Long Estranged Poems
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In regard to human's such abject abyss and absurdity, we can't help questioning: can human still be indulgent in the virulent vainglory having shaped their pretentious and dangerous preconception of a human-centered and human-dominated cosmos? can human waywardly go on with their ecologic vandalism having already triggered the macrocosmic nature's wrath and punishment? In fact, all their perverted precepts and practices have spoilt or to a large extent countervailed the hard-earned results of their positive efforts. ( e.g. vaccine development, treatment of the infected)
As can be seen more often than not: Overloaded hospital wards and overwrought medical workers are outflanked by waves of overwhelming epidemic peaks, and the process of vaccination popularization outpaced by the viruses' variation and proliferation. Indeed, human's arrogance, ignorance and particularly conscience absence have estranged them from one informative sense: The best remedy is the due respect for the macrocosmic nature that nurtures the entire universe and the due reverence for her sovereign system that really dominates every being and everything living or working inside her domain; The best vaccine is the virtue of taking all harmless lives kindly and taking kindly to the nature's heartfelt call for every bio-community member's benign ecofriendly behavior.
Having ironed out the aforesaid reasoning and arguments and having made clear our firm attitude and stance, we hereby urge Spanish, Dutch butchers and especially the Dane banes:
Stop your criminal and cruel cull without delay, do not engage any more in any activity that may bring us extinction, mass toll and physical or psychological harm, let us resume enjoying our old habitat safe and calm.
We also want to extend our exhortation to all of the human being: Make a thorough stock-taking of the circumstances of correlated infection-prone species and overall epidemic aspect before renouncing your previous evil ways and recommitting to building a livable eco-environment and lovable bio-community. Only after the strict imposition of precautionary disciplines upon your daily behavior, would there be a promising future of fine faith and fair fortune for every existent being under the sun, of course including yourselves; In the bargain, would come genuinely effective epidemic-controlling & prevention mechanisms for yourselves.
I stay up all night thinking
About the entire day
How to make things different
To stop being afraid
I wish I could reach out and call
I know they really love me
They want to know about my life
But I don’t think they’ll see
My life is different from before
This I do agree
But who I am and was before
I’m closer now to free
There are things that I must change
To have peace and to be
All I’ve ever dreamed of
Living and feeling free
I’ve found my mate, my lover
My family, my best friend
He’s older and he’s different
On him, I do depend
Our love is real and true and kind
He needs me, I need him
My family doesn’t accept me now
They’ve judged him on a wim
How do I live my life
Without my mom and dad
I know they want the best for me
But what they do is bad
They always expect the worst of me
And show me no trust too
Despite the path I’ve laid till now
It doesn’t matter what I do
I’m proud of who I have become
A person honest and true
Why can’t they just be happy now
Sit back and watch how I grew
They created who I am in part
Their job is now to see
That I will choose my life and dreams
And who I want to be
I’m thankful and appreciate
All that they have done
And want them to believe in me
And trust my life’s begun.
I’m estranged now from my brother
His wife and his family
My best friend Kim is worried
Of the life that I lead
They think that I have chosen bad
And not fulfilled my dreams
Assuming this about my life
Without consulting me
I wrote these words to express
How I feel to them
I hope that they will listen
And that acceptance will begin
I want them to stop assuming
Always the negative and the worst
And believe I can be happy
Help me lift my bad luck curse
I know it may be hard
To accept Charlie
But they will have to try this now
As he is part of me
If only they would give themselves
The chance to know him well
A person with a soul they’d love
If they could only tell
I hope my parents find a way
To understand my life
If they can’t accept me now
Stab me with a knife
This is how important you are
My beloved family
So can we please start over now, fresh and anew
This will make me happy
And Charlie wants this too
I need you with me by my side
In my life I do.
I love you and I miss you much
I hope you feel this too.
Form:
Estranged to a lonely room
Littered with trash and splattered gloom
Fettered and sentenced to early doom
Distressed and distraught to a sordid mood
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
To make sure the windows latched
To make sure the door to match
Hope to God to soon to catch
Before settling to an unworldly nap
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Late night battered darkness broken
Metallic taste in my mouth beholden
Bathroom rush with my mouth open
Rinse the mouth and nose thus salted
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
I never see the imp come or go
Only disturbance in light or dark shadow
Low to the floor slither and flow
Dash under the bed, I don’t really know
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Maybe it is up on the ledge
Or under the bed or behind the case
Or cowering in a corner or place
Peeking out from a closet embrace
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
In my dreams I see a sordid face
Withered and shriveled and contorted with hate
Laronian imp with purpose of fate
In my mouth it squirts the paste
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Again I wake and bolt for the sink
From the corner of my eye I see the imp
He disappears in wink or a blink
Invisible to the man with a limp
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Pint sized demon un happily born
Raised to hurt and kill with poison
Never seen in a man with reason
Punished in a life of torture and scorn
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
In the darkness I see a leap
Up to the ledge an amazing feat
For a tiny thing at most two feet
Hiding until I fall asleep
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Needles inserted into my feet
Slow painful sore legs they do retreat
Hope to lord my soul to keep
Late at night in darkness deep
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
In the blackness I hear a click
Grab a sword and after it
Under the bed in a squealing fit
Damaged with a warbling tweet
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Should I slowly pass away
Hopefully my children remember me
Horrible taste with it at bay
Awakening to a brand new day
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
Should I survive to tell a story
Of terror, pain and faith and glory
Unbelievable unreasonable stodgy and gory
Peering in as I swoon with sedated foray
Creeps and crawls and stalks at night
(I'm
an
Indian
lassie,
was
born
in
West
Africa,
(Nigeria),
Grew
up
in
South
Africa
(Swaziland)
and
currently
live
in
East
Africa.
(Tanzania).
So
I
live
in
Daresalam,
near
the
Indian
Ocean.)
I
might
be
like
any
other
expatriate,
desirous
of
their
homeland
Upon
my
country's
soil
fervently
wishing
to
stand.
I
can't
help
feeling
profusely
foreigner
in
this
highly
foreign
land
I'd
give
anything
to
go
back,
say
even
be
a
mariner
for
there's
an
ocean
to
cross
before
familiar
sand.
An
ocean
with
dear
motherland's
name
greets
me
all
the
way
here
with
tantalizing
lure
Tiring
me
of
nostalgia's
seemingly
endless
game,
reminding
the
distance
between
the
shores
is
galore!
Everything
here
seems
just
too
alien
and
foreign
The
air
seems
foreign
punctuated
by
exotic
birds
In
this
land
I
still
feel
as
if
lost
in
some
warren
and
the
foreign
language
-
I'm
at
a
loss
for
words!
I
feel
estranged
and
disoriented,
struck
with
nostalgia
though
I
might
not
be
such
a
patriot
any
more
The
awaited
journey
to
India
from
Tanzania
to
reach
familiar
ground
of
lakhs
and
crore.
Ah,
the
welcoming
scenes
of
my
homeland
always
so
enticing
and
inviting
It
might
seem
surprising
that
for
me
she's
a
dreamland
but
a
desire
to
go
back,
since
ages
I've
been
fighting.
I'm
home-
sick,
waiting
so
long
to
be
back
home
There's
no
place
like
home-
sweet-
home
Here
I
feel
I've
lost
my
tracks
Like
a
homeless
wanderer
do
I
roam.
As
here
I
feel
no
less
like
a
Gulliver
on
his
travels
yet
to
rehabilitate
from
homesickness
might
take
a
lifetime
For now, I can merely
sing of motherland's
marvels
and wait soberly for fate
and destiny's chime.
But an underlying truth
here: I feel alienated
everywhere
as if I hailed from No-
man's-land
They think I neither
blend with the Indian
nor
the african
but hope they respect
my very individual brand.
A glimpse of heavenly bliss taken away |
My heart sinks as I can longer find |
For you, I willingly have trusted |
But you left, not even a glance back |
Didn't care to see the pain |
Didn't care to see the fragile heart |
To which a piece of it was broken |
Since the day you chose to be careless |
Sometimes I just want to give up |
It just hurts me for you no longer cherish |
Why can’t I have that same mentality? |
Yet, foolishly, here I am still holding on |
All I’m stuck with are distant memories |
Yet, the absolute and bitter part of it all |
Are the majestic memories you left with me |
Ones that are worth to hold onto for a lifetime |
But every time I think about it, I relive it |
Every time I relive it, I feel my heart bleed |
Something so beautiful just to be thrown away |
It been better, had it never happened |
But you're not here to treat my wound |
Oblivious to my agonizing pain |
Only because I chose to conceal the truth |
Masking it within to not complicate your life |
But one can’t help but ask |
How could you have not noticed? |
Would you intentionally left me in the dark? |
To become estranged from a bond we once built on? |
It is only then, I begin to put a wall |
A wall that will never be broken down |
To not only protect myself from others |
But to protect others from me |
No longer able to trust or depend |
Unwilling to give my love or affection |
Who really knows what lies behind that smile? |
Everything I once believed in, cease to exist |
Nothing but words of deception; acts that kill |
Countless encounters, but only a few |
To whom I gave my all; my inner self |
It’s not easy for me, for I don’t trust many |
But only because a promise was made |
That you were the real deal; the true friend |
One who could not be altered to turn the other way |
But you have abandoned me; left me but a few words |
Left me when I needed you the most |
Leaving me stranded in the midst of confusion |
Made me to believe that I was unworthy |
Undeserving of an explanation or goodbye |
Initially, you rescued me from my own darkness |
You helped me to see my possible future in bright colors… |
Now, the only inspiration I have that keeps me going |
Is hopelessly writing about my once past tragedy |
I'm sitting here, don't know what to do
Memory filled with all my time with you
Some are happy, some are sad
Some are hard and full of strife
I know I will not sleep tonight
Where it went wrong is the question
But since 2019 we've been in regression
You were my main source of advice
Do you remember when you called me just to say good night?
I moved away to start my life
You stood in the kitchen and said it wasn't right
But my life just had to begin
I was married, yet you thought I had sinned
I spent my younger days watching you
I watched the tears and turmoil you went through
I was a child your burden not mine to bear
But you and your friends knew how to overshare
You were not always bad to me,
But you always portrayed what you wanted the world to see
When darkness fell and the doors were shut
That was when the real monsters woke up
Always living in fear of his wrath,
To avoid him I used to have a 5 hour bath
Id hide upstairs and not make a sound
Oh how I hated when he was around
But you didn't see it, you acted blind
Even if he beat me you'd take his side
Lying to teachers about my black eyes
I would cry until my tears run dry
Then came along my little brother
And you became a different mother
You were someone who was kind with compassion
He was a dad and less of a dragon
But his hate towards me didn't subside
It just walked around in disguise
The fear for him slowly returned
You were never the least bit concerned
Over the years two more siblings came
I thought that this time he may change
And though I was now 21,
I still walked the house without any sound.
Fastfoward to now and oh how things changed
You and me are now estranged
I reached out and asked you to call
But your silence created a very cold wall
Not only did you stop speaking to me
The lies your telling have isolated me
Friends and family have believed all you've said
To them I may as well be dead
What power you holding I do not know
Despite not talking I'm still under your control
I look at pictures of those that I loved
Their strangers now and I feel so unloved
You and me will meet again
Your my mother until the end
And though you may have stopped loving me
Our showdown must happen for me to be free
Next day
A beautiful woman
Drove me to near Chicago
In a red mustang
Might have been
The girl in the song
Took it easy
Digging her vibe
She invited home
But was not sure
If her estranged husband
Would welcome me
So, I am being foolish
And inexperienced with women
Did not go to her place
And always regretted
That I had lost
My chance that day
Then on to Chicago
Several rides later
Visited friends
Hit the road again
A series of uneventful rides
With truckers
And others
And a week later
I ended in New York City
Slept along the way
In cars
In truck stops
In high way rest stops
Always moving
Always going
None stop talking
And lots of free weed
And beer
And conversation
One more memorable ride
Occurred outside Albany
On my return to Chicago
A middle age creepy looking man
Picked me up
In a brand-new Cadillac
He was he said a dynamite deliverer
For the Mafia
Went to various places
To blow up ****
He hated a lot of people
Particularly hippies from California
And Jewish people
Looking at me to confirm
That I was both
I told him that I lived in New York
And had never been to California
And although I might have looked Jewish
As I what was called back in the day
A “Jewfro”
I was not Jewish
Many years later I discovered
That I am indeed part Jewish
But then I did not know
And I felt a bit of strategic information
Might keep me alive
Then I realized that he was just jiving with me
And we relaxed
And he pulled out some weed
And beer
And we mellowed out
But I believe that he really was with the mob
Perhaps not a dynamite dealer
A real made Italian made mafia member
By Chicago
I had enough
I called my Dad
Told him what had happened
Wanted a ticket home
And he sent me a ticket
And 500 dollars
And I went home
I told him I would tell him
My tales some day
But never did
I learned so much
About my fellow Americans
And the strange vibe
That was 1975
And now it is too late
But I wanted to finally
Tell the world
Of my hitchhiking tales
In search of America 1975
end part two check out my poetry blog https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com for this and other poems
I remember it was a cold morning
There was down pour of rain the previous day
It was still drizzling a bit
It was an airy morning very quiet
Remember the smell of rain
Very fresh morning
For the first time in a long while
I remembered my wife Lucinda
We had been estranged
That morning all I thought of was the cross
The forgiveness of all my sins by Jesus
That day I made up my mind to forgive Lucinda
Forgiveness for adultery
It was the fourteenth day of February
What a coincidence with Valentine’s Day
I drove to Lucinda’s house
I could hear my heart beating
Out of anxiety of how she will receive me
Our separation was quite nasty
At her door I fidgeted with the bell
Lucinda was speechless when she saw me
We didn’t speak a word to one another
I hugged her in an embrace that was like eternity
We still didn’t speak but we knew what we were saying to one another
My heart reached out to her, like the father and his prodigal son
Lucinda was my high school sweet heart
When we got home
Lucinda’s heart and my heart had a dialogue
I had forgiven her totally
Forgiveness the gift of love
Love that covers multitude of sins, casting out every fear
I made dinner that night, dished it out and washed the dishes afterwards
We didn’t have much money but we celebrated love with what we love
Especially with the gift of ourselves
Lucinda knew I was a dry man
So she warmed the atmosphere with some scented candles
And Peabo Bryson music
There was no more quarrel but tranquillity
It was romance at its best
I gave Lucy a gift and her eyes lighted up with surprise
That night we privately exchanged our vows again
Hmmmmm it was a happy day, night, hour, second
Thank you Jesus
My home was restored again on Valentine’s Day
Lucinda broke the silence
When she looked at me and in a love coated voice
She said to me I love you my boo
My heart leaped, as I responded with tears in my eye and emotion laden voice: I know
Jehovah is indeed love
And he still performs miracles
It is good to let go of hurts and embrace reconciliation, I said in my thoughts
Thinking of all that had happened
Forgiveness begins with self and ends with the recipient of mercy
God still sings and still speaks even on valentines day
Lets listen and we will surely hear
In the chamber of silence where souls converge,
Masks lie in wait, the nocturnal guardians of our being.
Adorned with grimaces and velvet smiles,
They are armors against the unknown arrows of the estranged world.
Oh, how they descend like curtains over our fragility,
Sitting so carefully upon the shoulders of pleasure, the cloth of outward beauty.
We learn to parade with them, in a masquerade where every step is watched,
Where each breath, heavier than the last, is veiled by studied nonchalance.
Few are those who dare shine without the borrowed mask,
To stand bare, in the harsh light of day, unafraid of the whirl of rejection.
Even rarer is the creature that, in the human garden, stands unwavering in its truth,
Unfettered by earthly fears of 'seeming' and 'not being enough'.
The mask, once a shelter, becomes the dungeon of the spirit, still in the shadow.
A surrogate of identity, which over time melts into the skin of existence,
Making it hard to discern where the persona ends and the self begins.
You see it, hanging there, lightly, on the hook prepared by the world,
A means by which anonymity weaves its web around our essence.
It is a game of appearances, where we are all unknown thespians on a vast stage.
To traverse beyond the false face and to see the raw core of your proclaimed existence,
Is the art that binds us, without unraveling the ties that keep that sliver of secret,
A silent call to acknowledge the soul, even beneath the daily makeup.
It is not just denial, but the desire to feel understood, even behind the shadows.
Power, the world says, lies in hardening the heart, but how deceitful is this thought!
For true stature arises from embracing vulnerability, a force that lifts us from the ashes of prejudice.
You, be that gentle murmur of your truth in every counterfeit day,
Be that fragment of sync with oneself, amidst a choir of disparate voices.
Do not fear to dance, even when the dance embraces the void, authentic and raw.
In the world of men, to be seen as you are is a gift you offer,
A brave smile in the face of a world that demands you to be unyielding, impenetrable.
Love and be loved, as once said by a sage long asleep,
For in this recognition lies a whole universe of love, before it even begins to be infinite.
I stand, utterly hollow and alone.
Staring and wondering if he'll phone.
Why is it he has this hold over me?
Why can't he just leave me be?
One minute, I think I'm over him,
then all those thoughts and feelings begin.
The biggest part of me knows we can't be together,
but then I remember, we vowed it was to last forever.
I think of the name calling, and him being so vile.
Then here comes the happy memories followed by bile.
My throat burns, from the bile and from the pain.
A lump, stuck there as the tears fall like summer rain.
How does one get over the hurt and betrayal?
He's nothing at all like his first portrayal.
I thought he was loving, kind, and an honorable man.
Was his facade all part of some cruel, sinister plan?
How can you ever put your heart out there again?
I can not begin to tell you how heart wrenching its been.
I feel sorry for him, that he has to put me down.
Its the only way he can make himself feel renown.
I just wonder when the pain will start to subside.
I truly don't know how much longer I can stay on this ride.
One part of me still loves him, for I am still his wife.
The other part, can not keep putting myself through the strife.
A husband and wife are expected to go through dissension.
Love shouldn't have to be this hard though, its too much tension.
How do you say good-bye to a man you love and equally hate?
I never thought I would feel the love I have for him abate.
I fear a divorce is in order, as I do not feel he will ever change.
Its not like for the last two years we haven't been estranged.
I wish I could say that I want to wish him all the best.
But I don't since he's left this ragged, raw hole in my chest.
I know that's not the ladylike way to be.
However, you have no idea what he's done to me.
I once tried to see the best in people, and love fierce.
Well, with his coldness, my heart did he pierce.
I can only hope to one day, heal my broken heart.
He should be ashamed, for tearing my faith in love apart.
But I forgive him for all that he has ever done.
You see, it is I who will be the bigger and better one.
I only hope I can one day try my hand again at love.
And I hope its him that I will no longer be thinking of