The backyard finally shines with green and blue
Julie stresses and storms through the shafting Saturday light
Ella cries over the tossing of her mother's old trophies
She wants them though they're not hers to have
I am standing amid a circuitry of thick taut ropes
With duck tape across my mouth
I am told this is not my drama
Though I must watch and keep above the waves
In silence, in shadows, and if I dare speak
a serpent's tongue will lash out at my good intentions
My rotten timing, my ghostly presence
How do you express the "there, there?"
In what fantasy world, can I send both mother and daughter to their rooms?
Until they learn to speak nicely to each other?
When do I get to shout some sweet nonsense?
After all, my hands are still free
The duck tape isn't permanent
I can shatter this quiet agreement
I can be the psychologist-lover-father-figure
Though I can also sit outside in the backyard
Where the colors shine blue and green for the first time in months
And wait for it all to pass over, to be better.
With what wiser minds do we treat such roller coasters?
I know that when you are young your supposed to want to cling to your parents
but when I was young all I wanted to do was be independent.
I didn't want to hold my mother's hands. I'd pull them away everytime she tried.
Whether is was to cross the street or simply be mother and daughter togther.
I didn't let her. Access was denied.
It's funny because now that I'm 21, All I want to do is reach out for my mother's
hands but I'm grown now.
So I don't get hugged anymore.
I don't get the offer to hold her hands anymore.
This time I would take it eagerly.
Because I now know life doesn't give many second chances.
My mother loves me of course. She shows it in other ways now.
I crave that physical touch more than anything else...
I get excited off of HUGS, AND Weak knees off of KISSES.
And SEX to me is two passionate souls diving into
each others bodies and colliding.