Checkbook Poems | Examples

my purse

three inhalers
two bottles with one pill each
six receipts from dollar stores
one bedraggled checkbook
straw wrapper
three pairs of glasses, all smudged
I-phone
sunglasses missing one lens
twenty-three pennies
two nickels
twenty-seven dollars in a small coin purse
Kleenex
three credit cards
Medicare card
reminder to pay a bill from three months ago
I get rid of the pennies
hoping my purse will be lighter

American Idioms

“A No Brainer”
If balancing a checkbook is a no brainer, why can’t I do it

“Hit below the belt”
As a guy I don’t even want to go there

“I’m all ears”
No wonder I can’t smell or see

“Play it by ear”
No wonder I cant play banjo, I’ve been using my fingers

“Think outside the box”
I tried that once and they closed the lid on me

“Plenty of fish in the sea”
If so, why can’t I catch any?

“Put lipstick on a pig”
Do pigs even have lips?

Charity

Calendars and note cards,
Labels by the score,
Memo pads and bookmarks,
Wrapping paper, sometimes more.

Every single charity
Reaches out to see
If any of their offers
Unlocks generosity.

For some I get the checkbook
(Yes, old-fashioned, but it works)
And send in a donation
To offset those little perks.

But after I am dead and gone,
My family, bereft,
Will be shocked at just how many
Address labels I have left.

Another Title That Requires a Semicolon

"some words; guitar tunes, and a Korg keyboard"


presently
i'm busy

juggling 
one or two

things
while

trying to
keep a

balanced
checkbook

Don'T Miss Out

This Halloween I'll hand out no candy
Just yachts, fast cars, and Napoleon Brandy
Yes, I'll be spreading my wealth
My friends, here's to your health!
There's fine wine ready and my checkbook handy

Written 10/11/22

Dotcom a Clever Dog

Dotcom was not in the mood for company to come in
He was trying to balance the books with paper and pen
Here is a pencil his owner said; her name was Sue.
She could not balance her checkbook at forty-two.

Dotcom was not amused, he wanted to eat his kibble.
He thought he had the mistake figured, but it was not a nibble.
He was tired of doing all of this work in this ridiculous house.
Are you kidding? Said the cat. I have to collect every danged mouse.

He and the cat commiserated a bit, both feeling put out.
He finally found the error and gave a bark and a shout!
The cat dropped the danged mouse and began to pout.
It is a zoo in this household, in case you have any doubt.

In the Red - Bawdy

To the young lady I shagged on the bed
Sorry my bank account was so in the red
My checkbook had bounced
When on you I pounced
Dearie, better to be in the red than dead. 

Written April 21, 2022

On Wearing a Murse - a Repost

I see the wary, self-satisfied leer as you approach
     because I carry on my right shoulder
     the expensive leather bag my wife gave me
     for Christmas three years ago
     when the doctor said “Don’t put stuff
     in your hip pockets!”
Stuff, it seems, forces one’s spine to shift
     In ways spines are not supposed to shift.
Your sneer tells me you think it so qu*eer
    for a man to carry a purse –
    [deep inside you may wish you had one]
My sweet, loving, caring wife has been gone
     now for three lonely years,
Only special memories I have remain, like when
I said, “Are you kidding? I can’t go around
     carrying that thing over my shoulder!”
“I do,” she said.
She packed everything I could possibly ever need 
     wallet, checkbook, toothpicks,
     fingernail clippers, pens and pencils 
Proudly she walked beside me
     while I learned
     to carry my murse
     with confidence.	
So, when I see you I smirk
     I say to myself, “What’s it to you, jerk!”

My Checkbook and My Pen

Forlorn lies my checkbook
      beside it, my pen
   When, O when, will I
      ever use them again

   Paying bills online, even
      charitable contributions
   has already become
      an American institution

Waves of Love-

The price of love Is unmeasurable so  put your checkbook away~



12/6/20
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2020

On Wearing a Murse

I see the wary, self-satisfied leer as you approach
     because I carry on my right shoulder
     the expensive leather bag my wife gave me
     for Christmas three years ago
     when the doctor said “Don’t put stuff
     in your hip pockets!”
Stuff, it seems, forces one’s spine to shift
     In ways spines are not supposed to shift.
Your sneer tells me you think it so *****
    for a man to carry a purse –
    [deep inside you may wish you had one]
My sweet, loving, caring wife has been gone
     now for two lonely years,
Only special memories I have remain, like when
I said, “Are you kidding? I can’t go around
     carrying that thing over my shoulder!”
“I do,” she said.
She packed everything I could possibly ever need 
     wallet, checkbook, toothpicks,
     fingernail clippers, pens and pencils 
Proudly she walked beside me
     while I learned
     to carry my murse
     with confidence.	
So, when I see you sneer
     I say to myself, “What’s it to you, jerk!”

Welcome To Kansas Sofa Mart

“Welcome to Kansas Sofa Mart. How are you today? Looking for anything in particular?”
They look like an odd couple. He is old and ugly; she is young and cute. Too cute.

Husband glares. Wife runs toward salesman, jumps on my lap, strokes my beard.
“You remind me of my daddy,” wife says. Husband looks damned mad.

I jump out the sofa, dumping wife onto the floor. This seems to please him.
(He may have the checkbook after all).

“Sofas,” she says. “We want a sofa”  (Easy, peasy. They sell themselves).
“We have such a fine selection of sofas,” I tell them, giving them my winning smile.

I lead them to the sofa section. We have at least two hundred sofas.
She tries out all of them; he stands around, shaking his head, acting mad.

She loves color; he does not. She loves paisleys, plaids, polka dots, stripes.
He makes it clear it is black leather or nothing. Two hours later they choose nothing.

“Thank you for coming in,” I say. Trying to gulp up a bit of a smile.
(And wasting six hours of my day by not buying anything).

Four Year Old Rule Maker

You have to. We have to. They have to. Someone has to.
We are all astounded by her sheer bossiness. 
She is four, and already wants someone to have rules.
She likes being the rule maker.

You have to say “please”. This makes sense, so we do.
We have to go shopping, but what if there is no money?
She is four; this is an abstract concept she does not fathom.
You have to bring your checkbook, she says.

Someone has to explain to her that the check book 
is not magic like credit cards.
Not understanding myself, 
I leave this up to others.

When Will We Ever Learn

Liberals with a credit card,
Debts they’ll never pay
Mortgaging our future,
The present now ‘in play’

Conservatives with a checkbook,
The balance no concern
Hope now bouncing downward
  —when will we ever learn

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2016)

I Will Never Trust Her Again

I will never trust her again. Never.
Hug. Hug. Forgive me. Okay. One more time.
My husband rolls his eyes.
I stick out my tongue.
He walks off.
Not wanting to hear the
new story. I buy it fully 
and get out the checkbook
wanting my forgiveness
hug again next week.

• Short Checkbook Poems
• Famous Checkbook Poems
• Best Checkbook Poems
• Read Checkbook Poems
• Long Checkbook Poems
• Checkbook Quotes