Big Mo

When a horrible commissioner was suddenly fired, team owners interviewed Big Mo. They told him, You're hired. Changes he made to the game were made right away. Protests which followed were completely ignored. And the first things removed were all the scoreboards. Big Mo outlawed all sales of meat. No burgers. No sushi. No hot dogs No barbecued beef. No sea food harvested from your favorite reef. Big Mo said The Game contained too much volatility, so he attempted to remove all signs of hostility. No hitting. No stealing. No batting. No warning track. No hits. No stolen bases. No bats. No bat rack. No sluggers. No errors. No outs. No shut-outs. No balls went foul. Everything was fair. The National Anthem had to go. no rocket's red glare. No bombs anywhere. Take Me Out to the Ballgame was banned because Big Mo said the song told people they didn't have to care. Besides, said Big Mo, why sing a song about wanting to go someplace when you're already there? Vendors sold tea and varieties of rice. Every player's goal? Sacrifice. Without all the violence perfection prevailed. Owners and athletes and coaches and fans were blissfully peaceful because now baseball was perfect— nobody failed. All stress was removed so there were no brawls on the field, no fights in the stands. No pressure to win. Nothing to lose. Players wore fuzzy slippers instead of spikes on their shoes. Kill the officials? There were no such plans. Long live the umpire! shouted the fans.