many quacking ducks, whom then dashed!
Where was my family? A new dawn was now breaking,
Behind were regrets, which joy was fast overtaking!
My family didn't believe me, not even a little bit,
No proof in the corridors that have never been lit.
I was officially missing-I'd been gone three weeks!
I was quite famished, thin, and gaunt in the cheeks.
My family made me a feast, and I soon went to bed,
And the golden sun chased, until the stars had fled!
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
Jovial Dr Jekyll played for juvenile Justice
a just jaspered journey
jokingly jumped a joyride
to juicy jukebox jabbering
in jackal jackboots
from nearby jungle
Dr Jekyll clasped a jackknife eating
jambalaya to justify a
juggled juxtapositional
jurisdiction jamming
as jugular vein jingled jewels
joyfully jauntily jaywalking
to a jay named Jim Jolly !
Onward he jumped to a
Jungian junction
Jupiter jocund watching his
journeying joints
journalese seemed a jibe jig
but neither Jewess, Jesuit
or jeweller jiggled this job
So he jerked his jess
like a jape for Japan
Jejuning onto January for the
next jangle of jasmine
No jellyfish was Dr Jekyll in Jordanian jerkin
though sometimes Mr Hyde
with jeroboam swirling alongside !
I'm lost hurt and angry
Why did you take his life
I want, No I need to know
Tell me, Tell me why
I deserve to know
Haven't you done enough to him
What'd he ever do to you
He suffered his whole life
Suffered more than anyone deserved
Tell me, Tell me why you did it
I have a right to know
Why'd you let him born to them
Born to worthless parents
Parents who didn't care
They threw him away like garbage
Pawned him off on someone else
Tell me, Tell me why
Explain how you could do that
You gave him Polio
You let others treat him like disease
You took away the full use of his legs
You warped his hand and foot
Tell me, Explain to me why
I deserve to know
You let others think he was crazy
You let it go on for over year
You didn't stop it, Why
Tell me, Give me your reason
Answer me God, Help me to understand
You go and make matters worse
You gave him Cancer
You didn't give him a chance to fight back
You just jerked him away from us
Tell me, Tell me how
How could you be so cruel
How can others not question you
When others do it, It's murder
But when it's by your hand
It's your will, Their fate
Tell me, What makes you so different
Your no better than the demons knocking at the door
You heard me beg and plead
You know I'm not afraid to die
I was willing to carry it all for him
I was willing to take my Daddy's place
You didn't even let me say Goodbye
Tell me, Tell me why I couldn't take his place
Answer me God, you owe me that much
Spiritual
We had a great idea, my brother and I.
It would have worked except for sister Di.
She had to get in on the action you see.
Which caused us all sorts of trouble, us three.
We had this idea to stand on some stools.
Mom was gone, I was in charge of the rules.
A video we were making, which would have worked
Except Di went too far, and quickly jerked.
When her pot fell with a slap and a bash
Junior threw his to make a bigger crash.
Not to be the only one left out,
I threw my pot, and began to shout.
For Mom had arrived and was not so happy.
She made us clean it all up, we felt pretty sappy.
Years later we all look at the video tape and laugh.
But on that day I would have rather been a giraffe.
IV.
The bandits jolted as slugs struck home hard,
only one was able to shoot back,
Meredith’s horse reared, and tossed her off,
she slammed to the ground and lay flat.
The thugs slumped lowed and slipped right off their mounts,
all but one of them was already dead,
the survivor tried to lift his pistol,
but Reno put a slug through his head.
He paced up to where Meredith did lay,
she was shaken, but otherwise unhurt.
pointing his gun down at her small, slight form,
he said,”Ready to get what you deserve?”
She sneered and said,”Are you so damn depraved,
that would put me too in the Earth?
A woman who has lain with you at night?”
He laughed,”Honey, you would not be the first.”
He jerked her up as his comrades came down,
they tied her wrists, and put her on a mare,
then gathered up the bodies for a bounty,
there was at least two thousand dollars there.
The town was abuzz when they all rode back,
at Meredith they all stopped and glared,
a woman involved in such treachery?
Made many a soul sigh in despair.
Reno remained for another whole month,
until the circuit judge rode into the ville,
he watched as his ‘lover’ received thirty years
for her role in getting Samuel killed.
As the verdict was read he took out a badge,
once again to ride a hired gun’s path,
climbed up on his horse, then made for the east,
to Stillman he would never come back.
Thine distorted reflection rippled
within rain maker's pool
upon a midnight clear
full moonlight sonata
flooded shallow abyss,
cleaved fractal structures of silence
reverberating deathly hallow from 'ere
to infinity, whence magic wand
whipped out from
whereabouts unknown
wove disenchanting spell
atop me shaded noggin more'n
fifty ruffle lake suns
Dorian Gray pictured here
to fore, awakened
from drunken stupor,
whence sober self
saw repulsive trouper
fluid dynamic image jeer
at pot bellied, dead panned,
and ad libbed the mere
ore image lam bent,
mutilated spindled
various horrid aspects of
myself nine inch
rusty nails impaired
which, aghast at such
creepy distortion i didst rear
like a bucking bronco unclear
how this horrid, jagged,
limned paragon did wear
a grotesque disfigured Joeseph Conrad
lost within heart of darkness – maybe Zaire
or Zulu-land, this
soaked silhouette half bare
from waist to head showed unmanly
sagging overly engorged breasts
plus right and left elephant sized ear
egad, THAT CANNOT BE ME,
yet upon performing
self exam a glare
ring outburst ensued,
cuz thy once
bronzed handsome physique
now grist for a Joker to jeer
and fodder made
for television series created,
directed, and executed by Norman Lear
which role might be
temporary for Halloween, but near
lee every SINGLE day and night,
thy aged dusk fraught hominid jerked,
leaped, pooh poohed I ham ill prepared
to accept, roistering, rollicking,
rueing this Frankenstein scarred
complex deplorable edifice able,
ready, and willing to be tarred
rather than evince flabbiness,
gruesome homeliness, instance
when no objection would arise
to live out the remaining days of this life
as the world wide web turns, spins, rattles...
and voluntarily sign myself into a stew ward
with (at minimum ), a ghoulish, gnarly,
gummy self activated door
leading to privet hedge row trimmed
topiary resplendent yard
cuz every cotton pickin, friggin,
fingerhut lickin portal iz barred
dated Friday the thirteenth
with **** face on that card!
I reckon most folks have ludicrous events in their lives to bear.
During my four-score years, Lord knows I've had my share!
Some left my dear long-suffering spouse (and me) somewhat sore,
But we laugh about them now since they've become our family lore!
In my younger years I worked as a janitor vacuuming floors and such.
Once, the vacuum hose got stuck - I jerked it with a not so gentle touch!
As quick as a spitting cobra the hose struck me square on the snout!
It bloodied my nose, caused my head to spin and nearly knocked me out!
Once, my wife was leaning over the car trunk getting something out.
Innocently, I turned the radio on raising the aerial causing her to shout!
That lustful antenna was creeping up her blouse in a very delicate area,
Causing her to cry out at me in a state of near extreme hysteria!
At the baggage carousel I snatched a bag that looked the same as mine.
I try to be ever mindful and careful of my good name never to malign,
But when I unpacked at home I discovered a bag of ladies intimate wear!
I tried to explain this turn of events under my spouse's baleful glare!
There was the time I was up a ladder when on the ground I spied a snake!
Discretion won out over bravery - I asked my wife to slay it with a rake!
Did I scale the ladder before or after seeing the snake is ever a question
That my wife ponders to this day tho' I'll never make a true confession!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Intact I am math,
but in a blast I run fast-
somewhere above the tree line
I am seen as fine,
but inside I am tried.
The weather doesn't help locate a song,
so I hop on a motorcycle to get gone,
I soon crash into a nearby tree,
and lay on the ground for weeks.
The sooner I come home-
the lesser I learn how to grow,
and its never anything but my last breathe of shine that I felt my teeth grind,
gashing the enemy-
the way of the blind,
organic and prime,
my weaknesses don't show,
so I am fine.
And while feeling fine,
in an interesting wine,
I smell the pine,
it aches within me-
raking at my earliest pillory-
so I walk on pleased,
get paid,
and then go spend all my pees,
with this withering game of time,
I get hexed to know some of mine,
but I soon stop,
eager to drop,
1,2,3, and then four,
four strips,
one token,
and two years unspoken,
where I turn and spin in the door,
a splendid welcome to adore!
What shores have washed away from the pores!
What course I have taken to learn how to adore!
But there is a land I lived in alive-
but it just wasn't my find,
I was there,
but it wasn't my mind...
I wish I could scream!
Feel mean!
Go away unnoticed!
Then re-arrive climbing in trees!
Birds eat the bees,
lizards the breeze,
but character never breeds,
its gotta be seen-
understood,
spoken and then dreamed,
before you wake to it,
just like she made ya do it,
and you jerked yourself through it,
started ta loosin' it,
got loaded,
and became a rude influence.
Oh So Alone
They Listed You Missing in Action,
But I Kept Hope Alive for Years.
Maybe by Some Miracle,
You’d Come Back and Dry My Tears.
Finally I Had to Go on Without You,
I Married and Became a Wife.
We Had Two Lovely Children
All in All it Was a Pretty Good Life.
I Will Never Forget the Day,
They Had Constructed the Moving Wall.
I Planned to Go and See It.
I Would Put You Behind Me, Once and for All
The Ceremonies Would Begin at Ten.
So I Would Find Your Name Before.
I Wonder Now...What I Would Have Done,
If I’d Known What Was in Store.
They Couldn’t Find Your Name...
It Was Not Listed on the Wall.
There must Be Some Kind of Mistake
I Knew You Had Taken the Fall.
The Ceremonies Were about to Begin,
I Sat down Feeling Oh, So Alone.
I Heard the Man at the Microphone Say,
“May I Introduce a Man That Came Home.”
He Started to Tell His Story,
And I Heard Him Mention My Name;
I Jerked My Head up to See Him,
It Was You ...Different Yet Still the Same.
I Quietly Slipped Away..
I Felt Even More Alone.
Maybe Someday I’d See You Again,
But I Have a Family...Waiting for me at Home.
Connie Moore