Long Funnycat Poems
Long Funnycat Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnycat by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnycat poems by poem length and keyword.
Mum really likes her Moggy.
The cats her pride and joy.
I swear to God it"s pampered,
much more than US her boys!
The cat it understands this,
and goes out of its way.
To suck up to my Mother,
at least ten times a day!
It really makes me jealous,
so much i gotta mention.
That cat gets on my wick.
Commanding Mums attention.
So i devised a plan,
to get a little pay back.
The best form of defence
is to go on the attack!
A family "DO" was coming.
It really made me think.
A chance for some revenge.
there"s gonna be some Drink!
The big night it arrived.
My plans were put in place.
I acted all polite,
angelic round the face.
The Party in full swing.
I borrowed Gordons Gin,
and poured it in cats bowl.
The one beside the bin.
I added the full cream.
The cat could not resist.
He lapped and lapped relapsed!
By now he was well pissed!
He threw up in the kitchen.
He threw up in the hall.
My plan was on its way,
he was heading for a fall!
I lifted Moggy up,
then opened up the door,
and promptly put him down,
upon the living room floor.
He staggered round about.
It really was a shame,
poor old Mr Moggy,
he was really out the game.
My Mothers jaw just dropped.
As Moggy took a pee,
in front of all the guests
atop the new settee.
Yes revenge is best served cold.
What else can i say.
Poor old Mr Moggy,
it just was not his day!
I said the first thing in my head.
I know it was a sin.
But i couldn"t help but say,
"Look what the cat drank in!"
***Crazy Menagerie***
I definitely bit off more than I could chew,
when I came a-running to my friend's rescue
He said it was no big deal, a real snooze actually
to just please, please look after his cutie menagerie
He said everything was pretty much self-explanatory
just feel at home, and relax...he sure was being sneaky!
I thought the word "menagerie" was just an exaggeration,
but goodness me, I almost fainted when I was greeted by a python!
He just lay there by the foyer, quite snug as a bug on the rug
So I carefully stepped over it, and planned to make tea for my mug
I headed to the kitchen, when I heard something go squeak! squeak!
What was that? I wondered, then I let out a bloodcurdling shriek!
It flew right over my head, yikes, another one got me all panicky
My eyes bugged out as I realized that he had a couple of paniki*!!
I went rushing out the kitchen and ran straight into an aquarium
No cool fishies here, just mousies out of equilibrium
They were jumping up and down now, trying to escape
when I heard a suspicious grunt, it sounded like an ape!!
I was so scared to search for it, but curiosity won out
So I opened doors and cabinets, when I ran smack into a snout!
Ewwwww, I just realized that I just kissed an ugly pig!
I then remembered he kept one to go on truffle digs!
He said he had a cat though? Where were the common pets?
Ah, there it is; here, kitty, kitty, when I saw it was a ferret!
It was doing this weird dance, it hopped then bumped into me
I wigged out, then stepped right on the tail of that poor kitty!!
It lunged at me and I fell back onto aquarium glass
of course it had to teeter totter and I was too late, alas!!
It just hit the marble floor, then I heard that sickening crash
Mousies all over me!!! Shook my head till I got whiplash
The cat was now scratching me, I was screaming 'till my throat was sore,
This was a total nightmare, that snake was blocking that damn door!!
My eyes were like leaking faucets, I had thick tears, I didn't know?
When I wiped off my cheeks, I found out it was icky guano!!
Boohoo, sniffle, snuffle--am I never getting out of here?!?
Dang Chris says he'll be back in a week, will just drown myself in beer.
* paniki=bats
** for Sharon's Pet-sit Panics contest
Oft' I wonder what my cat Simba thinks behind that baleful stare.
Is he planning roguery or just building castles in the air?
Perhaps he's reviewing strategies for catching a bird to devour.
Here's what I sense goes on behind his condescending glower!
I 'puuur'ceive he's thinking, "Hey, remove yourself from my chair!
Who said you could sit there - that's my favorite lair!
Will you at least make room on your very ample lap,
So I can curl up and take my usual afternoon nap?"
Many times he glares at me and emits a plaintive 'meow'.
I'm sure he's thinking, "Hey, pal, ain't it time for chow?"
He stalks about the house as if it was his sole domain,
Thinking, "I guess I'll benevolently allow you to remain!"
With soulful eyes he invites me to scratch behind his ears.
If I try to comb his coat, "Oh no you don't!" and he disappears!
Sprawling upon the window sill he gazes across the street,
Eyeing the Persian cat, thinking, "Meeee-Wow! Her I'd like to meet!"
When he begins to purr and 'puuur'sistently rubs against my feet,
He's probably thinking, "Hey, old buddy, how about a treat?"
My cat thinks, "He's not a bad sort, him I can tolerate.
He provides my grub - furthermore, with him I can communicate!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 in Francine Roberts' "Pick A Pet" Contest - July 2011