Long Fat chance Poems
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a villanelle
Who has fallen in love with the couch?
Who remembers the days of sweet romance?
Maybe Miss Piggy and Oscar the Grouch.
Hub spends much time napping, as I can vouch,
more than with me. A date night? fat chance.
Who has fallen in love with the couch?
I think he loves me; if I ask, it’s ouch -
he cannot believe I’d ask in askance.
Yes, I’m Miss Piggy; he’s Oscar the Grouch.
I spend much time nagging him not to slouch.
In public, we smile, hold hands, and dance,
but he’s fallen in love with the couch.
There’s a secret valentine at our house
this February; I know in advance.
Gift for Miss Piggy "from" Oscar the Grouch.
A heart-shaped pillow, a kind of a pouch
to hold my dreams as he snores in a trance.
Now who has fallen in love with the couch?
Miss Piggy who loves her Oscar the Grouch.
written 5 February 2016
We're having friends for dinner on Saturday
Well we're not actually having them for dinner!
That statement implies that we're cannibalistic
And our list of friends would get thinner!
We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway
This play on words sure can confuse
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?
One moose, two meese, how do we choose?
Make amends always seems to be plural
Can't we make one amend I'd like to know!
One tooth, two teeth, why not one booth two beeth?
And why shouldn't you pick your seat at a show?
A slim chance and a fat chance mean the same
But a wise man and a wise guy are opposites
The weather is either hot as hell or cold as hell
I know it's confusing but don't take a fit!
This English language can be oh so confusing
It can drive you to distraction at times
But try to learn Chinese or Mandarin my friend
You'll realize the English language is divine!
©Jack Ellison 2012
From Washington D.C. is launched an attack
against a venal South America communist
While in Seattle, WA a North American communist
is sworn into office as the city’s mayor
I hear that Seattle residents voted in a middle-aged woman
whose parent still help her with her rent payments
And in NYC, a man with no record of achievement whatsoever
Zero Zohran – now Mayor of America’s largest city
What a hoot! But America can’t have it both ways.
If we are going communist, we’ll have to free Madura
FAT CHANCE OF THAT!
Over a period of six years, I have observed three cats not my own. Though I have owned a cat before, I'm not considered a 'pet person'.
Nor have I been a pet owner long enough to lay any claim to 'pet wisdom'. Allow me to share about two of them referred to as Cat One, and Cat Two.
One day I noticed that Cat One was starring up a tree in my front yard. I observed from my front window and discovered the target of his watch.
There was a squirrel way up high, far and away from the reach of Cat One. She made at least two attempts at climbing the tree but decided it was no use.
I'm sure she knew better, but it seems her hopes were that the squirrel would either come down or somehow slip and fall. I could have told her, "Fat chance
of that happening". I don't know how long the stand-off had been going on, but I observed the episode for about ten minutes. Finally, I sensed the cat
began to say, "I'm going home; I've had enough of this". When Cat One had crossed the street, the squirrel came from the tree and ran down my fence.
Cat Two wasted no time starring at squirrels in trees too quick for him. His preference was mice. As did Cat One, Cat Two belonged to someone because
they did not appear to be stray cats. However, I'm not sure Cat Two was properly loved and fed because it was certain that his 'mice catching abilities'
came with a price tag. I say that because on at least two occasions after he caught a mouse he would purposely deposit him right near my doorstep where
I was sure to see it. It might just be 'their way', but I felt that Cat Two was saying to me, "Okay, I have done my job; now it is time for you to do your job
and feed me". Although I was never interested in making him my own, I was always happy to feed him. I have always appreciated and respected cats and
other pets and these observations of Cat One and Cat Two gave me an even higher regard for these quiet and fuzzy friends known as cats.
08102018PoetrySoupContest, Cat Poems, Tania Kitchin, 4P
He hasn't said ten words to me -
for say, two hours and one long half.
I might as well be absentee
except for an off-handed laugh.
He takes football with white hot fun;
if we're behind, he catches fire!
The game is done, I think we won
and we are headed for the car.
So maybe now I'll have his voice?
Fat chance, it's only radio.
He's flipping channels, makes his choice
finding at last - the post-game show.
When in the drive the static stops,
the dog is howling at the door.
He lets her in, and rubs her chops
then play by play tells her the score.
I head for bed and say goodnight
but does he note my lonesome tone?
What’s that I hear? You guessed it right -
a message on the speaker phone.
We're having friends for dinner on Saturday
Well we're not actually having them for dinner!
That statement implies that we're cannibalistic
And our list of friends would get thinner!
We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway
This play on words sure can confuse
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?
One moose, two meese, how do we choose?
Make amends always seems to be plural
Can't we make one amend I'd like to know!
One tooth, two teeth, why not one booth two beeth?
And why shouldn't you pick your seat at a show?
A slim chance and a fat chance mean the same
But a wise man and a wise guy are opposites
The weather is either hot as hell or cold as hell
I know it's confusing but don't take a fit!
This English language can be oh so confusing
It can drive you to distraction at times
But try to learn Chinese or Mandarin my friend
You'll realize the English language is divine!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Often in our language, opposites mean just the same
To anyone trying to learn it, confusion’s the name of the game.
People fill a form in, when they’re filling it out
As Alfie was fond of saying, “What’s that all about?
Up and down are opposites, a fact you can’t deny.
Yet ‘slow up’ and ‘slow down’ are synonymous; I’ve never worked out why.
Set fire to a house and it burns up, while it’s burning down.
Having raised it to the rooftop, you can raze it to the ground.
Now slim means the opposite of fat, so I really wish I knew
How a slim chance means there’s not much and a fat chance means that too.
There are other contradictions that puzzle me as well.
How can we sometimes have noses that run, while having feet that smell?
And if writers write and actors act why is it do you suppose
That you never see a finger fing or see a grocer groce?
And don’t get me started on plurals. There I admit defeat.
If the plural of foot is feet, why aren’t two boots called ‘beet’?
The plural of mouse of course is mice and that of louse is lice.
So why are the houses we live in not referred to as ‘hice’?
I could go on forever but time is running out.
I’ll leave the last word to Alfie, “What’s it all about?
Filched Physiognomy - Mine!
Absolute zero escape
velocity guts dance
sing days (contra and square),
cuz metabolic full abundance
abdominal adipose tissue acceptance
not in accordance
with light as a feather
miss lost acquaintance
the boy within forced admittance
as sure man tanks of fat did advance
shotgun marriage demanded allegiance
to pledge lifetime alliance
no room for allowance
crushing lightness of being ambiance
nor allies to help me combat
battle fatigue require
ring superman endurance
to muster strength
to stand erect else ambulance
will whisk away husky
embarrassing appearance
loose fitting clothing
jelly roll appurtenance
overnight digital readout,
asper body mass index
scaled quick ascendance,
thus when showering,
I look askance
fearing bulging balloon
will necessitate assistance
else... diet of worms
as only assurance
safeguarding body electric
against hecklers at open casket
no matter, a small perchance
crowd in attendance
yea... eventual cremation
after life only fat chance
to alleviate present circumstance
heavy matter fails security clearance
the price for astute cognizance
weak willpower alighting countenance
esse pie ying sweet treats
now measures taken to counterbalance
to fight temptation and dalliance
overruling feasting craving delectation
to restore trim deliverance
love handles around equator
no magician can render disappearance
yes the discontinuance
of just dessert must maintain distance
without being weighed
down with disturbance
by heaviest haunch
ain't no elegance
lugging extra encumbrance
when throughout my early life,
skinny, yet able to steel glance
mirrored reflection now grievance,
where wistful memory
ha...ironic insouciance
more so than
today finds intolerance,
thus woebegone issuance
thorn in muss hide
to experience jubilance
hmm...maybe a strong
arm can lance
excess flab quite a nuisance
to defy gravity, why penance
sans unsightly paunch
yours truly laments skin
tight fit, thus petulance
lame excuse unwanted protuberance
necessitates dedicated pursuance
recollection of washboard
abdomen impossible, yes
nothing accomplished by remonstrance!
Let me get out of New York
Bags are packed
Deportation fact
It’s time to leave
People of New York, don’t be deceived
I stood for come and all
It now is no more
Leaving the New York City shore
Enough is enough for sure
Getting out while I can
If I was deported, I would probably be sent to France
Fat chance
Hudson River is my escape to my own new world
History was
The Statue that was of the people
Constitution said
Fulfilled for years
Bags, we got a journey
The statue will now be cut down to a skeleton
Quickly leaving town
People beware
Embrace one another with care
It’s freedom for me
I can’t wait and see
Run Ms. Liberty Run.
Friday the thirteenth, (September
tooth house hind nineteen)
dark shadows winessed scads of bats
(base sic cully lobbing soupy Matzo balls)
eyeing yours truly as seldom seen
human sacrificial cuisine,
which dime a dozen story true story
red within tabloid National Enquirer 'zine.
Minus blood sucking mammals more averse
than bill collectors or insurance companies
bared fangs greeted yours truly courtesy
of bloodthirsty nurse
triggering instantaneous qualm
ordinarily, I dune hot feel averse
nor nain availing one arm or the other,
wherein needle tip doth stick
prominent vein, yet an idling hearse
unwittingly induced heightened alarm,
on flip Wilson side... sense and sensibility
awoke regarding no impact upon purse
anyway death could never as worse
compared to hand to mouth
dirty deeds done... dirt poor curse.
A deep inhalation induced relaxed state
courtesy ujjayi breath
filled lungs to alleviate
(yea right slim/fat chance analogous
to one sniveling, mutering, groveling...
writer wannabe called upon to curate)
quirky rhyming scribblings
attempting to pass muster
easily, joyfully, worthily...
declared poet laureate
hence hastily erected castle
in the sky fate
meeting divine heavenly lorded
tailor tete a tete
gradually alleviated helter skelter
mental condition within pate
experienced sudden calm
displaced initial panic, thus great
ecstasy donned "FAKE" trumpeting guise
knowing within short shrift
death would assimilate
me, while providing fancy feast
where Desmodontinae
would undulate
this vampire weekend,
aware I prevaricate
and horrible anecdote purely
meant to demonstrate
how believability easily
wrought to fascinate
(ha) captive audience,
he/she exhibiting skeptical trait
might doubt claim (mine), who as inmate
within human zoo forced to risk death
defying daredevil metier height
figurative tightrope walker I gyrate
balanced on iambic foot in toto
all the while able to coordinate
vaguely flowing continuity
eventually metaphorical
erythrocytes coagulate.