Sitting next to insanity,
Shivers run the length of my
spine
Nothing will be remembered...
And sound is forever strange.
Hyperactive disorder,
Just one more day might do
But still walking in place,
My eyes shine forever with fear
I lay my head down,
A stomach full of aching hurt
Rest here and try to think
The horrors of yesterday
return.
A darkest, deepest hole,
One which sits on my body
Is for one day filled up
With sacrifice for fleeting joy.
FLU - DAY 1
Just when it came to me I cannot say
nor did I think that something was amiss
as rising from a restless sleep one day
but won't admit it coming from a kiss;
I pulled my covers quick to hide my head
ignoring ev'ry call to rise and shine
light headed when I rise out of my bed
I stumble into life that I call mine;
and aching ev'rywhere an ache can be
I try to face the day as best I can
til all the grit I have gives out on me
and my defenses quick get overran.
and as the daylight ends, I hide away
between the covers where I want to stay.
My home isn’t like most,
There are no mirrors or black
On my floors or walls,
I know that people look at me and judge
But sometimes I'm not sure what it is all about.
I see my family and friends upset,
Every day a piece of me slips away.
Some days I get mad and go off.
I started hitting and kicking the other day
the shakes have stared to settle in and I'm unsteady on my feet.
My memory isn’t what it use to be
The pictures that cover the walls help me.
Never thought it would ever come down to wearing one of these.
Or being fed in bed, could this really be the end?
At least my journey was with the ones I loved while this disease decided to take me.
NO PROMISES NO LIES
Addicts run away from life each time they use.
They run further away from life only to wake up the next day feeling worse or the same.
You see all the addicts that I know are running away from something called pain.
Most of all themselves, they run from from something or to something.
Some place they will never find, it always seems to be one high or one day away.
Freedom is what they seek although when they use their drugs of choice, they
actually become enslaved.
Each day they become further away from reality and one step closer to going insane.
They don't miss it when they get clean.
Don't get me wrong they still have cravings but to stay clean they can not let the feelings of
loss or sickness get to far from their minds.
They have to keep one eye and ear open so that they don't relapse.
Easy no but worth every effort they put into it.
It's worth every bit of happiness they find.
No Promises No Lies...-An Addicts Friend-
Lines for a Female Psychiatrist
Perhaps when I’m better I’ll discover
you aren’t married, after all,
and I should be better by Spring.
On that day I’ll walk
down Michigan Avenue
and up again along the Lake,
my back to the wind, facing you,
my black raincoat buttoned to the neck,
my collar a castle wall
around my crew cut growing in.
Do you remember the first hour?
I sat there unshaven,
a Martian drummed from his planet,
ordered never to return.
With your legs crossed,
you smoked the longest cigarette
and blinked like a child when I said,
“I’m distracted by your knee.”
The first six months you smoked
four cigarettes a session
as I prayed out my litany of escapades,
each detail etched perfectly in place.
The day we finally changed chairs
and I became the patient
and you the doctor,
you knew that I didn’t know
where I had been,
where I was then,
and even though my hair
had begun to grow in
how far I'd have to go
before I could begin.
Donal Mahoney
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