Long Dental floss Poems
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I wouldn’t call what we do ‘blogging,’ would you?
I’m somewhat conversant with blogging and it would be like:
‘December 14th, I realized I was out of dental floss, so I called 112 (France’s 911) and they yelled at me.”
A poet might say:
The morning was pale and judgmental, the light didn’t illuminate, as much as accuse me of oversleeping. I’d just spit-out the last of my bubblegum toothpaste, when I tugged the dental floss only to be rewarded with a two-inch fragment.
The sink gurgled like a drowning swimmer as I rummaged through the medicine cabinet and then the linen closet - where we store spare soaps, shampoos, mouthwashes and the other detritus of modern hygiene -
but no floss.
I’d started the shower minutes ago, expecting a quick entry and now the bathroom had become sauna-like. French bathrooms have these box-like, ‘on demand’ water heaters, like 2 gallon coffee percolators, that dispense hot-as--holy-hell water, the mist of which, falling on the chilled, white, underfoot tiles, created a ceramic slippery-slide. I even searched Peter and my travel toiletry bags! Alas and again, no floss.
The ticking clock, that merciless, bureaucratic tool, mocked the undoing of my morning schedule.
In a moment of clarity, born of despair, I picked up my iPhone and demanded “Siri, call One-one-two!”
The French telephone system returns a higher-pitched, single-tone ring with longer pauses in between.
Three rings later I got an answer, “This is an emergency.” I announced (‘C'est une urgence’).
“What is the nature of your emergency,” a calm, dispassionate A.I.-voice asked.
“I’ve run out of floss.” I blurted.
There was a long pause where I could almost hear the A.I. dispatcher glitching.
“Mademoiselle,” it finally said, “calling 112 is not a joke.”
“Neither is plaque!” I replied - thinking of how proud my dental hygienist would be of me.
“Yet here we are,” I added, before the line went dead.
.
.
A song for this:
daweb.us/xmas/Christmas_21.mp3
My (Stupid) Resolutions For 2017
1. Lose 20 pounds and prepare to finance a whole new wardrobe.
When eating ask yourself, would a healthy person eat this and
what to heck is- Red Dye #2, and malotextrin disodoium anyways?
2. Quite drinking coffee and coke, okay just delete this one right now!
3. Make more money, as per, The Secret, just BELIEVE, believe, believe
and say "make more money" out loud 500+ TIMES per day. Right!
4. Get out of debt, okay just delete this one too!
5. Discover why I was born and what am I suppose to be doing??
(Didn't I try this last year?) Okay, just meditate each day and see
what happens.
6. Which brings me to - Don't do the same stupid things I did
last year. Oh, why not just print out last years resolutions and
save some time. Time is ticking, tocking away!
7. Carry dental floss everywhere. Simple. Make the dentist happy.
8. I resolve to come up with a stronger password than Kitty1
9. Stop making spelling errors and find the dictionary buried under books.
10. Again, I will pray daily for a fatter bank account and a thinner body
and pray that God does not get those two mixed up.
11. Stop making stupid lists and learn to COUNT.
12. ?
______________________________________
December 15, 2016
Poetry/Free Verse/Stupid New Year's Resolutions
Copyright Protected, ID 16-858-293-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
1. Lose 20 pounds and prepare to finance a whole new wardrobe.
When eating ask yourself, would a healthy person eat this and
what to heck is- Red Dye #2, and malotextrin disodoium anyways?
2. Quite drinking coffee and coke, okay just delete this one right now!
3. Make more money, as per, The Secret, just BELIEVE, believe, believe
and say "make more money" out loud 500+ TIMES per day. Right!
4. Get out of debt, okay just delete this one too!
5. Discover why I was born and what am I suppose to be doing??
(Didn't I try this last year?) Okay, just meditate each day and see
what happens.
6. Which brings me to - Don't do the same stupid things I did
last year. Oh, why not just print out last years resolutions and
save some time. Time is ticking, tocking away!
7. Carry dental floss everywhere. Simple. Make the dentist happy.
8. I resolve to come up with a stronger password than Kitty1
9. Stop making spelling errors and find the dictionary buried under books.
10. Again, I will pray daily for a fatter bank account and a thinner body
and pray that God does not get those two mixed up.
11. Stop making stupid lists and learn to COUNT.
12. ?
______________________________________
December 15, 2016
Poetry/Free Verse/MyStupid New Year's Resolutions
Copyright Protected, ID 16-858-293-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
let's start with a line and see where it leads
People like blood so I will make mine bleed
a zombie a chainsaw perhaps some bats
For good measure I'll throw in some black cats
I'm running out of ideas I think
Something is bad, it's a terrible stink
Have you heard the one, about the sparrow
He let loose excrement, on the Pharaoh
Oh what a horror, the bird felt so bad
The Pharoah in anger, yelled out egad
Archers at the ready, shot the bird down
Pharoah bit of wings, wore them on his gown
He fed the birdie to his own black cat
The cat so happy it meowed where it sat
Mummys and bats they make me want to scream
Most of the horrors come from my own dreams
Dancing disjointed, what do I have to loss
Bones I crunched, I removed with dental floss
Let's finish with a flurry, a mad dash
A horrible fungus, a scabby rash
Worst poem Contest
hull loo from the rip tide 'o this eastern sea board
of these united states - no always in a chord
with each other - sum give others hoard
unlike meself, an additional pray 2 zee lord
boot i - cap'n my captain crunchy kangaroo moored
by dental floss tend 2b agnostic n feel
charles darwin scored
with his theory of eve a lou shun -
ass i attest held captive by zoological ward.
this veritable unknown taboo screw sir o'er the net
offered his semi best
width cheers n hmm...tables for any guest
that might stop by at woods edge motley fool doth jest
and ideally nada bee a stinging pest.
spectacular quasi moat toe skinny dipping
like honey dripper preyed purview
while The Idler Wheel Is Wiser than the Driver of the Screw
manned by horton, whom hears a hoo
and Whipping Cords Will Serve You
More than Ropes Will Ever Do
respond if the spirit doth strike
or...tell me to take a hike
along the boulevard o broken dreams
down by the weathered nether land housed dick van dyke.
hens with roosting intuition, this stranger can c
your aura, dogma, karma, patina, persona, uvula
exudes the potential for glee
perhaps even for...me
ordained princess, quite rational, sensible, thoughtful,
unpretentious, vivacious, wise, witty, xyz...
Tiger in a Cage (a stab at men)
Like a caged tiger.
You do not know what is in my den?
There is no worse feeling than the way I pace back and forth repeatedly.
A headless collar is all you see.
The closer I get, the more you seem to pretend.
To you these stripes look more like dots.
As you, continue to hold my lines and strands in your hand.
You stroke my stripes as if they were a loft of dental floss.
An ORANGE all squishy and rot.
Rough and tough!
You cannot peel what you cannot feel.
You do not know me at all?
You trust me.
You lace me.
You cannot describe the buds.
You cannot feel my fingertips.
A taste of nothing out of your lips.
Indian BLACK streaks in my skin.
How did you manage to even get in?
We mount this unspeakable stability.
A man-eater swallowing her growl.
This hunger is piercing throughout my veins.
Hiding the powerful black star sapphire in my eyes.
Every move I plan ricochets.
A tiger, a tiger in her cage.
Only in your world, I am my own prey.
My wildness is rarely found above my skin.
Every day I wear this heavy coat, my stripes continue to sink in.
It is a solitary confinement when you are around.
You cannot see the black diamonds under this unbearable frown.
Dingy claws, tapping……
Natures dew bestows a toneless mixture of orange and black tattoo.
These stripes, belittle my self-esteem.
The moon flashes overlapped our taboo.
Never will you see a tigers gleam.
Spirituality waiting to rise above the trees.
It is my choice, to stand behind these unbreakable twigs.
Fertilizing like pollen under a blanket of bees.
Still the effects of your eclipse, bounce off my wall.
I am telling you!
You don't know me at all?
The roads these loads continue to grow.
Far ahead, I am the gravel under your toes.
Crouching like a Tiger hiding the way a dragon breathes.
You don't know how I feel!
I am a tiger in a cage please set me free!
by;pd
"Breed to Breathe" by Napalam Death
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKP9aaFkEEQ
Sometimes people ask me... What's in your purse...
So I tell them the best that I can...
Lipstick, chapstick, matchstick
What’s in your purse?
Billfold, change purse, money counter, and clip?
Aspirin, Tylenol, Tums, coupons and stamps…
Tissue, pressure bandage, Mom excuse tablet!
What’s in your purse?
House keys, car keys, skate keys and a toothbrush.
Toothpick, dental floss, yesterday’s movie ticket.
Magnifying glass, insect book, handy magic cards?
What’s in your purse?
Personal stuff, extra stuff, and just stuff.
Needed stuff, wanted stuff list…
And all the stuff I meant to take out.
What’s in your purse?
Crayons, a pen, a magic marker, and chalk.
Hodgepodge, glue stick, and tape…
A clown an elf and two small mice.
What’s in your purse?
Bird Seed, fish food, and a safety pin.
A feather from a goose, an empty candy wrapper.
A small notebook with and without lines.
What’s in your purse?
Gum, a straw and an eyedropper.
A paperclip that floats like a boat,
And a folding flying airplane.
What’s in your purse?
Flashlight, book light, nightlight.
NASA blanket and plastic rain suit.
Hairnet and socks that match.
What’s in your purse?
Paintbrush, hairbrush, dog brush.
Playdough, finger puppets and jelly packets.
A flashlight, a monocle, and a bingo dabber.
What’s in your purse?
A calendar, a phone, and things that I have to have.
Pictures of those I love.
And a little cross…
What’s in your purse?
Jesus!
I know my capabilities
But, you won't get it like that.
I know how I love
But, I can't love you like that.
You're just a dog
Trying to catch the cat.
I'll blow back your braids.
hand you your hat.
Beat you down with a bat.
F*** that!!
Knick, knack, patty wack.
Your loss,
Gotta pay the cost
to be the boss.
read between the lines,
dental floss.
You're tossed,
in the trash.
never needed your dusty ass.
Plus you wasn't dropping the cash
When the rents due.
Nigga f*** you.
F***ing up my face,
Scars on my heart.
Was blind from the start.
Walking around, head down.
Stuck in Demonic love
I was bound.
True Tee,
no, F****** around.
Hands hitting me.
shattering all personality.
My Reality.
Normally, never weak.
But, this nigga had a hold on me.
I had to let him go.
A CAPITAL, T.K.O.
Hell no.
You're no King.
"That's for sho"!
Tears singing.
"Soprano".
Should have left your ass.
A long time ago.
Washed up from the shore.
you, and those dirty whores.
Loving you is a battle.
"WAR"!!
Can't take it no more.
Got my finger on the Barrow.
Time to close the door.
Hurt me, to the core.
"That's not what I stand for".
Sent me through hell
and back again.
Hell and back again.
God, never left.
Always, my friend.
"While you're tryna pretend".
First aid kit,
ain't getting it.
Me and cowards don't mix.
Carryijg the shadow of a broken spirit.
My Father's, my witness.
You gone get the business.
What comes around, goes around.
"Quickness"!!
I'm just too damn good for this!!
On my bad side!!
" list".
Time for the album drop!!
Closed fist.
I don't need this !!
Called the quits...??