Long Hoity toity Poems
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Where does one find humour?
Everywhere one looks... at least I do
Others may not see it like me
But maybe I'm just built differently
I was blessed with an oversized giggle gene
It's certainly not a bad thing I guess
Could have turned out to be a serial killer
Often thought I may have missed my calling
But I guess I'm a wee bit old to be starting a new career
So I'm really sorry, youse guys are just going to have to suffer
“Did you hear the latest one about...”
Sorry! I promise to make it more sophisticated
And only post hoity toity type humour like
“Didst thou heareth the most recent humorous episode chronicling...”
Holy crap! That'a really snotty!!!
Our land of stars and stripes, now glows,
with screens that flicker in hallowed halls.
Entranced humans shuffle, with eyes fixed below,
on small gadgets that have us enthralled.
Should the Statue of Liberty, our symbolic girl,
be holding a smartphone up to the world?
While tweets fly like eagles and hashtags swirl,
foreign disinformation trends as fast as it’s purled.
In lunch halls, real conversations take rest,
as influence is sought—in hoity-toity, binary quest.
Friends are backdrops—originality in short supply
as likes and shares make our dopamine fly.
America’s zombies, though *********** drained,
shuffle endlessly on, with Wi-Fi stimulated brains.
Once the land of the free, we’re now the land of tech
with minds wrecked by truths unchecked.
As we rock and sway—the new robot way—
will our old, analog-republic simply fade away?
.
.
Songs for this:
Airhead by Thomas Dolby
.
Oh, and a Christmas playlist because—it’s December:
daweb.us/xmas/Christmas_01.mp3
As Miss Luby watches from her window
a moving van backs up
the driveway across the street
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
its warning cry has a beacon-like effect
on the neighborhood
arousing interest from all corners
everything suddenly shaken awake
Even the squirrels stop, stock-still
save an occasional flick of the tail
Miss Luby's cat, also
watching from the window
pauses momentarily, paw suspended
before continuing to clean herself
And one by one, the other inhabitants
invent clever ways to investigate
without seeming obviously interested
Miss Luby's next-door neighbor, Fred
flits outside to water the plants
in his front flowerbeds, distractedly
soaking the sidewalk instead
While dotty old Mrs. Pappadopoulos
puffs along, pulling her little Pomeranian
up the street for a “walk”
slyly turning her head, rather owlishly
as she passes by
Silvia, Miss Luby's other next-door neighbor
is still in her housedress and can't go out
so she sends her three beastly little boys out
to play, knowing they will get the inside scoop
and sure enough, within forty-five seconds
they have accidentally-on-purpose
sent a toy airplane across the street
and spend the next half hour retrieving it
following the new neighbors
in and out like so many
playful puppies
Not to be left out
of the hullabaloo, the hoity-toity
housewife from two doors down
high-steps out to size up the new arrivals
over-casually strolling with
her beautifully bundled babies in tow
putting on quite a show
suddenly disappointed
realizing they're just common-folk
not the kind she wanted to know
All the while, the new neighbors
exhausted, amble in and out
of their new home
staggering
under stacks of small pieces
lumbering along
awkwardly lugging larger ones
A teenage boy
silently glides past on a skateboard
giving side-eye to the boring, middle-aged
couple- as he is nearly hit by a car passing by
driver distracted by the moving van
With an ingenuine saccharine la-di-da
The hoity toity woman said “hi” to ma
A want to be royal, an aristocrat
stated poser, false Sheila name of Pat
My brother was smitten right away
He gave her his best times of day
Pat could have been a clock tower shooter
He did not see this at all, my brother Tooter
She is so refined and fashionable!
I thought a narcist too and really dull
She is so pretty and genteel
I did not think so, and here’s the deal…
I knew William, her ex, a wonderful man
She stole all his stuff except for a fan
At her sale she refused to sell to him
He was escorted out by her new friend Tim
Will’s dog was sad, she had him staked out mean
Putting on airs like a Victorian Queen
Pat married my brother Tooter of course
Arrived in a carriage with a rented horse
We may have lost him I said to my ma
Just like your daddy, she said, referring to Pa
For Pa had run away with a scoundrel too
She took all his money and possessions in ’82.
I live up here in Minnesota where season's have four names.
But sometimes just one is the reason to our claim to fame.
Right now the snow birds aren't our best friends.
And the snow is up to our rear ends.
I'll tell you true, this ain't no game. :)
Well in a month they'll all be back to show off their sun tans.
And on they'll go with with their rich show and hoity toity plans.
If I sound bitter, what can I say.
It's been a harsh winter, last year until May.
But I digress, at least I guess.
My heart's not quite that froze.
Although when I shoveled the roof.
Quite numb became my toes.
Rjr440
For the impress me with a small poem. Kinda failed. :) With the short part that is.
How unappealing... the missus went bananas
courtesy hurling mandarin oranges.
Yes quite juvenile
unladylike childlike behaviour,
mine wife oft times doth display,
I do not deplore
yours truly reckons
tis futile effort causing furore
aye attest bull
in china shop incorrigible hardcore
exhibited by spouse
out of bounds antics bon jour
earlier within marriage
shenanigans twas the stuff
back in the day
sparking altercations, haint no lore
regarding wedded bliss
muddle aged doozy storied
married couple expressing
mutual love nevermore
did deux disparate
birds of a feather flock together
espousing total mortal kombat
(with looming fruity weapon
of mass destruction
living below poverty dirt poor
surviving (barely) hand to mouth
unable to afford
top of line high grade
clean atomic bombs rapport
re: ruining our reputation
as hoity toity main liners
portraying child's play
conflicts in East/West Timor
almost annihilating each other
i.e. zee Harris family
plus well nigh turning
planet Earth into vapour.
Sober realization of brinksmanship
brought now auld
geezers (defanged & harmless)
flinging foodstuffs cold
and/or frozen leftovers
(carbon dated), petrified extolled
as delicacy among Neanderthals,
who would value and
cherish fruit lobbed as
love's labour's lost more precious
(as a physical expression of affection)
more so than fine spun gold
thee rented man cave serves
atavistic trait hard rock cafe
functions as pleasant reminder,
where one percent genetic
stock originated (think noggin
rock hard iron maiden mold).
Backtrack to years spanning 2000-2010
wen furious red hot poker rage
twas unmanageable when living
under duress within Penn Valley
even tranquilizers could not assuage
harkening back when yours truly
under threat courtesy battle ax
and her henchwomen,
which matriarch took immediate dislike,
née rabid (foaming
at the mouth loathing)
towards yours truly
them days outright state
of undeclared warfare
found fury within me
exceeding the wrath of Kong!
Thank dog, I mellowed since then
gratuity prescription medication.
Where does one find humour?
Everywhere one looks... at least I do
Others may not see it like me
But maybe I'm just built differently
I was blessed with an oversized giggle gene
It's certainly not a bad thing I guess
Could have turned out to be a serial killer
Often thought I may have missed my calling
But I guess I'm a wee bit old to be starting a new career
So I'm really sorry, youse guys are just going to have to suffer
"Did you hear the one about the... "
Sorry! I promise to make them more sophisticated
And post only hoity toity type humour like
"Didst thou hearest the most recent humorous episode chronicling..."
Holy crap! That's really snotty!!!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Quasi Mote - Oh Ephemeral Transit Across Proto Zones!
Strictly speculation from this mind,
who contemplates stripped down version
bajillion eons ago
cosmic bit sized dots
pinwheeled thru spatial void
repulsed and/or attracted
colluding (putin on the Ritz)
infinitesimal show stopper
devoid of prior rehearsal
since previous cosmic contraction
absent remembrance
tabula rasa, viz consciousness
if rebooted, reincarnated,
repurposed, et cetera,
asper knowing nothing
perchance if previous rendition
courtesy big bang phenomena
commissioned swirling pretty
little invisible thangs
dust mote size
universe created, vis a vis
most violent explosion
blasting subatomic tidbits
bestowing, endowing, issuing, et cetera
propensity, allowing,
enabling, and providing
spontaneous quixotic, narcotic,
and kinetic (kit) impulse
gifted, kindled plenti
tinder vittle loving care,
(albeit on quark hilly
weigh small scale),
each unique data packet of life
transiently questing organic matter
linkedin within uber
webbed wide world
thrust by motive forces distilled
since primordial ooze
painstakingly agglomerated
electron's micro gravitational tug
incrementally configured
viable combinations
propelled to fraternize, collide, amass
with other distinct minuscule entities
democratic, platonic, and symbiotic
tete a tete kickstarting avast
differentiation, golong
engendering hulu costs indeed
pensively trumpeting,
deploying, and fracking
the art of the Stormy Daniels deal
eventually across great swaths of time
inaugurating edifice of complex systems
(again unimaginatively teeny tiny
timid uber pinhead size zealots)
livingsocial hoity toity groupon outlook
accruing quicken fancy feast
to concatenate, generate, and get linkedin
with hotmail to discover
visa vis whatsapp
penning with Molly Q. Wells!
No sooner than we set foot within said domicile
attestation to so called gentleman’s’ agreement with guile
initially infrequently, but incessantly as time elapsed Isle
never forget (nor will spouse forgive) with rancor and rile
ceaselessly besieging, bruiting bare-knuckle skirmishes
for us to remove ourselves and personal belonging with vile
lent vitriolic wrath from the day we decamped
within hoity -toity Mainline –
our matted unwelcome would endure for quite a white.
* I * S * I * N * G
With hindsight and accumulative less cloudy fifty shades of gray,
an irrevocable clear er voyance viz summoning forth would lay
an irreconcilable rift (rivaling the Mariana), and constant nay
saying presaged an emotional price to pay
whereat we deterred sale of vintage crystal balls – our stay
purported prevented sale of precious heirlooms – oye vay
in tandem to estate sale divvied up, cuz we whar in the way.
* I * S * I * N * G
Analogous to Little Red Riding Hood, we could not see
blitzkrieg, cannonading, incessant strafe carpet bombing re:
bloody onslaught from the generation of elder vipers que
endured feeling trapped by memorabilia meant nothing to me
* I * S * I * N * G
Warfare found us hunkering down within said tract housing unit,
a fusillade fired off re: porting volleys of character assassination
bombarded this unfortunate civilian clearly implicated to whit
for being a non jewish schlemiel inducing endless economic
denigrating calumniations – fulminating against this “twit”
we decried wicked, vicious, unwarranted abuse would not quit
with no defense against slings and arrows, a plague round
of ceaseless, ferocious, and insidious pilloried that pit
pendulous injustices for each of our **** (emphatic branding
per diem me own scrawny gluteus maximus to git
the hell out – eventually hiring a lawyer with eviction edict!
Form:
I only speak in Absolute
Yet this is not my only attribute
Im also fluent in Paradox
Contradiction and Outside the Box
Though Deception is my native tongue
And Manipulation my lips have sung
Not in ages have I conversed
In languages of the damned and cursed
On occasion I'll use Diplomat
To suit a purpose
Or if the situation calls for that
Never will I speak in Babble
Though in Hypocrisy I sometimes dabble
But my character i do defend
I only do this to reach an end
And Haughtiness if 'tis the season
And Hoity-Toity if there's a reason
And also in Conformity
Though it's sprinkled with Repugnancy
While in forgiveness I can read and I can write
My Understanding is riddled with my Oversight
I never learned to speak Coquettish
But I do admit I have a fetish
I understand a small amount of Bliss
Which I think derived from Righteousness
But honestly I'd have to say that Theoretic
Has always been,will always be,
My favorite aesthetic
Form: