Long Funnygod Poems
Long Funnygod Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnygod by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnygod poems by poem length and keyword.
The sonorous voice of God woke Jonah from his siesta one fine day,
Saying, "Arise! Get ye to Nineveh and I'll brook no delay!
I've volunteered you to go there and preach in that wicked town,
The people are very unruly - they need a good dressing down!"
"No way!", said Jonah, astraddle his ass to Joppa, fleeing from the Lord!
"If I can find a ship sailing for Tarshish, I'll try to get aboard!"
He paid his fare, went below and promptly went to sleep,
Just as the Lord caused a great tempest to come upon the deep!
The ship was in great peril - the captain shook Jonah awake.
"Hey, dude, call upon your God - see if He will calm this lake!"
Lots were cast to sort out their plight - Jonah drew the short straw.
The crew heaved him overboard and he landed in a whale's maw!
For three days and three nights he cruised about in this condition,
Praying, "Lord, I'll do anything! Deliver me from this perdition!"
The Lord heard him and brought his misery to a pleasant end,
Commanding the whale to regurgitate and deposit him on dry land!
Now this "whale" of an experience converted old Jonah,
And he vowed to the Lord he'd assume a new persona.
He scampered to Nineveh to offer a choice vis-a-vis heaven or hell!
The Lord blessed him, saying, "My boy, you did extremely well!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
I woke, it was dark and some thing was on my face,
I tried to move my arms but found my self in a confined place.
My head was spinning and I felt sick
I think I was drugged and someone was playing a bad trick
I heard a noise but could make out what it could be
I lay there wondering what was happening to me
Who could have done this, I couldn’t think of a reason why
I started to pray, “O God please don’t let me die.”
I felt the lid “O God I’m in a wooden box.”
They going to bury me naked just wearing me socks.
Then I heard the sound, a chain saw, they were trying to start.
I began to panic, I was frightened, chest pains, I think it’s my heart.
Terrified my bowels flowed free
It’s ok I thought that the last thing I’ll leave them from me
I began to whimper still trying to figure out who and why
And praying louder “O God please don’t let me die.”
Then I heard my wife, she’s in with them I thought until she said,
“I told you not to drink, now come out from under the bed.”
once while planning to take a picture
i thought about how i could
get God to pose
of course i could use a distingushing suit
but for a picture with God
a suit is of little use
then i thought of the obvious
a wonderful plan
i would take a picture with
Gods word in my hand
still as of yet
i have not posed for that picture
but at times i ponder pleasantly
on when i'll take the picture
until one day
it was cruelly exposed
i already had a picture of God
and just didn't know
pulling down the sun vissor
inside my truck
a cut out picture of
Allanis Morrisette
she played God in a movie called
"Dogma"
it frightened me at first
for obvious reasons
but when i think of God
i think that this is the kind of joke
he would play
so, allanis morrisette will stay
i will not worship her
or say that she is God
but when ever i see that picture
i'll see a picture of God
“My God” said St. Peter “how neat
A donkey head for trick or treat!
Just two feet? I want more!”
So god gave him four
off he ran hee-haw bleat!
There Gabriel stood with his horn
He said God I really am bored!
With a poof he’s reborn
With a tail and a horn
For tonight Gab’s gone unicorn!
“Well, Heavens!” Said Beelzebub
“Now ain’t this a fine rub-a-dub!
“Can I play?”
“YES YOU MAY!”
and poof he’s an apple in tub!
Yes, God is a Hall-o-ween gaffer
And the night rang out with HIS laughter
Ghosts genuflect as they fly
Vamp’s morph to good guys
And Hosts raised a toast to hereafters!
AND GOD GAVE HIM A WOMAN
When God first made the man,
He said,"What have I done?
He just sits there alone,
He's not having much fun.
I want all of My creatures,
To enjoy their life.
I know what I'll do,
I'll create him a wife."
So God set to work,
And He put him to sleep,
And as he slumbered,
The Lord dug down deep;
From his heart at the center,
He took the first part,
"She'll be filled with emotion,
She willl be his heart;
The thing in this world,
That he loves the most,
He'll love her and keep her,
In her will he boast."
From under his arm,
He next took a rib,
From a place in his side,
Near the lungs where it hid,
Protected from harm,
And the wind and the rain,
"He'll lean on her,
Should he come up lame;
For she is his helpmate,
Companion for him,
When he's tired or sad,
She'll comfort him."
When Adam awoke,
And saw her at his side,
He smiled as God told him,
"Here is your bride."
"She's the prettiest thing,
That I`ve ever seen,
But it`s funny you know,
Of a sudden it seems,
I can no longer stand,
So I better sit down,
She can get what I need,
It`s good she`s around.`
Judy Ball
(And that`s the way it`s been ever since)