Long Every fiber of my being Poems
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The greatest joy I have ever known is knowing you are calling on Monday at five thirty in
the morning before school.
"Hello, how are you?" and "I'll talk to you later."
Every word from hello to goodbye is cherished.
Your smile makes me warm inside, and how much you mean to me puts tears in my eyes.
I really think I love you. Actually, every fiber of my being is pretty sure I love you.
Warmth and acceptance and peace and deep contentment...
But there is a drawback.
I fear to loose you.
You are across the country, a thousand miles away, and I've let you down enough to
encourage you to focus on your college work, because that's important to you. and because
of that, it's important to me.
Except I can't encourage you to leave.
I can't encourage you to go.
Reader, my dear friend, as selfish as it is, I can't loose you.
I always thought that when you found the one you want to be with, the love would make
everything work.
I never expected it to hurt
Because as much as I love you, it would destroy me if you were lost. And I think about
loosing you a lot.
It's crippling, and horrid, and with something as unrealistic as daydreams, I know what it
feels like to burn. I can't imagine what it would do to me if it actually happened.
I am afraid to love you. I'm afraid to pick up the phone sometimes when you call, but not
for any amount of money in the world or any incentive would I ignore that phone.
The reason for that is that i love your laugh.
When I'm talking to you, you help clear my mind and I can think.
And the biggest reason, Reader, is because I am happy when I talk to you.
I love you. And you are precious beyond words and you are everything to me.
I have a love that hurts and it scares the crap out of me
And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
The only way I could say that my life is good is because of my love for Eloah.
I want to be full of faith as Deacon Stephen and stare up at heaven and gaze at the holy spirit of Jeshua and Eloah.
Hallelujah.
I would laugh and sing praises to Eloah with other spirit compeers.
We would be in divine solidarity as we jump, shout, and share happy tears.
I would look upon his superlative omnipotence and my every being will be drawn towards his holiness and everlasting light.
Amazed, I would be at the sight of tall beautiful translucent creatures that stood in grandeur beside him, valorous upright.
I want to go to that Great Somewhere, where there will be nothing common to my life.
Where there are no boundaries in being a spirit force, no misery and strife.
Eloah's eternity of mass creations of the universe goes far beyond our imagination.
Far beyond our limited cosmos interpretation.
I would visit Eloah perfect creation of the terrestrial ecosystem of the exoplanets.
I would stand on top of hills and mountains covered with layers and layers of coarse granites.
Yes, since the universe has no edge and no measurement of time, I would travel with the pride of honorable free spirit forces to the Pleiades.
Maybe as a spirit force, we could travel to the Goldilocks zone and swim in the crystal blue rivers and seas.
As a spirit force, I could change into many forms of being.
Free to be of a significant origin with a significant meaning.
Free to be able to obtain great wisdom that would allow me to make incommensurable achievements that would satiate my heart and soul.
Oh, what a magnitude of triumph it would be to transform into a different character whose meaning in life is of a different role.
With every prayer, I believe in the Great Somewhere.
With every fiber of my being, I believe that Eloah and his only begotten son Jeshua create and rule from there.
copyright September 2023.
Psalm 19:1
Acts 6:3-8
We have a choice to love or hate in this world we’re trying to create.
Today I direct my attention…to all those who have chosen hate:
I’m finding it very difficult these days when I see your prejudices…your wars
when I see the damage your hate can do…not to add my hate to yours.
Hate is an invasive weed whose growth is difficult to reverse.
and when I add my hate to yours…it will only makes things worse.
What makes this so difficult for me…when I see the heartache your hate produces
the pain and suffering too….
Is that I really want to hate you back…for the hateful things you do.
Even though I know hate breeds more hate as it contaminates and pollutes the air.
Which means instead of stopping or reducing hate…now there’s more hate everywhere
I am not afraid however…for no matter what hate you choose
whatever form of hate I’m seeing….
I will fight to make it stop with every fiber of my being.
When I fight to stop your hate…your wars…your prejudices
which always and in sorrow…
I’m not just fighting for myself today…but for too the children of tomorrow.
This is my daily dilemma in the world I’m trying to create…
to find away for love to lead me out of this horror…without giving you my hate.
I know there’s no easy solution…but at the end of every day
I pray that I have done my best…that I have found a way
to speak up…to confront hate…without my own hate coming through…
to face your hate with courage and love…
and not let my hate…turn me into you.
Dedicated to my Dad who lost his short battle w/ Colon Cancer on June 18,2013
I hate you Cancer
Your vile evil and cruel
You don't care who you hurt
I'll never forget that day
I'll always hate you for it
Your heartless Cancer
You took someone important from me
Someone important from others too
Took people who didn't belong to you
I hate you for it
You disgust me Cancer
You had no right to take him from me
He mattered more than my very own life
I hate you for taking my Daddy
I hate you for taking others too
I hate you with a passion Cancer
You took part of my heart with him
You took part of my soul that day too
I hate you for it
I hate you I hate you I hate you
I hate you with every fiber of my being
Go back to Hell where you belong
I hate you, others hate you
Your not welcome or wanted here Cancer
I hate you more than his doctor's
I hate you more than God
I hope I get to witness that day
Witness the day you fall
And you will fall Cancer
You're gonna lose the battle one day Cancer
I'm gonna laugh and dance around your grave
You'll finally get what you deserve
And you'll never be able to inflict your disease on another soul
Sabrina Niday Hansel
______________________________________________________________________
Placed 8th in Poet Destroyer A's 2013 "PINKTOBER" Contest
Please Support a Cure for Colon Cancer & every other type!
Questioning myself whether to let go and move on;
Trying not to believe our love is gone.
Days and weeks go by without an incoming call;
Not even a letter. Nothing at all.
Wondering why my life has come to this state;
celebrating birthdays and holidays without a mate.
Surely there are other fish in the sea;
But the only fish I desire is a Pisce.
I love deeply and with every fiber of my being;
Through the lies, broken promises, and adultery.
Having the nerve to ask me "how do I know that you've changed";
Now that's derange.
I have my faults as well;
My jealousy and abuse also helped our marriage to fail.
The difference is that I continued to love, forgive, and stay true;
As he continues to neglect his step children, who all love him too.
He has left us hanging on for so long;
That by the time he realizes it, we'll be all long gone.
Dear Life,
Please tell my mother that I'm sorry
that I can't shield her from this storm
Tell her I remember her gentle hands
soothing my fevered brow
Tell her that her strength was my anchor
when my own body betrayed me
Let her know that I wish I could erase
the fear in her eyes, replace it with the joy
she wore when we danced in the summer rain
I cannot bear to see her wither like autumn leaves
when she should be basking in her golden years
and I will not accept that she might leave
before she sees her great-grandchild's first smile
I will not be ready to let go of her hand
that has held mine through every trial
and "mom" might not be there to guide me anymore
Dear Life, please do not tell her that you last saw me
crumpled on the cold bathroom floor, my tears mingling with despair
but make sure to tell her that with every fiber of my being, I said for
you to tell her that I will fight alongside her, love's fierce warriors.
Love me,
I beg of you, please.
You may not understand, but I need you now,
And always, though I may never cross your mind somehow.
Love me, I promise to love you with every fiber of my being,
Love me, for I'm slowly dying, can't you see?
Or do I not matter, is it that you don't care?
My heart, in despair, cries out, yearning for your tender share.
Love me, I can't take it anymore, I'm falling apart,
Everything crumbles, my world in flames, breaking my heart.
I'm burning, are you burning too?
I'm suffering, yearning for you.
Love me, if you wish, I'll kneel down,
A faithful dog, like a child, I'll weep and frown.
Save me, for I don't want to die,
I'd die by your side, happily, just not to cry.
Am I hurting you? Or do you not love me?
You don't love me, my calls unanswered, let me be.
Leave once and for all, you've taken my soul,
A tormented soul, shattered and whole.
For to me, you were my world, my everything,
But to you, I was just a fleeting fling.
The worst part? You don't exist, and neither does love,
Confessions of a teenager, not what it seems, thereof.
This isn't real, just words on a page,
Written with blood, rebellion of a heart's fiery rage.
For I've never truly fallen in love,
All this agony, a creation from above.
Invented while contemplating what the future holds,
A tale of teenage turmoil, in ink and blood.
All of this time we've been apart, I've been so very thankful for all you gave to me
With your kind heart and generous soul, you shown me love and opened my eyes so I could
finally clearly see
It was something that before or after you I've never had the chance to live
You opened my heart and soul up to more than I could have ever wished for, more than I
could ever re-pay back or to you give
I loved you then and still love you now with all I am, every fiber of my being
Look at what being apart is doing all the precious time it's steeling so why from me do you
keep fleeing
All I do for you, while you're not looking, is keep on bleeding
Because I don't know how to let go when I know down deep it's you I'm so desperately
needing
You're not getting it yet, you're not clearly seeing
You will always and forever have my heart and soul until the end of time
Those moments and memories with you I keep in a safe place, no one can ever take them
from me for they are mine
I think of you often and when I do I try to smile
Even though all the while
I'm missing and wanting you so much with every single breath I take
I will keep on doing so no matter how much I must forever forsake
I've tried to be mad at you but I just can't, my heart and head are in the same place
My heart says hold on to what you feel with all you got, my head says stay true to him
because time sets it's own pace
Everything happens in it's own moments, it's own reasons, and it's own speed
Even though everyone does it really there's never any excuses in our lives to heed
How love is supposed to happen and the where or when and even the why or who is not
something we can measure
And with that being said love is as much pain as it is pleasure
Yet, it don't matter who you are, through it all it's still something to which we all must
endeavor
I, with our love, will find and come back to you again, no matter what you believe you will
never be too careful or clever
I hate you because I love you too much, a paradox that tears my being apart,
The river of my thoughts flows into an ocean of contradictions,
Waves of passion and fury crash against the shore of my fragile conscience,
And in the depths of my soul, a whirlwind of emotions makes its mad nest.
I hate you because every fiber of my being vibrates at your name,
Because your breath is the oxygen that feeds my thirsty lungs,
Because your heartbeat is the rhythm that orchestrates my existence,
And your absence is a cosmic void that threatens to engulf me in darkness.
I love you too much, and it burns me like an unquenched flame of passion,
Every moment away from you is an eternity of torment and mad longing,
Every memory with you is a canvas painted with blood and tears of yearning,
And every dream is a parallel world where we are always together.
My hatred is just a distorted echo of the love that slowly consumes me,
A fragile mask hiding the vulnerability of my torn heart,
A wall of mist against the overwhelming tide of feelings,
That threatens to drown me in the infinite abyss of love for you.
In the stream of my consciousness, you are the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end,
You are the divine nectar and the lethal poison, the ultimate ecstasy and the profound agony,
And I am just a wandering star in the unpredictable galaxy of destiny,
Oscillating forever between the love that lifts me and the hatred that plunges me into the void.
Should the quiet come -
I would embrace it
with every fiber of my being.
It is the deepest silent sigh
in relaxed breathing
and the very breath of existence.
Would that the quiet comes
when all need be laid to rest
in the hush of places in living.
It is the moment of solitary reality
wherein lies my secret peace,
heartfelt joy and warm love.
Could the subtle unseen wonders
boldly blush before the Sun
and become enraptured by the glow of light.
2-6-16
Turn off the tv, the radio, the phone and all electronics and listen to the quiet.
It is the long kept desire
to revel in and bask
in the beauty of being all we are.
Let the quiet come softly,
wrap around our souls
revealing all that there is to living