Long Funnywife Poems
Long Funnywife Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnywife by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnywife poems by poem length and keyword.
Jonah invented the whale
The first man ever to sail
He went round the globe
In his best Sunday robe
His invention was destined to fail
For Noah had plans for an ark
It’s construction no walk in the park
It took a few years
Some blood sweat and tears
But finally Noah made his mark
His wife tried most every ruse
To convince him to go for a cruise
He said, “I’ve been told
To fill up the hold
With gerbils and bush kangaroos”
They brought on the creatures in pairs
The rhinos and hippos downstairs
But space was so tight
Some put up a fight
Especially the grizzly bears
When the rains came the ark was a float
And Noah, on the bridge he did gloat
Saying “didn’t I say?
It would happen one day”
Said his wife “I could rip out his throat,
This is not what most folk call cruising
With gorillas and lemmings and ewes in
My cabin at night
It just isn’t right
I don’t find it very amusing”
So Noah’s wife concocted a plot
To scupper her hubbys new yacht
With her turn at the wheel
Her nerves she did steel
And crashed into Mount Ararot
I..................
Caught...............
My wife cheating...................
It had crossed my mind, should I give her a beating?
Instead, I sat on the edge of the bed,
Silence choked the room as nothing was said.
I stared at her, through the cheating, beauty I see,
She never dolled herself up like this for me.
She had her wooden eye in her head,
She looked quiet cute sprawled on the bed.
With lipstick smudged on her face,
In laddered stockings and torn black and white lace.
I thought she was about to speak but she played the mouth organ
I said, “You drunk cow, how could you cheat on me with Captain Morgan.
Ok she wasn’t drunk, she was very merry
And to top it off, under the covers was Ben and Jerry.
Now life’s pleasures, some are tall while others small,
But for me my friends I have a curse, a wife that will eat and drink’em all
Finally, if you thought it would turn out dirty, you will find,
It’s not in mine, but your dirty mind.
My beloved wife didn't have one baby, she had five instead.
I should've used a condom that night when we were in bed.
Everybody says that my babies are a wonderful gift and that I've been blessed.
But when I saw the hospital bill after they were born, I became seriously depressed.
I don't see any peace at home, my babies sure do know how to cry.
They've drank so much milk that they've sucked my wife's **** dry.
My wife wants them to get a good education so that they'll gain knowledge.
But I'll have to hold down four jobs just to be able to send them to college.
I love all of my five babies but I don't like the situation that I'm in.
I'm going to scream because I just learned that she's pregnant again.
(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.)
A man and his wife are awakened,
loud pounding on their front door.
It is three o"clock in the morning,
what on earth is this uproar!
The man goes down his stairs
puts on his outside light,
opens up his door
and looks out in the night.
There stands a drunken stranger,
soaking wet with rain.
"What the heck do you want?"
"You really are a pain."
"So sorry I"ve to bother you,
but you see I need a push,
just cant keep my feet,
keep falling on my tush."
"What!"Exclaims the man.
"You must be off your head,
it is three o"clock in the morning
I am going back to bed."
With that he slams the door
and goes back to his bed,
cursing and a swearing loud
wishing this stranger dead.
"Who on earth was that?"
His good lady she did ask.
"A drunk guy wants a push,
but I soon took him to task!"
"Oh come on "She says.
"Give the guy a break,
go back down and help,
God says don"t forsake."
"Remember we once broke down,
we were full of doubt,
worried what to do
then two men they helped us out."
His wife went off on one
she really hit free flow,
"God loves drunk people too!"
Of that he ought to know.
The mans conscience it was pricked.
He went back down the stairs,
determined to be helpful
"I shall answer this mans prayer."
He opened up his door
and shouted to the dark.
"Do you still need a push?"
"I disregard my last remark."
"Yes please."Came a voice.
"That would be oh so nice,
if you could give a push,
help start this damn device."
"Sorry that it is raining,
and I know that I am drunk,
but if I don"t get a good push
I know that I"ll be sunk!"
"Where are you?" Asks the man,
and my presence I shall bring."
"Over here."Replys the drunk...
"I"m sitting on your swing!!
My wife feeds me dog food and she serves her dogs steaks.
I don't know how much more of this ******** that I can take.
You probably know that eating dog food sucks.
Everytime I eat that disgusting crap, I say yuck!
Whenever I demand better food, I begin to shout.
I'd give anything if I had enough money to eat out.
Everytime I complain about it, it does no good.
She never serves good food like she should.
When she serves me the dog food, she won't even take it out of the can.
I'm not a canine dammit, I'm a man!
After she feeds her four dogs, good food is something that I can never afford.
The dog catcher just took her dogs, it's too bad that I couldn't give him a reward.
My wife is furious and she's going to leave.
A miracle from Heaven is what I've received.
(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.)