Long Bereave Poems
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Too fast! It hurts!
It travels at lightspeed!
Ruins calm. More than I need!
Help me please!
This monster brings me to my knees!
Wild eyed. Animal's panic.
No reason. Life is just Titanic.
Too much to see, need, read.
Copious substance.
Im a glutton when I feed.
I would give anything to be basic!
I would give anything to erase it!
This twisted mind is my gift.
Still it warps my heart.
Tears it bit by bit.
I feel it as physical pain.
Shakey hand searching in vain.
Sanity sand in cerebral hourglass.
Answer me! How long will this last?!
Broken record of my life.
Deathmarch tune of it's fife.
Calls me from slumber often.
Hoping in time it will soften.
Harsh assault on my senses.
God hated me enough to give this sentence.
I'll see him someday.
I have a few things to say.
Why was this spell cast upon me!?
Too much for any brain to see!
My central motor runs too fast!
How long can the hardrive last?!
Sometimes I think of my creator.
A hand deserving a slap!
Made a creature crave love and calm.
You loaded him with a confusing psalm.
Pulled from the inside out.
To many directions to account.
Sleeplesly I suffer at night!
I weep!...enduring the blight.
Panic stricken I'm too full!
Why can't my life be more dull?!
Why can't the thoughts be culled?!
Everything is overly mulled!
I just want to rest and find respite.
I'm too tired to put up a fight.
Give me slumber, its not fair!
Show me, god, that you even care!
I feel wind scattered.
Its never really mattered.
I sullenly sit completely shattered.
This is my life's chatter.
Often this feeling makes me feel crazy!
Respect me the truth!
Why and for what did you design me!?
Answer me!
Where is the key!
You gave me this foreign map.
I can't read it!
My mind slips darkly,
And I dont even know how to bereave it.
So I stumble on.
Sanity taking hit after hit.
Either you're dead or you don't see.
Pretty lame product,
For such an exorbitant fee.
I guess it will run it's course.
My manic mind tortures
with extraordinary force.
You left me again, on my own!
...........Maybe you're not there.
............You never answer the phone!
Maybe, I speak to the air.
I guess we all live and die...
having existed...
.......quite alone.
-Angel Fatale-
Posed such, in its formidable array
would guess that all protection in refer
not deem my soul respectively, relay
but from some archway's character of serve!
That guard of my esteem, not turning gray
is from some inner peace, not just of nerve
the loyalty I've bridged by my own stay
now chances not its entry as conserve.
For naught the times, nor beckoning's concur
that shoulder decorated stood its ground,
some rite of passage, measures not impure
or guesses at my fancy, or my frowned!
How steady in some answer of reserve
would guarantee its effort, so unbound,
that resolution's comfort not deserve
or its entailment daily ne'er impound!
Is freedom such an answer, I not need
when life holds such encumbrance up her sleeve,
prescribe me not, in entities concede
but brave begot ~ a childhood of bereave!
The Sentry, grasp the plot ~ remit, receive
to bear it all, a blossom of Faith's core
that from behind, attacks are so conceive
the narrowing's remind, an open door!
The harrowing of purging not refined
a net of undeniable content,
the message straight from cowardly assign
and from its framework, instigates resent!
That Hell be guarded once, and so confined
the nature of the whore that so compels,
is tempting of man's nature, so inclined
and reconciles its effort, "all is well!"
And so it be, prerogative regress
is functioned only lightly to incline
to rob my thought, my enemies redress
and matter less, to only spend my time!
Forfeits agenda, reconciles, climbs
that merit of dissension leaves encore,
all but that host's dimension steeps unbind
revolving with ascension ~ perish more ~
And tumbles its direction ~ out of line!
To be continued ~ The Sentry Rhymes ~ Dangerous times.
Note ~ Guard duty is one of the most sensitive, and loyal of commitments.
Such as that of a noble entity, a queen, an endangered person, or even
a family, spouse, children. Today our protection needs to be more loving,
more personal & caring, not back turning, and avoiding. Our own National
Guard need to be here, at home, on board, with their reason intact, and not
forged from some idealistic, protectionist bourgeois ~ needing to be
everywhere else!
She held the case against the moon
in bubbled glasses sea green hewn
and whispered nothings to the fish
her sea fins swishing at her wish
"The case against the moon", she said,
"began the day that I was wed
and on that day the tide pulled back
to swirling waves to ships attack
It 'twas this day my love embarked
a voyage to sustain my heart
while I a lowly mermaid be
he came to set my spirit free...
His ship was bitten by the wind
a low and moaning hull of tin
His eyes of coal to be immersed
while I searched for my wedding purse
Pearls from oysters for my crown
and seaweed stitched a wedding gown
His laugh and all his love did die
and, on my fins, I know not why
And so bold moon, I challenge you
to bring the worst that you can do
and I will fight with all my will
until the tides return to still."
The passive moon, it heaved a sigh
and tides began to do or die
while waves in turmoil turned to swell
the fish turned too, and wished her well.
She threw her glasses to the sea
and dove to indigo caves once free
to tether nets of liquid ore
to quell the moon forever more
On flying fish she pulled her nets
beyond the sun's impartial sets
to catch the moon and hurl her down
a luminous splash, and then no sound
The earth went dark, the sea went cold
all mermaids there went grey and old
The sea floor shook at the moon's embrace
in a glowing ripple of pure disgrace
Still in the sky in purple wind
the mermaid whispered: "I have sinned"
She shed a thousand briny tears
and flew the skies with grief and fears
'till deciding at last what she should do
She set a course to save the moon.
She dove to the bottom of a sea of light
and what she saw was quite a sight
The broken pieces in scattered glow
This wasn't the moon she used to know
So gently, with fins and liquid lips
she balanced a shard on her mermaid hips
and flew to the ink, to the sky of sorrow
with a sadness of what would be brought the morrow
The sliver she placed in the sky that night
became the "new moon" to dimly light
the ocean each month to gently grieve
it's ships and it's mermaids to long bereave.
I don't belong or get along, my ways are different from the rest
as hard as I try it just does not fly, I can never pass that standardized test
I cannot figure on whom to pull the trigger, I simply had enough
when my blood boils to toleration zero, I can't help but fly off the cuff
Imagine here you are, and put into a situation
being told there is no need for contemplation
so just another robot you are expected to be
would you not do whatever you must to set yourself free
Living this life for so very long, waiting for a miracle to feel you belong
where is the chance to redeem yourself, this internal pain seems to prolong
calling to those claiming to be your friends, please come now to my aid
my dilemma is certainly an emotional one, you have nothing to be afraid
What can I say, it's a broken heart I have today
who not in my position, would they be able to relate
so I am left with only this one thought in mind
with no alternative, predisposed to accept my fate
I am trapped in my own reality, with this being at the core
and only recently have I been able, beginning to explore
and, yet, my senses tell me, what my heart already knows
it's a punishment from above, because of what I did not long before
You see my friend, it is true that in the end
we will all be shown what our lives were all for
having been brought to this world, was not for naught
all of our deeds, to be weighed with a heavenly score
Our lives have been recorded on video, where all that has been done does reside
and after our lives have been completed, with all this will our judgement decide
to be applauded and forever lauded, by what we have done while we were here
or to be decided differently, and forever this shame will we be forced to wear
It is not too late, I reiterate, while the breath of life is still yours
freedom of choice gives you that voice, avoid what the Almighty abhors
only days and years to us remain, to the moral and upright you should cleave
because Satan awaits to take what's his, why for an eternity should you bereave
Thou hast had to play the role of crazy, obeying thee, displaying my faults and
portraying the shame of me. Breathe, free, finally free. Fire! Adores you and
welcomes you to an empire of the new. I tossed the idea of inviting a few, opting
instead with pleasure for you and only you. Never will failure ever be considered,
pending impact impedes speech and renders me down to bereave. Grand! I have
been dying to see, love, yes love and its grandiose display, always will be my
reasoning. It reels me in and cleanses with nature, pure as pure is in creature. Am
I? yes I am, though not sinister. Unstoppable and driven by attraction to disaster
and admiration of whisper, this hush is listless, wrestle it, don’t miss this. Satisfy
desire lets make it glamorous in dedication. Fire! Re-lit! Savagely craving the
moment that we meet again. Imagine the breath and the chests, tension and lust
duelling with hatred and love. Trust is a laugh though laughter will bring it back,
time will help. My muse, do you not understand? I need the right to exploit my light
slight hand under right eye, you cannot subdivide the mind of a made up guy. Love
be my minds light, love blind my minds fight, right the pain and create love new, so
that tonight we may sing. Dying young is not a necessity of living forever but love
certainly is. We are majesty and perfection in love, it was majestic and perfected in
new. I do not want your hugs hello or your waves goodbye, rather please supply
onto I the dreams that I dream and the wishes that I provide. Real life not fictitious
false life liked delights. What will it be like when we meet again? Electric?
Dangerous? Casual? Loaded with hatred? Will we feel obligated to hug or smile?
Even if our stomachs and the others eyes tell us not to? Betrayal? Really? Dig!
Deeper! Dig! Deeper still! Find it, learn it, believe in it, trust it, crave it, welcome it
without denial.
The ammunition greased casings pepper skull and cross lovely bones,
lightening speedily deals mortal blow persons unaware,
the final minutes/seconds of lives leased
shorn of existence, and akin to sheared sheep, this case
targeted ambushed ewe mon souls permanently fleeced
instantaneously cut short sealed mortality fate upon Avast group ceased
to exist as happy go lucky men, women and/or children
from most fearsome beast.
Instantaneous re: within the blink and/or flickr survive
er eyed, and former gallivanting live
capitalone progressive pinterest ting human con hive
ving to collide with hulu hooping unwittingly accompanying jive
vin track hewed by quick draw mcgraw holster
sending dead riders to final resting place.
Ribald exhortations and allegiance gifted who usher bereave
ment, where demise of existence experiences a field day,
whence microbes gorge viz Philabundance, while next of kin grieve
incalculable loss forsaken, whence emptiness doles bleakness
upon grim outlook that doth leave tears, brought per spilt blood and sweat
tallying cost, no miracle whipped lifeless ones can survivors retrieve.
Mortal kombat rues unfathomable payless Priceline Bourse
induces adrenaline to course thru melee,
where iron maidens sprint non selfie ish
lee to safer outlook, where moments of pain force
besiege collective asylum seekers indulge gorse
faux Joyus fancyfeast er vanityfair, whence sorrow loosed like a wild horse
diehard fanatic (attired inconspicuously like
dishabille schlepper of an outlier) source
index finger clutch released high-powered voluminous ammunition
murderous mass homicidal rates get worse.
Netzero escape those unfairly killed ceaselessly year after year
undeclared warfare,
whereby killer coolly unleashes fusillade veer
ring out the barrel to tear
whole community fabric, blithely empty lethal munitions truckload to spare.
My God, why are you so quiet to your child?
You are noisy as trucks rumbling by remote
I see you in the terrors of the night glowing
I taste you in the night cloying in my throat
I feel you down to my restless legs waking
I know you as a child knows his father
Coddled children never learn to walk
You left me in the care of parents who leave
But, didn’t you abandon me just to gawk?
Still, you've never left me though I bereave
My immature mind reaches out to you
You are the quiet voice in my cries shaken
You remind me that to talk I must listen
You remind me to feel I must ache
To see I must know your pure omission
You show me the broken pieces rebuilding
In the dead of night, I feel your lovely floor
Can I embrace myself within your cold tomb?
Your son leaves the frame of a blackened door
Your silence rushes in noisy as a womb
You remind me you are light and darkness
You are my true parent asking me to rise
Again and again without a hand to hold
Without a guide, you show me who is wise
You ask me to be my parent as Jesus toiled
You promise me rest when night comes
When hands grow cold and there's nothing to do
You are a father that never grows old
Then a door opens for me to hobbled though
Will you greet me when senses are unconsoled?
Your quiet and darkness are a play of stillness
You are faith and doubt when senses are unsteady
Grant me your everlasting maturity in your plan
I promise to rise when I’m good and ready
I promise not to cry like a child, but a man
****
Isaiah 46:9-10
Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.
Yesterday she left , warm and sunny ,all pleasant and funny
Spend some time with me she said, for soon I will leave
I lingered many months, my season ends , I will come again so don’t bereave
Gone are the long summer evenings full of crickets ,cicadas and fireflies flickering light,
Blinking their secret codes, mysterious and magic , in plain sight
Marking time with the pale yellow moon passing thru starry fields of dark summer nights
Fall sweeps in, proclaiming loud and clear, the death of summer is now so near
The seeds run full nourishing the land , acorns dropping ,and everything ripens,
Soon the trees will change their skin and like magic a new life appears
From vibrant green to orange, red and yellow
Long slow and rolling , dark green and pale ,the waves tamed and mellow, carry their lament
Carrying a sharp edge the cold ,damp wind brings sudden intent
Grey banks of clouds, long and low stretch to the horizon with their rainy content
Soon Jackets and jeans ,sweatshirts and sleeves will take their rightful place ,
Layer upon layer will I make of bare legs and chests that were openly seen
The deserted beaches , falling skies, pale and pink, all proclaim the long rest is now at hand
Painted pumpkins all in a row dot the land with orange and black
Mister owl haunts the night in his favorite wood on wing and nightcap
While lingering over bare earth and frosted fields of yellow corn and golden ripe wheat
Couples and lonely people ,walking silently, hand in hand, hurry back to their retreat
And sailboats huddle close together on dry land almost within reach and wistfully watch the sea
And I will sit near a warm glowing fire, book in one hand, sipping hot cocoa or tea
Our enemies the Philistines
As we were taught in Sunday school
Are extras in the battle lines
To die, as we were born to rule
What lovely racists we’ve become
Programmed to hate our nation’s foes
Eurasians and Mohammedans
Can meet the fate our masters chose
The monstrous industry of war
Directs the western heads of state
To where the high explosives roar
To maim, bereave, decapitate
The talking heads can flap their jowls
And fill the hours on CNN
Exhort us all with dead-face scowls
On our crusade to Bethlehem
Strausse’s secret spreads in whispers
Humans never can be equal
No ceasefires but Zuklon crystals
Let our engines be our sequel
We are the essential nation
Pure supremacy’s our totem
Sweet self-righteous affectation
Foreheads like a camel’s scrotum
White is right and might and height
In Europe’s garden of the gods
At Ragnarok we seize our right
To harvest souls and cocoa pods
Aircraft carriers parading
Empire power to all our foes
Who as humans masquerading
Are consumed in Gaza’s woes
Queen Victoria’s amusement
Black Mass Joe the Totenkopf
Spin a mythical illusion
Of the ruled and rulers of
From their minuscule mind-bubble
Black and whitest certainty
Suck and crush us into Anglo
Saxon singularity
The man’s too big, the man’s too strong
Till time sweeps all his works away
And light exposes right as wrong
And all his monuments decay
The peoples dance, the peoples sing
Unbroken continuity
Of common joy and suffering
The language of eternity
In Youth-less Age
Though gentle, hopeful drifts we brood,
but age our wont be kind enough,
in threescores is when life imbued,
will partial be the earthly stuff;
but you'll still be my fancy then,
when Suns shall be the Shallowest,
and dry as those days --my fingers, pen!
Diluting the persistent best;
then shall I my own mind bereave,
when servile times would near a close,
but will your eyes, mine still deceive,
that greater truth than life propose.
The understanding of our earth,
up till we stay, --the way shall give,
entwine when with a lovers mirth,
we not our age but more shall live;
there I shall be a part of you,
though life may still not worthy be,
but time the hearts as one does sew
and breeds the soul's eternity.
Soon ladies fine with auburn head,
in youth's subservience shall grow,
with shadows white and lips blood red,
to whom the haste --the world will owe;
but, by the words that reason frowns,
and those that cost if cared for less;
within the gardens, across all towns,
just you my dame this heart possess,
as your my gardens cherished fruit,
could time nor age do you wrong,
your grace can shift a hand from mute,
such do my rhymes to you belong,
and the words, claims that come to me,
be their center, and my days renew,
until the time this soul is free,
and life us quells, an end pursue;
the end of the sojourn we made,
shall love then still be intense more,
when breaths and sight move to a fade,
like youth, your age --I shall adore.
R.N.Khan, © 2012