Long Barbecued Poems

My 1st round:

I know we just met and you seem like you're cool but there's a whole bunch of s**t that I don't know about you. Now I don't care about your race, what kind...

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The Avenue of Gastronomic Delight

Down the broad avenue called Gastronomic Delight
City life gathers when twilight awakens;

In eateries, drive-ins, greasy spoons and taverns – jumpin’ joints jumpin’
Like Snoopy with his dish doing the suppertime dance;

Lured by...

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please my 'self'
this is the only pen that you listen to
the only communication that you will answer to
to all questions that will be asked to
answer them all because you 'll visit no death
to all my...

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Summer’s winding down, it’s chillier with the new born morning dew.
So I ran out to finish painting my house, before caught in winter’s Noose.
Yeah! I DO procrastinate. It’s true! But there’s a Gall-Darn reason why!
His...

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Written: February 26, 2025, for Antony Biaanco Contest

                           ...

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No Toilet Paper

My mind is boggled. 
What is with the Coronavirus mania? 
Why is everyone going freaking nuts over this? 
From what this writer understands, 
It is much like the regular flu, 
Which is killing...

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OLD TESTAMENT

It was wisdom that I sought within those venerable old pages
Yet found tales of folly, arrogance and cruelty in profusion
Where were knowledge, truths, enlightenment, refined throughout the ages?
What direction to a righteous life, discernment,...

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     Planned a pretty picnic, yet didn’t predict 
     Pigs begged - please eat us
     Allocated table had laid out a feisty feast
...

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When a horrible commissioner
was suddenly fired,
team owners interviewed
Big Mo.
They told him,
You're hired.

Changes he made to the game
were made right away.
Protests which followed
were completely ignored.
And the first things 
removed were all
the scoreboards.

Big Mo outlawed
all sales of...

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What came first, the chicken or the egg?
 The answer is still relatively unknown.
 Which tastes better, the egg or the chicken?
 It depends on the person, so really, who knows?
 Little baby chickens taken...

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THE FOURTH OF JULY HAT

We used to celebrate July the Fourth when the kids were young—
Till they grew up and moved away and life became far-flung.

Yes, once we toasted freedom’s day and shot off big...

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“That was a close one,” he said to me as I walked into his room.
I looked around for whatever he might have thought was a close one.
“What dad? What was a close one?”
Nothing, no response....

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Hungry vultures; there were ten, just sitting in a tree
One fell out and bit the dust while my wife made my tea

Hungry vultures; there were nine, among the leaves so green
One chewed dirt as my...

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I rode a longhorn steer clear across Texas
this summer and no one noticed until
I rode into New Mexico."That is strange, senor"
A vaquero said standing beside the road.
"Don't people here ride cows?" I asked 
innocently but...

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Our airport is so small, that if you visit Kansas City
Many of the workers will get to know you personally
And greet you by name on every visit after this one.
They might even offer to take...

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( To be sang to the tune of  " Fernando " by the famous
   pop group ABBA )

When we met that night in Nando's
As we waited for a while standing in that...

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Soon,
The sacred black ashes and dark disfigured, but resilient bones of our enslaved, enraged and estranged ancestors, 
Will awake from their centuries of dazed, polluted and denigrated slumber, to reclaim, revamp their bastardized and emasculated...

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Okay I am going to write my twiddling poems while I am waiting on God
Is that a word? 
I don't care 
I am inventing new words if it doesn't fit me
Why does He make you...

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Mastications In One Movement


Lathering on the ranch dressing, 
mixed with honey mustard grunting;
these inhaling engorging souls are
finding the emotional precipice, 
high up and dangling,
hanging by french fried ropes, 
smothered in thousand island arrhythmias.
here come the...

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A seagull on the railing
And a pigeon on the ground
Were surveying their surroundings
And were pleased at what they found.

“I have the better life,” thought gull,
“For here, along the river,
I have a view and all the...

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Looking forward to tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner!
     Hosted by best chef in the world - my loveliest grandmother!
              ...

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My Chicken Adventure
                                ...

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she couldn’t get a tan that would make the grade round prom time &
so off to the cancer cocoons she went,
cooking herself crisp & 
as orange as barbecued chicken---
after the prom & all of the...

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It’s Twine Time!

(to Alvin Cash)

It’s twine time!
ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah! 
It’s time to twine, baby!
Time to forget about it all!
The latest lollipop disasters, 
The catastrophes dressed in nude attire,
The latest bristlecone attacks 
Manufactured...

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The doctor’s intake nurse smiled at me.   “What is your diet like?”
For a brief second I thought about lying. Yes, it is that bad.
But I tell the truth.  
“Here is my typical...

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