Long Funny house Poems
Long Funny house Poems. Below are the most popular long Funny house by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funny house poems by poem length and keyword.
It's not impossible that my house stink.
At times there festers garbage in a sack
behind a closet door, and once the sink
got clogged with who-knows-what; sent water back
up filthy and all black; I dished it out
scoop by nasty scoop into a pan.
That damn disposal broke. There was no doubt
my kitchen reeked, so I turned on a fan
and dropped some baking soda in the drain
(I'd heard it stopped most odors), but the worst
came next: a stench which I could not explain.
I searched my rooms. Six days my house was cursed
until I found it dead and hidden well -
a mouse I bet inhaled the kitchen's smell!
(true story but a little exaggerated!)
For Susan Burch's
Offensive Odors or Noise Pollution Poetry Contest
I bought a house that nobody else wanted.
I got it dirt cheap because it was haunted.
It was once owned by a murderess and nobody could trust her.
Things got so bad in that house that I called the Ghostbusters.
But those four women came running out of that house as fast as they could.
I thought that hiring those women was a great idea but it didn't do any good.
Everybody who lived in that house ended up in a bad shape.
The last straw came when the ghost cornered me and I was raped.
I burned down that house for the insurance because things were so creepy and odd.
But the insurance company found out and now I've been sentenced to prison for fraud.
I cheated when I went to the electrician school.
I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool.
I always screw up every house that I wire.
When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!"
I connect 110 volt wires to 220 outlets and 220 to 110.
When people see my work, they never hire me again.
I was foolish when I decided to wire my house too.
As it burned, I realized that it was a stupid thing to do.
I've been sued two hundred and fifty times and soon it will be two hundred and fifty-one.
When I rewired a man's house who had no insurance, he shot me in the ass with a gun.
I have something to say and I'm sure that you'll agree.
If you want a house that you can keep, don't hire me.
(This is a fictional poem.)
Harmless guest
Underneath Zoom chair
Some small creature fleeing in confusion
Ah ha, a brown lizard, harmless four-legged guest
Hiding and scared, aren’t you?
So am I
Please do not visit me in bed tonight
Mi-casa-su-casa
prey on insects and spiders all you want
and Thank you
for house cleaning service
Mi-casa-su-casa
Enjoy this big playground
hanging out in small covered spaces
under any couches, chairs, desks, bookshelves, or tables in the house
Closets, vents, baseboards, cushions, and potted plants
unlimited places to hide
One early morning
A two-legged guest picks up his underpants
Surprise!
A four-legged guest skydive dropping onto the ground
fleeing in amusement
Well Mom and Dad were going off
They needed a vacation
Told us to behave ourselves
A new car for motivation.
As soon as they were gone
We decided to invite some pals
Invited Hank, Bob, Bill and Jones
Told them they could bring their gals.
The word got around of party time
They came in at night
We had the curtains down
Didn't want neighbors to get uptight
Hank brought Vodka, Jones brought weed
I said we got to keep things low
"Don't use that stuff, keep it outside
Don't want anyone to know."
Jones turned up the radio
I pleaded, "don't do that."
He started dancing with a banjo
Looked like a cool cat.
Bob had brought a pet raccoon
It pooped on the cashmere rug
I asked him to put it an empty room.
But Bob just gave a shrug.
Hank's girlfriend flirted with Bill
Hank didn't like that at all
Got on his Apple iPhone
Made a couple of calls.
His friends came in downstairs
Left the front door ajar
Hank pointed out Bill
Bill ran like a shooting star
Bill crashed into the beer kegs
The were stowed outside
Policeman read us all the regs
I realized we were fried.
Parents came back quick
The HOA would fine them soon
Both of them looked sick
Then they noticed the raccoon.
So you teens out there, learn from this
Don't party when they're away
You might lose a new car.
And be grounded till judgement day.
Poor Tim, the timorous, one cold dark day
set out to prove that TIMID he was not!
He ventured one whole night alone to stay
inside the empty house his friends had sought.
The house was old. . . unlocked, it beckoned Tim.
He neared its door; his trepidation grew.
His laughing friends grew silent watching him.
He deeply breathed, then vanished from their view.
Inside, Tim heard below the house a sound.
He could not be a coward! With a sigh,
he took the creaking stairway down and found
before his eyes, a scraggly toothless guy
who greeted, smilingly, the trembling lad:
“It ain’t the Ritz, but welcome to my pad!”
For the "Smile You're On Candid Camera Contest
of vienna bombardieri