Best Widdle Poems
Got home awound twee (I was dwunk as a wouse)
Awose pwomptly at six wit' dwy cotton-mouth
I knew wather soon my day was gonna' bwow
When I stwuggled outta' bed and stubbed my wight toe
Fwopped back on the mattwess cwying and twitchin'
Staggoid back up and wimped to the kitchen
Stumbled to the counter to bwew Folger's bwend
Spiwwed it down my Hanes and boint my widdle fwend
Hobbled to the bathwoom to wustle up some Tums
Twipped on my fwip-fwop and bwuised my weft bun
Should not have cawoused wit' owe Bugsey wast night
Now my head hoits and de wight is too bwight
If I had not dwunk gin for my mowale booster
I coulda' swept in trew 'dat wascally wooster
(Don't feel wike wunning dat siwwy wat-wace
Tink I might caw in sick at the Woony-Tune pwace)
Pweeze wet me expwain, officer -
I taught it was dat wascally wabbit agin...
buwwowing under my ewectric fence,
eating up my cawwots. wettece, my bwoccoli
and-and...even my woot-a-beggers!
He's a weal pest...constantwee hawassing me,
destwoying, wandom wooting, wuining my cwop...
din waughing at me! (Dere outta be a waw)
Wha...awwest me?...Dis is an outwage!
I am a waw-abiding citizen!...Wead me my wights!
I demand pwoper mis-wepwesentation!
I am going diwectly to your superwior office, pwivate!
Bewieve it my fwiend, you will wive to wegwet this...
Ow! Must you be so fweekin WUFF?...Dat hoits!
I have woomatism you know! Powice bwutality! Po...
Aw scwew it...Wes! Wes! I moidered da widdle bum!
(Wunning awound dwessed wike dat
distwibuting doze siwwie cowoured eggs
Embawassing widdle cweature...
It's a downwight disgwace I tell you)
2/26/2013
Tom Price phones up John Ely.
"I hear you sell some of the best horses in the county
I'm sending out my best guy if he likes the goods
we're buying one of your horses.
My guy is a midget with a speech impediment just to give you the heads up"
he concluded and hung up the phone.
The stud groom waited until the midget knocked on the door.
"Hello, I've come to check out your hortheth", said the midget.
"Sure, do you want a male horse or a female horse ?" asked the stud groom.
"A female horth, pleath" said the midget, so off they went to look at the horses. One lovely well bred filly caught the midgets eye.
"Can I check her ears pleath ?" said the midget - so the stud groom lifted up the midget to check the horses ears, then put him back down.
"Nith ears.......... now can I look at her eyth, pleath ?" - once again the stud groom lifted up the midget to check the horses eyes, then put im
down again.
"Nith eyth ............ now I'd like to thee her **** pleath"
The stud groom was shocked and a bit offended, so he lifted up the midget and shoved him
head first into the rear area of the horse and put him back down again.
The midget coughed and spluttered, and then said....................
"Perhapth I should rephwase that...... can I see her wun awound a widdle bit ?"
16~12~2014
Dragon saw an advertisement for a Beauty Pageant, He wanted in! No less!
It stated it was for the 1 to 5’s, so Dragon figured he fit right in. You guess?
When we got there: We were shocked! No Mom would let us in, at the door.
They were probably, just jealous, as they knew, they couldn’t win! Oh, boy!
After all, his makeup & blinged out bib overalls, were impressive, my friend!
But, we always get lots of paparazzi, and the organizer wanted some of them.
He allowed us in, anyway, Moms yea or Nay, or that’s what to us, he did say.
Now the ‘5 O’Clock News’ would present it, That was a 1st for them. A fact!
The little girls were loaded to bear: with make up, talent, and tons of *****.
But man their attitudes were awful… All about them! Who would a thunk?
Amazingly, that made Dragon, seem to fit right in! He had a Good chance!
Ever wonder, how they teach widdle babies the violin, how to sing, or dance?
Well, didn’t matter, for Dragon knows fire, so he put on a little Fire Dance.
Setting the stage afire, he stomped around putting it out. Well, it did look, HOT!
No one tripped him, any more, after the first one’s eyebrows, were singed off.
Finally, all got the same crowns, as the organizer: feared the mom’s, for sure!
Of course, Dragon got ‘Best of Show’, so the paparazzi wouldn’t decide to go.
This was quite an experience; I don’t want to repeat ever, or again, real soon.
Moms’ and kids were way too mean, when the cameras were off, I impugn!
But Dragon seemed oblivious to that… as he took his extra and final 3rd bow.
His mind was totally, in dreamland, for a week, or two, or Yeah, forever more.
Me, I came away with a better understanding, of the art of being, a stage Mom.
I suspect that Dragon had only wanted the bling of a crown, from the very start.
The Trophy became mine for the mantle, to display, after Dragon blinged it out!
So if chasing fame, just be careful, what you wish for… Dragon may be about!
Otay! I’m an alien, toe what?
I used to wive on the pwanet Pwuto
Too told! TOE, I fwew to the moon
BOOOW-ING! (Eveeting too white!)
Toe I fwuttered down to Waw Tageles
Where I betame a BIG movie tar
Dey trew a party for my pwemier
but a bwack fuwwy fewine cwashed it!
Yep, I taw dat puddy-tat teak in too
Den he tunned me wit his tun gun!
Wucky for me, I dot away tumhow
Now I got dis widdle speech intetiment…
PS: Ewmer Fudd and me have become wather cwose since then because he had a
similar expewience when Bugs Bunny conked him on the head with an oversized
cawwot...
Hook: Here's the truth. We gon shine. Yung MCs and that's no lie. Coming up. To our door. Yea we got them flows galore. (Repeat x4) Verse: Guess who just jumped on the phone. Riding to a new metronome. With his sickish flows. He's hysterical. So scientific, alchemical. And everyone knows I'm genuine. I'm stacking do like innuen. Time for you to tell all your friends that this yung mc is stepping in. The rap game poor. Needs a switch in economics. Cuz a lot of these suckas still talking bout the chronic. Youthful intelligence, call it Malcolm in the middle. You old brothers sit down. Try to learn to widdle. Cuz these yung MCs gonna leave you frikazied. We a whole new breed. Give the people what they need. We a brand new sound. From a dusty ghost town. Reborn from the ashes. It had burned to the ground. This yung brother yurns. For the world to hears his words. Because the rap nowadays is so absurd. But I assure you this. When I walk into the room. Put my mouth to the mic. And straight up kill it on a tune. I'll come with a style that'll match any vet. Rhymes way swift 5 blade like Gillette. The level I stand will never be met. Cuz you fly bird. Yet I fly jet. And honestly when we on the scene you hear the sickest similes. Slicing beats with symmetry that cause the haters ears to bleed. I take the light you try to keep. Cuz all your words are obsolete. It's night-night. Time to sleep. Close the crypt. Rest in peace.
Dragon got excited, just the other day
He wanted to meet his Dragon friend Drag
Way out in that Lone Star Texas State
So he donned his really big Texas boots and hat
Put his courageous penguins right there, on his back
They too, were dressed in their cowboy best, duds N stuff
Then low and behold, my sweet little idiot, really did take off
To find Walker Texas Ranger, he said, and without me along
I was left there, staring, cause he didn’t invite me, awe Gee come on!!
Now I’d have to chase him in our really fast 50’s car that goes 22mph
But only to the edge of town, for he is a 3 year old baby dragon, after all
Yep, at that age, his body is big and his wings are small!
Yeah! It’s true. Don’t you know. Now, imagine the trouble he’s into!
Luckily he missed the house and barn, but nose-dived into the snow
Yep, the drift 4 stories tall! Thought we’d be searching there, for days
But out, from far below, came a mighty roar, from VERY deep within
Seems he didn’t like so much snow in his Widdle Baby Face and skin!
I’m laughing here, (again) Folks, but with that we knew where to begin.
It took the Fireman, Policemen, Butcher, Baker, and Candlestick Maker…
To finally get him out, fortunately, we have put trackers on the penguins
Yep, that helped to get THEM out. Isn’t technology marvelous? I say!
HEY! LITTLE penguins, BIG snow! Even you can figure THAT one out!
Seems their new necklaces with trackers, were perfect in this much snow
Yep! When we pulled Dragon out, his fire was (again) puffing snow!
The Trolls counted penguin toes to make sure we had them all.
Hey, don’t ask! Simply remember that they are Trolls, so no need to ask…
We made it home by nightfall and tucked all our tired little babies in to bed
Just so you know… Sorry Drag… The visit will have to wait, for a while
But perhaps we can try (again) next Fall, when the snows are melted.
Some more… Well… At least we can hope!
To be, or not to be: that is the question.
O’, to be unseen by the hands of the greater good!
Fettered with ignorance, a bliss more wanton than the love
Of a willing beauty; higher than the unknown
Depths of stars on a black hole journey; richer than
Humus long unturned by the spade of time – to be
Unmarked and bare - unknowing of what is, truly, is
The forethought of a hindsight never claimed.
Yet, to be known and to know, is the means of
The seeker, the listener, and the master of blood!
To be is within and without, the stars and the earth,
The state of no mind, and the keeper of no time;
The light in the darkest dark – unbound is this
Striving, from a heart meant to endure! But alas,
A torment follows the lit up singular, the gold
Amongst flesh, for all the world wishes to possess
Its worth; to know it intimately – to siphon its essence
From its stock piled earned, and spit each transmuted
Cell into the dust of a desperate house;
To dust beneath the feet, of unwavering laws.
To be is death - a dying into blindness, reborn
Without a stage; unseen by hands that widdle away
Their time on precarious planks, not knowing
A thing about those who see their folly,
Nor the consequence of their unending ignorance.
To be, or not to be: there is no question.
The first line here is from the Grand Master, Shakespeare's Hamlet, act 3, scene 1...To be or
not to be:that is the question....best line ever.
Mommy had a cold, now Dragon has it too. Oh woe is me! Woe to you, too!
Fire’s dribbling, fluidly from his eyes, as lava flows, in a nasty watery goo.
Coughs shoot in fireballs, as he coughs, with a non-tiring, and bitter croup.
Even his little bum, found itself, with the same un-erring problem, it’s true.
OH… ME… OH… MY… WHATEVER ARE WE TO DO!!!!
The house has finally imploded, so we have him floating on our big lake.
Hoping to bring his fever down, the water’s boiling, heavily in it’s wake.
So we’re now hosing water, from the shore, to cover him, in a soothing flow.
But now, the lava’s building an island of floating fire, in a bright red glow!!
OH… ME… OH… MY… WHATEVER ARE WE TO DO!!!!
But Mommy won’t be stopped from comforting her widdle, bitty Dragon Man.
So I rowed out sitting in an ice filled boat, as we had a brilliant, big, game plan!
I waas putting ice on his forehead, as others are trying to row out more, to me.
But the ice was instantly catching fire as it hit his forehead. Oh NO!! Woe is me!
OH… ME… OH… MY… WHATEVER ARE WE TO DO!!!!
Surprisingly! Singing to him, has put him soundly, and amazingly fast, to sleep.
So now I called the Vet, to save my widdle Dragon Man, as I soundly weeped!
But much to my surprise, Grandpa Troll and the Vet steadfastly, did totally agree.
Dragon’s in no trouble, for you see, fire is a kinda, Very Normal, Dragon Thing!
OH… ME… OH… MY… WHATEVER ARE WE TO DO!!!!
WHAT! You’re kidding! I said in Alarm! He’ll be fine? So just let him sleep?
But NOW he’s blowing fiery bubbles that are floating off high, into the air!
And every time he hiccups, they’re getting bigger! Do what? What did you say?
Get a gun!! OH, to shoot them from the air? And he should be fine by morning?
Honestly, a Momma’s job is never done, as the fever did finally pass at dawn.
As we exhaustedly, all took Dragon home. Well, to what was left, of it, that is.
But Momma had her widdle baby Dragon back, and that was ALL we did want!!
My prayers were finally answered! So Dear God! THANK YOU!! and AMEN!
Written by Carol Eastman 4-8-2016
Dragon likes secrets but can’t keep them… UH UH! No way!
But he’s also, often confused by what he sees every single day.
Now he got interested in Area 51, and wanted a meet and greet…
Of aliens, so when he disappeared we sought him in the streets.
We checked out Hwy 51, mile marker 51, and the 51 mph speed limit sign.
I know it’s weird, but for us 51 mph is perfect, for giving speeding fines.
We checked with the Sheriff of Crazyland cause of the history they’ve had.
We were finally, really worried, and about to list him in a lost and found ad.
He told us of visiting with an alien, earlier, on a silver motorcycle, here about.
Silver jumpsuit, helmet, boots, and silver all the rest… so we put an APB out!
I was getting more than worried… As panicked, I was very quickly becoming!
Next time I’ll listen, when my little widdle Dragon starts his mouth a running!
Suddenly in the front yard, in the sky, came a flash of silver and green light!
And out popped The Green Lantern plus the Silver Surfer, in all their might!
From behind the Silver Surfer, Dragon leaped into my open and inviting arms.
Naturally with us both, landing flat upon the ground… stopping all my alarms.
The Silver Surfer had given Dragon a fun ride, but Dragon had gotten kinda lost!
He’d looked away, and Dragon being curious, had at that moment, wandered off.
Then Dragon was kidnapped by an alien gang, who wanted to sell him to a Zoo!
In Alpha Centauri! But his fire saved him, it became way too hot, when it blew!
Dragon was scared, as he learned not all alien’s are good, as he bowed his head.
Plus flying a space ship isn’t good, when fire blows all around, it has been said!
Thankfully, they’d needed an SOS, which had saved our little sweet Dragon guy.
Then the Silver Surfer & Green Lantern, brought our little one home, now wise!
Of course a naptime was in order, as we tucked him into his soft, safe bed, too.
But he now knew: Alien Super Heroes do exist, and that dreams can come true…
And to never go anywhere without, his family, with him, but we can now say…
For a Hero Dragon and his new friends, it was an Interstellar Great News Day!
Some bad guys learned that: Dragon Heroes are just too hot to handle! No cliché!
And Dragon was good… for the rest of the Day! Thank goodness! And Hooray!
Written 7-29-2016, This one is for my friend Steve….
Okay, so Mom got me my own smart-phone,
now I can have fun when I’m home alone.
I can see the addiction to this thing,
I can finally buy myself some bling.
Oh wait, a text from Fluffy-Bell,
Tuesday’s play-date went really well.
“Girl, check out the new food site,
that tuna’s got sauce with every bite!
Oh hey, wait, I’m get’in a text,
yeah, it’s from that smexy tabby, Rex.
Ooh, ooh, he wants a play-date, too,
oh geez, what am I going to do?
Got to go girl and get some bling,
afterwards I’ll give you a ring.
I can’t let him see me in this old collar,
I don’t want him thinking I live in squalor.
Here’s one, it’s full of pink rhinestones,
I’m going to order it on my new smart-phone.
Oh wait, I can't find Mom’s credit card,
you know, web shopping’s awfully hard.
Now I’ll have to manipulate Mom;
bookmarking this site, I’ll leave my phone on.
She’ll check up on me and see what I want,
then, I’ll get a new collar to flaunt.
Yeah girl, it really does work,
Mom worships me, she’s no jerk.
I’m her “widdle-purrrdy-girl”,
I’m her BFF in this world!
Personification - Pets Talking Poetry Contest
Constance La France
6-5-2022
Bark
yap yap
blah blah blah
be close minded
praising those banning
books, education, rewriting folk
pretend to be truth while
every word uttered is a hateful lie
you're disposable, a widdle bitty pawn
the big Zionist eye, laughing at the clown
slaughter slaughter slaughter
despicable acts only fools would cheer
a raging racist sits alone while nursing his girly beer
Whether we wander wistful
whether we wander wise
we waltz wedding’s waltz; whenever
whatever weather
we’ll wriggle with wishful wives
Wind wispy willow
willy-nilly we’ll whirl
we’ll widdle we’ll weave; whenever
whatever weather
we'll waltz with wedding's wench
Well worthy we writers
who with words wrench
Finishing Line Press. Book FAREWELL TO THE DUST, by C. S. Leaf avalible March 2008
www.FinishingLinePress.com
1930s Dirranbandi Mucky eye fix
Coming back from bloody Cobar,
where the dust storms used to blow,
came the mucky eyed with Sandy Blight,
as the mucky eyed do go,
back in the thirties - forties,
Ning-a-Ning Joseph saw em, hah,
When ole man Wise took to fixing,
Mucky eyeballs, yes bloody sah!
Widdle in a bottle, swirl the mixture, sweet delight,
Add a little drop of Ainaseed, to kill the smell orright,
Splash it on the eyeball, let it trickle tickle there,
Just a widdle bit of seeing,
Till yer sight was bloody fair,
The mucky eyed no longer gummed up, & eyelid red,
just the trickle on the eyeball, fixed the mucky yucky head,
Ole wise was up 4 sainthood at the Black stump water hole,
A widdle bit of widdle cleans the eye and soothes the soul?
Don Johnson
This free totin barn shootin lowse
Once hunted for a mean growse
I wanted a bigun for my spowse
I ain't talkin bout no widdle mouse
On a sultri afternoon besides my howse
I went huntin for some tasty jowls
I took some urin from one of my spodded cows
Rubbed it on my tanned raw hide a horny critter to rowse
About ten for noon I did a rabid coon espowse
It came at me with bared teeth and angry growlse
It jumpt down my ass soked pants my honor to jowse
We run up a pecan tree; it was like two squiruls in a nuthowse
I shucked him from my trowsers and flew down that tree strate to
the outhowse
He follered close on my heels scurryin thru the door like a drunkin
bowse
Afearin for my life I pulled down my pants and with my canin that
vermun did dowse
A contry tale to raddle your nurves