Long Funnylife Poems
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Some things in life we face with gratification and anticipation,
Tho' other events we eye with trepidation and frustration!
For instance, we look forward to that long-awaited vacation,
But a visitation to the dentist we approach with hesitation!
A preacher pounds the pulpit preaching the merits of salvation.
Alas, his flock anticipates the potluck, ignoring his exhortation!
Most folks strive to live a moral life to avoid eternal damnation,
Hoping to dwell in the Promised Land upon their expiration!
Folks are smitten with admiration for a new administration,
But forsake party affiliation when faced with inflation and taxation!
Dreamy-eyed brides look forward to their wedding celebration,
Tho' grooms may have second thoughts about such an obligation!
New recruits are engrossed with the recruiter's orientation,
But learn all too late that it was just so much obfuscation!
Some desire a military career but soon come to the realization,
That it requires lots of perspiration with paltry compensation!
Workers look forward to retirement after a ho-hum occupation,
To fulfill their aspiration of procrastination and relaxation!
Whether we confront it with exhilaration or abject exasperation,
'Tis a phenomenal phenomenon, this thing called anticipation!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I once underwent a very intensive intervention
during that period in my childhood known as teenage rebellion.
I had a session with a great motivational speaker
who claimed to live in a van down by the river.
"I very much like you did the things you now do,"
he said with a tone very harshly delivered,
"I'm now 35 years old, divorced and flat broke
and I live in a van down by the river.
You think you're all that, but I assure you you're not.
Live your life the way you are and you won't amount to jack squat!
You will end up being what you never ever considered,
busted broke just like me and living miserably in a van down by the river."
This man truly did save me from a life of misery,
because if not for he I would have never ever considered
how great life can be, as I now live my life so care free
in my van down by the river.
if my life was upside down
i'd bump my head against the ground
i'd trip over ceiling fans
and i'd shake feet insted of hands
i wouldnt keep any pocket change
but i would keep a blood rushed brain
every smile would be a frown
living life upside down
life upside down would be a mess
confusing your right from my left
people would say bottoms up
but if i did i would spill my cup
it sure would be funny when friends came around
they wouldn't ask whats up?
they would sarcastically ask whats down
for those of you.....who wake up in bed
in the morning when i wake,.... i wake down insted
people always tell me to keep my head up high
i look at them with resentment and walk away and sigh
pictures never seem to stay when i hang them on the wall
being upside down they always seem to fall
i always have a hard time writing what i say
and when i use my pen the ink flows the other way
its funny how people complain about how life keeps them down
but they haven't experienced living life upside down
The doctor said, “You are in tremendous health for a man of sixty years old.
Did your father live a long life himself before his days were told?”
“I’m sorry doctor, did I say he was dead? My father is still very much alive,
“In fact he’s living an active life as a man of eighty-five.”
“That’s wonderful,” said the doctor, “Great to hear, did his father live a long life too?”
“I’m sorry doctor, did I say he was dead? My grandfather is a hundred and two.”
“In fact,” I said, “He’s getting married tomorrow to a girl who is thirty three.
He satisfies her in many ways, including sexually.”
“Oh my gosh, why get married again, when you are a hundred and two?”
“I’m sorry doctor,” I repeated again, “Did I say he wanted to?”