Long Funnywoman Poems
Long Funnywoman Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnywoman by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnywoman poems by poem length and keyword.
Here’s a story of a nation called Freedonia
It has a neighboring country known as Sylvania
Freedonia’s richest woman is Mrs. Teasdale.
The country is bankrupt, and without her help will fail.
New government has been in place, but to no avail.
She then calls for the president’s prompt resignation.
This rich woman wants someone else in this position.
She insists on installing Rufus T. Firefly
Mrs. Teasdale sees in this man someone to rely
on in Freedonia’s awful moment of despair.
However, Firefly makes things worse off everywhere.
While Mrs. Teasdale is being wooed by Firefly,
Ambassador Trentino also gives her a try.
He hopes that his country can control Freedonia
if he marries her, and takes her back to Sylvania.
This Trentino plants a spy known as Chicolini
He is followed by a silent spy who’s called Pinky.
Together, they try to get vital information
on Firefly, and his inept administration.
What happens next is a funny abomination.
Before you know it, there is war between each nation.
So how do the Freedonians secure a victory?
All I have to say is: "Just watch the movie".
Based on the Marx Brothers 1933 movie "Duck Soup"
It’s midnight and I’m alone downstairs
I hope she’s sleeping, I’ve said my prayers
Now I’m walking like I’m in a dream
Sneak in the kitchen for some ice cream
DON”T EVEN THINK IT
Back upstairs I hear her snore
So I slowly shut the bedroom door
Be very careful so she doesn’t wake
Sneak back downstairs to get some cake
DON’T EVEN THINK IT
Damn that woman can read my mind
Or I’ve got an alarm tied to my behind
I’m getting so hungry, I could cry
Just a couple of pieces of Pizza pie
DON’T EVEN THINK IT
Damn it woman I’m wasting away
Don’t know if I’ll make it through another day
I’m so weak I’m on my knees
I’ll save myself with some chips and cheese
DON’T EVEN THINK IT
What would happen if I’d get sick and die
Then you’d have to stay home and cry
Now, because I don’t want to see you blue
I’m going to eat those donuts just for you
DON’T EVEN THINK IT
Now a salad bowl would be just the right fit
Ice cream, whipped cream, banana split
Some chocolate, strawberry going to make my day
Then I heard a voice behind me say
DON’T EVEN THINK IT.
She has jealous eyes that tend to look at each other,
She’s the spitting image of her dear old mother.
Her heals are all crusty and cracked,
And she has more hair covering her chest and her back.
With a body that looks like a half melted bar of lard,
Soft in some places, and others it’s hard.
She sat on mypoor dog Rover, and it took me two days to find,
He now walks around with an all seeing dog for the event made him blind.
She wears this hair piece a $1.50 e bay comb over,
That looks like the hair between her cheeks left by poor Rover.
There’s this fat she has that looks like semi digested jelly,
It takes ten minutes to stop wobbling, and that’s under her chin not her belly.
But this is the woman that I once carried,
Over the threshold when we were married.
A woman that can clear a five mile radius with a single fart,
The woman I refer to as my sweetheart.
Ok don’t laugh I’m serious about this
They say Ignorance is a double dose of bliss
I’m a novice at writing poetry and you can tell
I can only rhime and don’t care how a spell (Rhyme :-)
Anyway don’t laugh I say this again
Don’t laugh I tell you as I try to explain
Couplet- I thought this was six year olds that were married
Haiku - Those thing-a-ma-jigs a native American woman uses for the baby she carried
A Blank Verse - Well you guessed it, writer’s block
Eleggy - An elegant tall woman of upper class stock ( sorry Elegy)
Ghazal - Yes the antelope that roam the African plain
Epithalamium- something you need an operation for because it causes you pain
Carpe Diem – Must be the name of a Greek god
Canzone – An Egyptian three eyed, six legged dog
Well I could go on and on
I got it off my chest and admit I was wrong
The rest are explicit and sexual and need permission
I’m glad for poetry soups 51 types of poetry and their definition
Don’t laugh
I suppose the inventor of the wheel will ever remain a mystery,
A nameless face lost forever in the abyss of ancient history.
Was it a man or woman? This we will never know.
No matter who it was I'd like to postulate my theory though!
Woman from the time of Eve was, it seems, dealt a losing hand,
Facing misery under mans' thumb, acquiescing to his every demand.
Man had his sport hunting with rock, club, arrow and bow,
Piling mastodon meat and other game upon her back bent low!
One day she mused, "Ugh! I've had enough of this silly guff!"
So a woman it was who invented the wheel to carry all that stuff!
This novel idea made life easier for everyone concerned.
Man mused, "I need to find other things to pester her, by durned!"
The oldest known wheel it seems was made in Mesopotamia,
And I reckon among the citizenry caused sensational mania!
Everyone just had to have their own set of "wheels", as it were.
The sale of this unique commodity outsold frankincense and myrrh!
Now many macho guys will claim that I have betrayed their gender,
By suggesting that woman was the inventor and that to them I pander.
But we are grateful to the originator, whether it be a him or her,
As we whizz along the highway on our radials at seventy miles per!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
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