Are cucumbers cool
As a general rule?
How fresh is a daisy?
Are loons always crazy?
How snug is a bug
When he’s not in a rug?
How gentle are lambs
If not happy as clams?
How clever’s a fox
That’s as dumb as an ox?
How fit is a fiddle
Not clean as a whistle?
Are doornails most dead,
Or are dodos instead?
Is it drier than toast
To say “deaf as a post”?
Such puzzles befuddle and much mystify
Till suddenly you see they’re as easy as pie!
What does “FOFF” mean, a hyphen's missing I'd say
How's about youse, d'ya think I'm leading you astray?
Who me “Mr. Clean As A Whistle”
With this sad grounded missile
Means, “Flocks Of Flying Fish”, bet that made your day!
BLACKBOARD BLUES 2
When I woke up this morning I sure had the blues
And the blacks and the Reds and greens whence to choose
In the days long gone by when the boards were all black
And teachers weren't wary but on the attack
Then the chalk was as white as the snow filled the skies
You could tell a school man by the dust on his flies
Ah! But now boards are white and we've ink on our hands
And the odour of liquor inculpates and brands
Just use markers that clean and be sure they don’t stay
Permanent so they fix your mistakes there for aye
You should also remember these pens may have dates
They could leave you with writing that etiolates
With a good piece of chalk you would know where you stood
Be it long short or tall it could make its mark good
And then if your mind blanked, went as clean as a whistle
You could turn round take aim, and launch it as a missile
BLACKBOARD BLUES
I woke up this morning and I had the blues
And the blacks and the Reds and greens whence to choose
In days gone by when boards were black
And teachers weren't wary but on the attack
Chalk was as white as snow filled skies
You could tell a school master by the dust on his flies
But now boards are white and we've ink on our fingers
And the odour of liquor that inculpates and lingers
Use markers that erase and be sure they're never
Permanent and fix your mistakes there forever
You should also remember these pens may be dated
And leave you with writing that's etiolated
With a piece of chalk you would know where you stood
Be it long short or tall it could make its mark good
Then if your mind blanked, went as clean as a whistle
You could turn round, take aim, and launch it as a missile
Her teeth are like stars
They always come out at night
A striking appearance change
Removed to afford
Comfort and a restful sleep
Clean as a whistle next day
This one will be an un-bawdy limerick
Once was sewing and my finger got pricked
That innocent word pricked
Is quite un-bawdy, I tricked
It's clean as a whistle and twice as damn slick
I was taking a bath the other day
when in walked my neighbor and said "Let's play,"
she filled the tub with bubbles,
I forgot all my troubles...
her rubber duckie I couldn't turn away!
Now that I'm in my 50's and over the hill,
I'm getting more and more medical mail,
lots of it pertaining to a certain ailment,
this one being in the can't poop department,
claiming that some people have it stuck in their colon walls,
and that they are walking around like a ticking time bomb,
well I for one don't want to be around when that person explodes!
Also saying that these fecal reservoirs are going to kill you,
I just look at the colon pictures and sort of bristle,
thinking why are they sending me pictures of colon crap,
why I'm a vegetarian and clean as a whistle,
I start the day eating cereal called Fiber-one,
then for lunch have a hugh salad with lots of onion,
for supper its fiber rich 15 bean soup,
and when I go on trips bring my fiber pills along,
thats why every chance I get I stop at a restroom,
so doc if you schedule me for a colonoscopy,
you can see for yourself that
I might well live to be way over the hill,
unless of course I o.d. on my fiber rich pills!
This one will be an un-bawdy limerick
Once was sewing and my finger got pricked
That innocent word pricked
Is quite un-bawdy, I tricked
It's clean as a whistle and twice as damn slick
I put away yesterday, and packed it away,
I said good bye to live for today,
But today i had to clean, and i found you again,
pestering my heart even though your no longer my friend,
you never liked my words, even though they stood true,
you hid away all that you knew,
you stood clean as a whistle and covered up the grime,
it was none of my business so i left it to time,
i kept a place in my heart, as i do many others,
and i wait on the prompt until it all comes together,
we are in the same book, but on different pages,
God moves our hearts in many stages,
and that momentary lapse is only a space,
the heart creates because it needs a break,
To Breathe......
Ok stop nagging and I will tell you
What you about to here is all true
A cleaner was to clean a twenty story hotel
He was to clean the lifts which had a faint smell
So off he went up the stairs to the top
And for four days he cleaned and didn’t stop
The manager was worried and went to look for him
And found the cleaner arriving on floor thirteen
( Ok there isn’t a floor thirteen because its considered bad luck)
The manager complained “What’s taking you so long?”
“This job should have been only an hour hurry along”
The cleaner eyes open wide he look rather sick
He begged the manager “In one hour please show me this trick”
“For I counted forty lifts, two on each floor”
“Sometimes some of them aren’t there, that what I saw”
Well the manager understood that he thought each floor had lifts
Now that cleaner stacks shelves at Woolworths
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