Long Funny house Poems

My wife woke me up last night and said that she had been bitten all over by something,
She said she was certain it had not been me...
Alarmed! I rolled off the bed and landed on...

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A new life it seems 
Has come my way
In the mountains 
And plains of Wy-o-ming

I look out of my window
And Antelope play
Go out to the kids place
Where the buffalo stay

The rain has been plenty
And the...

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When Frankenstein got too lonely he made himself a friend,
He made him out of the spare parts that Igor would nightly send.

He built a pal who would be loyal and would stay right by his...

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I had bought it as a future investment
Just as I am getting ready to sell my house I have a Real Estate Agent
I begin to pack all my belongings to move in my new pad
The...

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DUSTY   COBWEB   BUILDERS


Who  ever  sees or even  knows  any  cobs?
The cobs who live in my house must be small 
Not  big or clumsy to live...

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A little grey mouse 
snuck into the house 
to get himself out of the cold. 

Then the house cat 
Who saw where he sat 
pursued him I am told. 

The lazy old dog 
who sleeps...

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Hello and welcome to “The Plains of the Serengeti Show”,
I’m your host Bwana Bob come on let’s get ready and go.
 
Right outside of this window, just a short half step away,
You can see all...

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I sent back the Bowflex I ordered back when it failed to come with the arrows.
Ever see "Smiling Bob " with the male "enhancement" adv?  What woman would 
make love to a cadavorous plastic...

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I ran a string of lights across my roof they twinkled very nicely,
So I wrapped some trees out in the back, six of them precisely.

I hung a snowflake made of light in each window of...

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Housework what a chore
I refuse to do it any more 
My poor hands have blisters 
And my hands are sore
Oh my what a bore.

The more you do
The more you find
It's such hard work
And I don't...

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I have an ant farm and the ant that lives there works very hard,
He makes sure that his house is always neat and so is his yard.

When I stop by to look in on him...

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How To Get Rich From Gambling

By Elton Camp

Probabilities is what gambling is all about
With enough trials, probability will work out
Though gambling will put most in the ditch,
There also is a way from it to get...

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Spring and the great reveal!

Winter is now in full retreat,
those darkest days of rain and sleet,
the clouds will part, as if cut by knife,
the sun warms the earth to beckon life

I throw back the curtains...

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Miss Prunella’s New Neighbors

By Elton Camp

The little house had been abandoned for a year
Its run-down condition made the neighbors fear
Unless a new occupant soon should come around
Miss Prunella’s property values would come down

She got hope...

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They Found Their Dream House

By Elton Camp

A large family home Joe and Sue required
With a quick sale as their lease had expired

A fixer-upper, they agreed, would have to do
So limited resources made the choices few

With...

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Laughing at the Fun House Mirror

By Elton Camp

Back in one’s carefree childhood day
Laughing at one’s ugly image was okay

Humped, twisted or your face contorted
Wasn’t true, but a mirror that was distorted

The visage that you saw...

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I cheated when I went to the electrician school.
I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool.
I always screw up every house that I wire.
When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!"

I...

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Poor Tim, the timorous, one cold dark day

set out to prove that TIMID he was not!

He ventured one whole night alone to stay

inside the empty house his friends had sought.

The house was old. . ....

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It's not impossible that my house stink.
At times there festers garbage in a sack
behind a closet door, and once the sink
got clogged with who-knows-what; sent water back
up filthy and all black; I dished it out
scoop...

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Harmless guest


Underneath Zoom chair
Some small creature fleeing in confusion

Ah ha, a brown lizard, harmless four-legged guest

Hiding and scared, aren’t you?
So am I
Please do not visit me in bed tonight

Mi-casa-su-casa
prey on insects and spiders all you...

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A House With a Fireplace

By Elton Camp

Sure, I have a fireplace in my den
But I’m not gonna drag wood in

From it comes some crawly bug
A fire won’t make the house snug

Up the chimney the heat...

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I bought a house that nobody else wanted.
I got it dirt cheap because it was haunted.
It was once owned by a murderess and nobody could trust her.
Things got so bad in that house that I...

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A House Too Clean

By Elton Camp

A dirty house Aunt Suzy couldn’t stand
She always had a cleaning rag in her hand

Her furniture was spotless and had a shine
Windows were washed and looked so fine

Kitchen you’d think...

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