Best Yer Poems

Stop complainin’ ‘bout how much
yer stomach hurt
It’s yer own fault that yer feelin’ that way
Got a heavy Ding Dong diet
of cream-filled, empty truth lies
Low-cal info givin’ ya no energy news blues
Creatin’ irregular bowel movements
that keeps sendin’ ya ta da bathroom
It’s yer own double dog fault,
so...

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My long-sufferin' Mother tried to teach me the rudiments of social graces,
So as not to make a fool of myself at fancy affairs and such other places.
But even so, at the school prom I splattered sauce on the tux I had rented!
So much fer impressing...

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When did it become kosher to show your butt
Jeans hanging down showing your you-know-what
The crack in your hide
And hairiness besides
Should be a law to control these guys as they strut


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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The old Scotsman burred loud on the dock:
" Bring along more than tackle and block!
  For if yah cast out yer net,
  yah might live to regret
  bringing ole Nessie up out of the Loch!"...

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Come in, come in and sit ye doon
a warm spot by the fire's for ye 
the kettle's on and 'bout to sing
a cuppa's brewing soon for two

Come in, come in and sit ye doon
there's so much that you need te hear
I kenna keep it to...

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When did it become kosher to show your butt
Jeans hanging down showing your you-know-what
The crack in your hide
And the hairiness besides
Should be a law to control these guys as they strut...

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I was tagged by that guy
the crazy culinary king
the one who makes drool
run down my chin ... ; )

So now it’s my turn [oh goodie!]
to pass on the tag
to an unsuspecting soul
and leave him holding the bag.

Now poets can be a silly bunch
not deep nor...

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I write about everyday happenings
That's my style and I'm sticking with it
I'm not yer fancy, highfalutin writer
Down to earth stuff is what I emit

I sometimes get naughty, God forbid
Try to keep it down to a minimum
A fine old gentleman from way up north
An honourable upstanding...

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a one against all iconoclast
eat my shorts was his hello
after being driven from the village
by the Iceberg Clan physical therapists
and their dictatorship of deduction
a mere fascination with the grotesque
boasting an indignant moral high ground
their vast distortions parading as what's next
none of which was actually observant
ordered...

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Cock-a-doodle-doo! Time is come for you 
to raise yer head, get out of bed.
Strum a note or two.

If you cain’t strum, pick and grin – hum a lick.
Enjoy the fun till ‘morrow come. 
Buzz a note or two.

If you cain’t hum, blow and suck –...

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For months Santa tossed back barrels of brews

   He was so fat he got stuck in the flues

      Ms Santa warned he might croak

         Choking on billowing smoke

  ...

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my brand new Harley
tight leathers
the freeway beckons

A biker’s dozen contest
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy

9/28/18...

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Please rate 1-10
(1 Santa would be proud or
  10 A coal in your stocking!)

A white Christmas in Chicagee don't make no sense
Bout time we skeedaddle, let good times commence

So where to go, my darlin' Maggie and me
As we swig down our egg nog and...

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I write about everyday happenings
That's my style and I'm sticking with it
I'm not yer fancy, highfalutin' writer
Down to earth stuff is what I emit

I sometimes get naughty, God forbid
Try to keep it down to a minimum
A fine old gentleman from way up north
An honourable upstanding...

Continue reading...

It needs no practice
Hardly any thought at all
Just hold your hand in front of you and let
your middle finger plus one towards your pinky fall.

A universal sign
not just for the deaf one but for all
So the next time your hands are feeling blue and left...

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