Long By gum Poems
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Shall I relay a sidesplitting hoot from my “care-free” on campus fun phase?
It entails a laboratory session involving three mystic world colossal oafs.
One had an unerring penchant for Laurel and Hardy mishaps, the other this beautiful dreamer whose attention span rambled for miles.
a meandering focal point tourist with no yen for one spot or one task.
As for me the fault-prone narrator I had comic book deficits too.
Pulitzer Prize petty fog pinpoint, fastidious fat head by gum!
At the hearth of this tale is a chemistry prep that was doomed from an innocent outset.
It was aptly enough “Anodyne,” this soon to be splitting head bushfire.
From uproarious weighing scale howlers, to starter material gaffes, to say nothing of sequential missteps, Mount Everest blunders galore.
Our ill-fitting glassware threw tantrums, miscellaneous beaker’s burst dams, reactants rose up, a calamitous farce, they shed buckets of organic stuff down the sink.
For all my precision I seemed a right goof with this risible maximum brownie point fetish.
My beautiful dreamer close comrade who by turns Walter Mitty pale stand-in now immune to chaotic abandon at large.
That accident-prone other pal
would be every insurer’s worst nightmare.
Nearby class mates could barely restrain widespread glee at us laughing stock hapless quaint bunch.
The poor teacher in charge had a seizure, quite gormless, green faced and gobsmacked.
“I wonder what next can go wrong.”
“Quite frankly I shudder to think as you merry buffoons soldier on.”
This thunderstruck teacher was known as the “doyen of do it right down to the dottiest detail.”
After a humorous pause his eyeballs rotate in jocular mode then made a ginormous grand gesture.
“Put this jinx ridden self-destruct day in some tuck away memory file.”
“Write a one page report, say the gremlins prevailed and I’ll give you an average mark.”
“For goodness sakes don’t blow this offer like you’ve nearly blown
up my whole group.”
On an ironic note “doyen do it right” gave a brief safety course start of term.
It seemingly fell on deaf ears.
I’ll be blowed as my parents once said when life took a damned awful turn.
We three “Einsteins” in technical garb almost were, blowed that is!
Posted ; 11th January 2022
On the ocean waves in a stormy sea
goblinskin sails fly o'er me.
To a far off lands wid bloody hands;
upon Savage’s shore did 'e land.
“Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!”
Threw a mad mans skull, 'e spot me prey;
and call me black 'earts into the fray.
Knee deep in mud and covered wid gore
I gouge out der gold teeth ta add to me store.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
At least its nae a part of me!
We loads de treasure, raise anchors of bone;
hoist high de midsail and fly fast home.
Wid a new gold tooth and diamonds rare;
an' Booberie feathers dance’n me hair.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
From de Slaugh bones jaw 'pon m' knee;
I carve a comb wid a tee hee hee.
Wid a skillful 'and an a bone white knife;
I finish a fob ta bring ta me wife.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
To Cursing's foul harbor threw sewage galore;
bundles of pelts stacked ta da fore,
down da plank, 'e walk wid swaggering stride;
viper oil coats the sword at me side.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
Threw thieves’ foul dens 'e carry me horde
unload at de tanner, strut ‘board.
“Cook ‘ere!” I holler “Bring me dat stew!”
Snowbeast meat pie and hearty brew.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
Ghoulskin sails unfurled, storm crestin' high
'e sail out ta plunder and land 'e spy.
“Ahoy! Me buckos! What’s ’pon dat shore?”
monsters dressed in bones, naught more.
“Sing Hey, Ho, I be wild and free…..
“By gum,” der dressed in de likes a me.”
Holiday’s Roadside Wreckage
by Odin Roark
To live as you’re not
To be who society massages you into being
To succumb to counterfeit identity
Is to skid into mere roadside wreckage.
We pass such rubble all the time
The defective and or mismatched parts of authenticity
Merging with Nature’s roadkill
Decorated by gum wrappers
Festooned by beer cans.
Sadly…
Few anticipate the accident,
The head-on collision with reality,
Where darkness and tears
Become the black ice of misfortune.
Still…
Some will slow down enough to see when they look,
Realize that reason and logic’s purpose
Is to reveal the highway shoulders and ditches’ necessity,
Irony’s off-road demise for make-believers
Careening unconscious down life’s highway.
Roadside wreckage…
Unrewarding scenery made repetitively prophetic
Until we take the time to recognize and live compatibly
With who we really are.
My mother-in-law had been in heaven for about a year,
When Annabelle came into our life, taking it over.
We had a dog before, Mr. Pete Dog Rover,
But he was not as assertive as she is, that was clear.
When my husband gets close to me Annabelle gets in between
If we do wrong, she gets pouty and gives us a look that is not so keen.
She gets bitterly angry if we act like we love each other.
Husband said, “By gum, I think she is a reincarnation of my mother! “
So we added Sue to Annabelle’s name, and now all have a clue.
Of who this haughty dog reminds us of, for they all knew Sue.
She gets her own way all of the time, for she is the queen.
I would tell you the rest of the stuff, but it might sound a tiny bit mean.
On a pirate ship in a stormy sea;
goblinskin sails fly o'er me.
To a far off lands wid bloody hands;
upon Savage’s shore did 'e land.
“Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!”
Threw a mad mans skull, 'e spot me prey;
and call me black 'earts into the fray.
Knee deep in mud and covered wid gore
I gouge out der gold teeth ta add to me store.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
At least its nae a part of me!
We loads de treasure, raise anchors of bone;
hoist high de midsail and fly fast home.
Wid a new gold tooth and diamonds rare;
an' Booberie feathers dance’n me hair.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
From de Slaugh bones jaw 'pon m' knee;
I carve a comb wid a tee hee hee.
Wid a skillful 'and an a bone white knife;
I finish a fob ta bring ta me wife.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
To Cursing's foul harbor threw sewage galore;
bundles of pelts stacked ta da fore,
down da plank, 'e walk wid swaggering stride;
viper oil coats the sword at me side.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
Threw thieves’ foul dens 'e carry me horde
unload at de tanner, strut ‘board.
“Cook ‘ere!” I holler “Bring me dat stew!”
Snowbeast meat pie and hearty brew.
Sing Hey, Ho, ’m wild and free;
at least its nae a part of me!
Ghoulskin sails unfurled, storm crestin' high
'e sail out ta plunder and land 'e spy.
“Ahoy! Me buckos! What’s ’pon dat shore?”
monsters dressed in bones, naught more.
“Sing Hey, Ho, I be wild and free…..
“By gum,” der dressed in de likes a me.”
Coal face
disgrace
Bad vibes
from tribes
Dark art
at heart
Big deal
surreal
Uptight
yeah right
Sky high
my eye
Who knew
boohoo
My god
that’s odd
not half
a laugh
High five
alive
Stock phrase
daft craze
Buzz word
absurd
Smart tek
brain wreck
Sour pus
missed bus
High horse
off-course
Slow coach
cockroach
Big cheese
feels squeeze
Sore thumb
by gum
Hells bells
death knells
Fast lane
Insane
Bored stiff
with gif
Calm down
you clown
Joe soap
might cope
John dough
skid row
Jackpot
great scott
Long run
such fun
Clean sweep
knee deep
Bon mot
for show
Quick quip
takes dip
False dawn
a yawn
Created and posted : 10th October 2022 for Brian Strand contest
Meet Tweedle Dum and Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they both lived in a tree
Way high up on the upper most branch
Not afraid of heights but why take a chance
I fail to see why they're living up there
They don't have a bed, they don't have a chair
Must be uncomfortable and hard on the bum
Hope they're not bothered by splinters, by gum
These guys are strange, they're nincompoops
They've never liked living in community groups
Independent old souls most all of their lives
Some call 'em snobby, these guys they deride
Society is made up of all different trolls
Some are hot headed with holes in their souls
Some are real happy, like those guys the best
Sure happy I got that stuff off of my chest
Meet Tweedle Dum and old Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they both lived in a tree
If you guys want my opinion and advice
Get the hell down here and I won't tell you twice
© Jack Ellison 2013
Meet Tweedle Dum and Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they lived in a tree
Way up high on the upper most branch
Not afraid of heights but why take a chance
I fail to see why they're living up there
They don't have a bed, they don't have a chair
Must be uncomfortable and hard on the bum
Hope they're not bothered by splinters, by gum
These guys are strange, they're nincompoops
They've never liked living in community groups
Independent old souls most all of their lives
Some call 'em snobby, these guys they deride
Society is made up of all different trolls
Some are hot headed with holes in their souls
Some are real happy, like those guys the best
Sure happy I got that stuff off of my chest
Meet Tweedle Dum and old Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they both lived in a tree
If you want my opinion and very sage advice
Get the hell down I won't tell you twice