Diagnoses Poems

For My Future Daughter

I wish for my daughter to become a savage.

A perfectly wild and untamed creature 
who spits fire from 
the deepest pit of her being. 
Who isn’t afraid to bare her teeth
and eat away at
men with tranquilizers 
and diagnoses of “hysteria.”
Who breaks the silence
of her quiet eyes
and tells the whole world what she sees.
because she is the one that terrifies them.
Whose claws are painted with
the dirt and mud of revolution
instead of sexy red.

Who remembers that
fighting a war 
for the entirety of life
is tiresome.
Who comes home to mom
every once in a while
for healing kisses 
and snuggles in bed (if she still fits).
Who lets the love 
mama pours
into her savage heart
carry her
farther than the reaches 
of the horizon
she is bound to greet.

Probably the Worst Mom Ever

I had not seen my former neighbor Mindy for a long time.
Out of politeness I asked about her son, who never had a chance.
She had him on anxiety meds at the age of three,
Always taking him from doctor to doctor, to prove something was wrong.
She complained constantly about how much work he was for her.
How much screaming he did, his diagnoses, and his medications.

I have not seen him for three years since I kicked him out, she told me.
He was getting scary. He is on fentanyl now.
On fentanyl at age twenty-two.
Sadly this drug is twenty to forty times more addictive than heroine.

Becoming his mother was her decision, but I never felt she took care of him.
She was always “thinking of herself” – how much his behaviors inconvenienced her.
How much work he was.
She is now talking about his labor, and how horrible it had been.
Mothers of six children rarely talk about labor;
but Mindy is dwelling on that now.
I am thankful she only had the one child.

My Family Is Mucked Up

My family is all mucked up she tells her date.
We have multiple diagnoses.
My dad is mentally deranged, a psychopath.
He has probably killed people.

My mom is a freak, she has early onset Alzheimer’s and depression.
My brother is a sociopath, and antisocial.
I am bipolar with dyslexia. 
I thought you would want to know before our third date.

We could still date, but you need to know that I am gay,
Her fast-thinking suiter fibbed.

'excellence' That's Mediocrity

We all pay for dumbing down
  educational standards all around
from thriving metropolis to sleepy small town

Incompetency reigns throughout customer service
  Doctors' inaccurate diagnoses make patients nervous
Corporation mission statements, worthless lip service

It starts in the classroom, where teachers won't demand
  if you want to say something, first raise your hand
Then later on, when rampant cheating's ignored
  which leads to society's ox getting gored

So, let's stand up to teacher union's bureaucracy
  Their idea of excellence - in truth, mediocrity
Insist on high standards, from grade one through university
  and say No! to preference based on 'diversity'

Anxiety

For my free thought anxiety,
I do like reading Web MD,
For medical catastrophes, 
But what to do, in reality,
Send them off to a good G.P.,
For accurate diagnoses,
Then stop reading Web MD!

Maladies

I don't even think about my Arthritis,
Since it was eclipsed by the pain of Bursitis;
And even that barely rates a mention,
Since my neuralgia over rides it's retention.

My fallen arches I barely notice,
Since the varicose veins in my legs diagnoses,
The reason I reach for a sleeping pill,
When I get off my feet and my legs won't be still.

Whenever I find a new pain it's a blessing,
Takes my mind off the other things I've been addressing.
Seems the stiffness and pains of old age are upon me.
I'm just not the spritely young thing that I used to be.

Everyone Diagnoses Children

Obviously it is apparent he said.
Vitally clear.
Plain to see.
What is? I asked him.
That child is emotionally disturbed, he announced.

I was shocked, walking away quickly.
I am not qualified to diagnose
And yet he is?
And with confidence.

Who? You ask.
Bag boy at the grocery store.
Sixteen knows everything though.
I had almost forgotten that.
I smiled, remembering, turned and waved.
But he was in the throes of diagnosing another child.

Brown Dog

He’s a brown dog conditioned
in chains.
He lives with a castrated desire. 

His urges are groomed. To be
gentle, he
must be docile. His fangs sink

into the flesh in a red China 
plate. He
sucks on a daydream. Fetters

are unfastened in the dark.
Yet he 
can’t chase that street . 

There’s an ID tag attached to 
his neck.
Sincerity is a strain. Even a 

Norway rat scratches his sleep. 
He can 
lunge, snarl, yap, and is proud

of his vigour. But all are transient
illusions. His
hind legs swell horribly. A vet 

diagnoses an incurable fate.
Heart-worms of 
despair spread in rapidly.

Master shuts gate on his face,
not paying
any gratuity. Wisdom eyes 

open in his sultry brain. 
Whining is 
in vain before iron bars. 

He deciphers nonsensical 
side of  
barking. Dropping past litter  

in the doghouse,  he limps
away through 
experience like an ascetic. 

First printed in The Literary Hatchet

Emergency

The meaning of “emergency”
Should not require discussion.
Ignoring one, you’d think, would have
An instant repercussion.

Today, though, some “emergencies”
Are not what we once thought.
A hospital ER is filled
With those where scrips are sought…

Or diagnoses which, before,
The office of a doc
Would be the place where patients
With a flu would likely flock.

The government “emergency”
Appears to me the same,
A non-dire situation
Called such merely to inflame.

A punishment is possible
For dialing 9-1-1
Reporting an “emergency”
When clearly, there is none.

The time has come for pols to act
With conscience as their guide,
Before a true emergency
The people will provide.

Yopd

Y. O. P. D. 

No one ever expects to hear the words
*you have an incurable disease …
It's not going to kill you in the next few years 
But life as you know it will never be the same *

YOPD
Sounds like ìt could actually be quite fun 
But sadly Young Onset Parkinsons Disease 
Is not quite the party one might think it would be.

What is the cause?
No one seems to know
Apparently it’s not something you did or didn't do ..
The good Lord however decided that this is for you

Will this define me?
Hell no...not a chance!!!

It won't be Parkinsons Disease who has me
It will be me who has Parkinsons Disease

Nurse Acrostic

N	Naturally caring.
U	Understanding and Kind.
R	Realistically diagnoses
S	Sees things others miss
E	Enthusiastic about helping people

Through Sickness And

So many ups and downs
Smiles turned frowns
I have so much to say
Then silence surrounds

My wheels are in motion
Spinning too quick
I can't keep going
I take a hard hit

All the while
Your pace is steady
You give me a smile
As if, to see if I'm ready

Where have you been
Where the Hell did you go
This pain that I'm in
Does it not even show

Do you think I am pleading
That I cause my own bleeding
That I chose this life  
Or way of thinking

Despite the rest, my heart's still beating
No bumps or bruises that you're seeing
Does this explain your lack of grieving
Is my diagnoses just too deceiving 

 
Whatever the case may be
Despite what you think you see
You made a promise
Before God, to me

To escort me through the worst of times
To continue loving, with a heart that's blind
To always look back, never leave me behind

But I'm alone in the dark
Time is no more
I no longer take part
In searching the shore

I have crabs for days
An abundance of shells
But the calm of your face
Is a forgotten smell

Belly Boobs

I have new boobs, AKA ' belly boobs 'if you will
Diseased ones whacked off, belly fat fill the void
Would really rather have had hemorrhoids
But that wasn't my reality, no triviality
for sure
Got a great deal though
Two for one, cancer gone and tummy tuck
Found the best plastic surgeon by luck 
actually he found me
Post op, proud surgeon praised his work
They look amazing, I did a great job
You could wear a bikini with that tummy so tiny
Ahh---no
You would think if you had a belly ache it would be in your boobs
but it's not
You could get stabbed with a pencil or get drawn on with stencils
But at least something is there to give some shape
An absolute TEN I would rate
They're kinda lumpy and bumpy
but help me not look too frumpy or dumpy
in my clothes
No more ultrasounds or thoughts abound
of careless cells placing one in peril 
Or biopsies or missed diagnoses
Leading to destruction then autopsy
Disease free--YIPPEE !!

Insane

There is an electricity in the air tonight
Storm clouds hover above
A wicked calmness lurks around
Something evil from the spawn of hell to come

The quietness is crazy
Like nothing ever heard
It deafens your eardrums
Without making one sound

The hair on your arms
And the back of your neck
Stands up straight from
Something cold and unseen

Pins and needles
Scratches and bites
Take over your flesh
You can't see why there's no light

Anticipation it rises 
Much to your surprise
You just want to leave this place
You just want to run

Your body it's frozen
You can't move an inch
Your heart you can hear it
BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT

Now comes the sweating
Your muscles they shake
Trembling uncontrollably
You feel you could faint

Your vision it's tunneling
You start to see little stars
Suddenly it's lights out
You've just hit the floor

You wake up in a strange place
All strapped to the bed
The doctors they come in
They've brought you your meds

Insane is the diagnoses
They say you need rest
But sleeping is when your most valnerable
To your demons within

Ballad of Web Md

Here is the ballad of Web MD,
Self-diagnosing terminal maladies,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

Let's do our own diagnosis,
Teach yourself self-hypnosis,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

Let's sing our ballad of Web MD,
Sure we've got terminal maladies,
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond.

That was the ballad of Web MD,
What are today's self-diagnoses?
My fatal afflictions linger on,
I'm buying more medical texts from Fishpond!

• Short Diagnoses Poems
• Famous Diagnoses Poems
• Best Diagnoses Poems
• Read Diagnoses Poems
• Long Diagnoses Poems
• Diagnoses Quotes