Q: How does film actress Meryl get censored on Jimmy Kimmel?
A: With a Streep bleep.
Q: What are Russian citizens doing to show approval for President Vladimir?
A: They're rootin' for Putin.
Q: What flower is named for a missing legendary aviation pioneer?
A: The Amelia Camelia.
Q: What would the French knight do when he started flirting with Guinevere?
A: Lancelot would glance a lot.
Q: What do you call a ghoul on crutches?
A: A hobblin' goblin.
Q: What does comic actor Ricky have when he is ill?
A: Gervais malaise.
Q: What is a king who is also a lawyer?
A: A regal legal eagle.
Q: What issue does a psychiatrist and his obsessive patient work on?
A: Compulsion repulsion.
Q: What is an internet scammer's attempt to get account information?
A: A phishin' expedition.
Q: What is Lord Grantham considering for Downton Abbey?
A: Mansion expansion.
from the book WOW! TATTOO MY BUTT -
MORE MAD POEMS AND VERSE BY NICK
By Nick Armbrister
Zuni
I'm the defective detective.
I marvel at the whiteness of frozen snow.
Left right upper leg.
Do you like beer?
No I like Ricky Gervais.
I'm inside the tumble dryer spinning in space.
Just made a hillinit bloody hooooot.
Why do I let the last 5 years drag me down?
Chained to me,
self destroying me from within.
I'm the Phantom Ray bombing plane with no pilot.
She ticked the opt out box and became
a peace loving vegan vampire bi-sexual lesbian called Sultry Sheba.
Dave can roll joints with his toes and smoke them with his bell.
Curtain rail caterpillar coloured purple and beige.
Gibbering old people flying Messers over Russia.
Retirement?
Humbug flavoured gumdrops.
Silver beer cans tasting tinnily of champers.
Aldi luxury potatoes for tea.
Join me and talk gibberish.