Best Wellies Poems
YES DEAR!
I have here an old solution
For conflict resolution
Not to mention domestic pollution
I say 'Yes Dear!'
When the situation is tense
With a subject like pounds and pence
To avoid sitting on the fence
I say 'Yes Dear!'
Though I sometimes feel sure I'm right
And would argue my point all night
That would really seal my plight
I confess Dear!
So winning my point I'll eschew
Won't debate 'til my face turns blue
I'll admit what you say is true
- More or less Dear
Famous men throughout world history
Would avoid conjugal misery
If they'd just given in to Her plea
And said 'Yes Dear!'
Julius Caesar would have stayed serene
In the senate missed a nasty scene
When his wife said 'your chariot needs a clean'
He'd said 'Yes Dear!'
Harold might have continued as king
Sent William home without a thing
But he paused when his wife gave a ring
Said: 'I'm a bit pressed Dear!
MacBeth would avoid so much strife
And live out a peaceful life
If he'd put off his ambitious wife
With:'Give it a rest Dear!'
Prince Albert a faithful consort
Gave Victoria his total support
And nine children - a major export
Said 'Jawohl I do mein best Dear!'
Louis 16th got everything wrong
Made his exit quite short, not so long
Told his wife in a touching swan song
'Must get it off my chest Dear!'
The Iron Duke was in no mood for dallies
'Let's give those French a pain in their bellies'
But when his wife said:'You'd better wear your wellies'
Said: ‘By God! Yes Dear'
For myself, to fight would be absurd
I think conflict is just for the birds
And I know I'll always get the last words
Those being 'Yes Dear!'
3 March 2019
Make me actually LOL 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Categories:
wellies, humor, marriage,
Form:
Rhyme
A is for a**l
B is for balls
Share them or wear them
Tucked up in your smalls
C is for condoms
Of all shapes and sizes
D is for dicks
Made of chocolate for prizes
E is for enlarging erections
Oh wow!
F is for fig leaves
Worn you know how
G is for G string
Oooh very nice
H is for handcuffs
Double locked twice
I is for indecent
That sums it up
J is for juices
And not in a cup
K is for kinky
Whatever the weather
L is for lust, libido and leather
M is for mask, massage and minge
N is for naughty
Making me cringe
O is for oral
Taken at leisure
P is for pervert, ****, pimp and pleasure
Q is for quickie
If that is your need
R is for rampant rabbit
One you won't have to feed
S is for S and M
With shackles thrown in
T is for torture
Oh such a sin
U is for urinate
Some folk just love it
V is for vibrator
You know where to shove it
W is for whores, whips, willies and wellies
X is for x rated **** on your tellies
Y is for yeast
Well it does make bread rise!
And Z, well I'm f****d
So I'll say my goodbyes!
Categories:
wellies, funny,
Form:
ABC
An aardvark walked into IKEA
Why he did that I have no idea
Ignoring their calls
To try the meatballs
He searched for some ants out the rear
He does ‘civilised’ when he’s able
So found a flat pack dining table
He’d built one - not ever
In inclement weather
And thus it was rather unstable
You don’t see aardvarks wearing wellies
While stuffing ants into their bellies
And if he should drown
While slurping ants down
Would it show up on closed circuit tellies?
He wouldn’t be humiliated
Embarrassment is over rated
The ground was now boggy
And aardvark was soggy
His hunger was not to be sated
So he snuck in to get meatballs - Swedish
He was wet so they gave him a free dish
He ate them real quick
And then he got sick
Had somebody done something fiendish?
The police came and said, “Well I Never,
Was it IKEA food or the weather?”
They found lots of clues
They thought they could use
But they struggled to put them together.
Categories:
wellies, animal, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
When I spotted Saint George in a van,
I feared that his horse might be lame.
Or worse, in a Doggomeat can,
when hurt in some chivalric game.
Saint George, it appeared was not happy,
now carried around in this way.
He used to dress well and quite snappy,
with armour and sword on display.
It didn’t seem right, when I saw him,
in wellies and minus a hat.
I expect my Saint to be trim,
not looking like some bureaucrat.
“You there!” said Saint George to a swain,
“I need you to help with my quest.
They’re wanting a Dragon thing slain,
because it’s becoming a pest.”
“Noble Saint, may it please you to hark,
‘tis Ramblers and Naturalists Day.
They’re swarming all over his Park
and demanding a new Right of Way.”
“Yon Dragon is hid in his cave,
all cringing from lads and the lasses.
He claims he’s no longer so brave,
when facing the wrath of the masses.”
The Saint then climbed back in his banger,
but soon got it stuck in the mud.
He next was assailed by the clamour
of peace keepers baying for blood!
The Entrance, he got a surprise,
when told he must purchase a ticket.
‘For seeing a Dragon who cries,
when hiding behind a small thicket!’
Saint George soon fastened his tabard,
(of bio-degradable tin),
then drew out his gun from its scabbard
and gingerly ventured within.
“Brave Saint! You have come and will save me,
before I am forced back to crime
or ghastly do-gooders enslave me.
Thank goodness you’ve got here in time.”
“I’ve finished all Dragonly trades
and prisoners now been released.
I love little children and maids.
My fire fighting days are all ceased.
Saint George said, “I must go ahead.
This isn’t the world as we knew it.
The age of old Chivalry’s dead.”
He pointed his gun – and he slew it!
~
For Judy's "Hail to the Dragon Slayer' Competition.
Categories:
wellies, england,
Form:
Verse
Neptune
The king sits on a wooden throne on a turf of
dry land, his country has been swallowed up
by the sea, turns to his premier and says; why
didn´t you ask the Dutch for help, their flat
country has been beneath sea levels for many
years... and as a result they have grown to be
the tallest people in the world, this so they
look over dikes and keep an eye on the ocean.
The king takes off his green wellies and asks
for dry socks, a flunky puts them on, but sees
the king has webbed feet and wonders why.
The monarch knew his country would sink,
and was prepared, his kingdom will be big and
limitless.
Categories:
wellies, humor,
Form:
Italian Sonnet
Off us two went, beneath the trees,
that crackled and snappled
in Autumn’s crisp breeze,
our wellies slish-sloshing through the pelting rain,
plip-plopping, plip-plopping
again and again.
The thunder it rumbled,
and the wind it blew
but on and on,
the adventurers, two,
rustled through leaves
till we came to a tree,
and the treasure it threw -
just for you, and for me.
Dark red-brown shiners
were there to be gathered,
the bigger the better -
that’s all that mattered!
We took them in armfuls,
filled carrier bags,
then we strung them on strings -
“Oh, what fun we had!”
Crashing and bashing,
we let the strings fly,
around our knuckles,
and up, to the sky!
Knocked them together,
till they spun around,
in a smackety wallop -
one fell to the ground!
One of the shiners
was all split into two,
twas tough on the outside,
but inside, all goo!
The champion, victorious,
announced that she won
and I was defeated, but still, it was fun!
Conkers, all bonkers,
Oh, what a game!
And when next year comes
we will do it, again.
Suzy Davies, 2017. Copyright. All Rights Reserved.
Categories:
wellies, autumn, childhood, earth, friend,
Form:
Light Verse
Leccy Powers in the Air
Nikola Tesla knew the score,
back there, wayback in 1894,
send-em power through the post,
bloody radio antennae, sends the ghost ,
wireless sends the power,
from the insulated tower,
tuned aeriel sucks the most,
fine tuned it is the host,
a quarter wave deflowers,
when electric car un-powers,
recharge from power radio remote,
a constant radio wave, unquote,
or constant flow empowers,
Leccy car you Billy Goat ! :}-
So ac power is in the air,
detected by the car, right there,
powered then the Billy Goat,
tuned aerial , sucks in the voltage, know it!
Leccy car can run 4 sure!
Don't need no petrol, where?
just leccy techs, leccy motors go-at,
says johnson, with a slight unquote,
the new world is to share,
if it catches em by the throat,
the dimwits wouldn't dare,
but some ones got to show it ?
Eg frequency of 27 megacycles cb radio 27,000,000 a second.
So put a 9 foot antennae on you car to receive the signal current?
It works out shorter for much faster frequencies like your mobile phone.
A few inches, a few centimeters etc...
So the sent electricity gets collected at the right length antennae and
runs the leccy motor in your car...sounds cool to me …
id be wearing wellies or gum boots to avoid a shock from the powered antennae 250volts maybe, if I touched it:} kill switches needed hey...
Don Johnson
BEFORE 20,000 YEARS AGO THE ATLANTEAN PEOPLE OF THE RED SKIN TYPE,
HAD SUBMARINES AND AEROPLANES. {VALIXI}. POWERED AND CONTROLLED BY RADIO WAVES TECHNOLOGY REMOTELY..{ARE WE TOO RETARDED TO DO IT???}...INDUS VALLEY PEOPLE HAD VIMANA
FLYING MACXHINES TOO AT THAT TIME....AND WROTE HOW FIX THE MERCURY ENGINE...
Do we have to res-surect ole Tesla?
to get it to work? ac electricity can be
transmitted through the air! as he said...
easily converted to dc voltage by rectifiers...as in power supplys....
like having your own power pole on the car...
Categories:
wellies, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
Rivulets of rain run down my misty window pane
All day long the cats and dogs have teemed down
I really need some sunshine on my pale skin
Non-stop rain makes me feel chilled to the bone
Drip, drip, drip, crystal teardrops fall from the sky
Rivers are swollen I hope there is no more flooding
Overcoats and wellies are worn by everyone
Please can the rain stop falling
Summer sunshine you are welcome to come and visit us soon
22nd July 2015
Categories:
wellies, nature, rain, weather,
Form:
Acrostic
Spring is late in coming and March is chilly,
England’s weather seems to be getting harsher,
Friends had snow and here it is cold and raining…
Easter in wellies!*
* Wellington boots
For Craig’s Sapphic Stanza contest
Categories:
wellies, weather,
Form:
Sapphic stanza
It is now ten minutes past noon,
So, I can wish you a good afternoon,
The clouds are gracefully displaying,
Whatever an artist imagines,
But my production manager is glaring,
Say your bit quick he mouths me,
Cheekily I replied, ‘let me be’,
I take a deep breath, and the sun
Peeps from underneath,
Playing hide and seek, having fun,
Oh, I see a cloud shape of a bunny,
That really looks funny,
Don’t forget to take your wellies,
For rain will certainly pour
At approximately three, maybe four.
Splash through every puddle,
Don’t forget to cuddle huddle,
Fun is in the air, a chilly Easterly
Actually no Westerly,
Breeze will later bring wild winds
Tell your mummy or daddy to pull
Down your window blinds,
Pack a warm jersey as well,
You can never tell ,
What will be the weather,
How ‘bout we get together,
Where are you going for tea,
Would you not rather join me.
Phones began ringing
I’m suddenly thinking,
Things look very busy on my TV
Slot, parents congratulating me,
Children stop homework
To listen and see,
My weather forecast,
Golly, a hurricane has just passed,
Aren’t we lucky,
High five and pinkie three,
I got transferred to kiddies TV
Where I’d much rather be!
Contest Entry: "You're a Weather Forecaster"
Sponsor: Matt Caliri
Date; 2022/03/21
Categories:
wellies, weather,
Form:
Free verse
Our Day Out
Our day out to Wales in the Summer of 1981
In car temperature soars that alike to Lebanon,
Not like the previous year of 1980
When temperatures where more akin to Haiti.
Mark one Cortina of a family friend
Seven of us packed in till journeys end.
Car fumes dilute with stale tree air freshener,
Musky heat smell windows barely ajar
Stomach turns, nausea kicks in
Travel sickness arrives
Pull over the car!
Our Welsh arrival is welcomed by rain
Without this a trip here would never be the same
Ridiculous wellies at the ready and embarassing kagool
Not much different from a day out with school!
Countless gift shops adorn the cobbled streets
Each one identical to the last
Welsh towels, traditional dolls and kiss me quick hats.
These cobbled streets stem the flow of insessent driving rain
Forecast of sun will speed up its refrain,
The break up of clouds and retreat of welsh dragon brollies
Cuts to a sweltering waterfront and melting ice lollies.
Old people hog seafront benches
Cool bags of sandwiches
Some ham some cheese
Cold flasks of teas
Making mockery of the seafront heat
Tartan blankets on knees!
Jingle jangle of keys stating Cymru
Signalling the end of our day out and seaview
Its back to the car and our cramped journey home,
Bank holiday traffic roadworks and cones.
In years to come i would appreciate this place
Beauty on our doorstep Escape from big city pace
Castles of interest, Proud national heritage
More fascinating with age
Its even the place i was to become engaged!
So thanks to my parents for those painful days out
Thankyou to Wales for showing me what you are about
Days out and camping
Coastlines for miles
You have brought me much joy
Rain hail or shine
Copyright
S Rose
Categories:
wellies, adventure, appreciation, childhood, summer,
Form:
Free verse
Ode to Rabbie Burns.
. I was up before the dawn,
still half asleep for sure.
I struggled into wellies
and headed for the moor.
The heather smelt so fine,
my Whisky tasted good
as i put away the hip flask
and walked towards the woods.
I went in through the bracken
and quietness was a need.
The search was now in earnest
for this is where they feed.
At first i checked the traps
all empty such a shame.
This Beastie was elusive
would you like to know his name?
He is only found in Scotland
on moors and deep in woods
and sometimes changes colour
depending on his moods.
His diet it is Heather
the purple is the best,
though sometimes he eats Neeps
to farmers he"s a pest.
His legs they number three
he has no grace or poise,
and if theres more than one
they really make a noise.
They taste so good and spicy
with pepper and with salt.
Served up with Tatties and Neeps
washed down with a single malt.
But have you guessed his name,
would you know one face to face.
Robert Burns it was who called him
" Great chieftain o the pudding-race"
Yes it is the Haggis,
let"s all take it in turns
and raise your glass in homage
"Oh heres tae Rabbie Burns"
Categories:
wellies, food
Form:
Rhyme
No! Amanda - don’t do that
You put clothes on dollies, not on the cat
Yes, I know that you’re playing, but Simba does not
And he really doesn’t belong in that cot
No! Amanda - I’ve told you before
Put your food in your mouth, not on the floor
Yes, I know it’s spaghetti, but look at the mess
There’s less on the plate than there is down your dress
No! Amanda - don’t you dare
Climb up in those wellies, onto the chair
Yes, I know that it’s bouncy, and that it feels good
But I don’t need the furniture covered in mud
No! Amanda – don’t take him out
A goldfish likes to keep swimming about
Yes, I know that you’re looking, but just please use your eyes
If you hold him much longer, he’s going to die
No! Amanda – don’t get out of bed
Pull up your covers, and cuddle in Ted
Yes I know that you’re tired, but you’ll soon be asleep
Then I can finally sit down and find some relief!
© Janette Fisher – May 1988
I wrote this poem when Amanda was 3 years old, she's now 24
Categories:
wellies, daughter
Form:
Rhyme
NOTE-Right now Scotland is suffering it's worsed winter since 1963.The severe
weather has put the whole country at a stand-still.....
Polar bears in kilts, it's now minus fifteen.
Ice cube cars and wellies and our frozen windscreens.
Roads are all at grid-lock,schools are closed across the land.
Whole communities shovelling snow, all working hand in hand.
Where are our gritters and our snow-plough's, is oor salt in short supply?
All my poor winter pansies, bet your boots there going to die.
My snowman's got the flu, my sledge has two buckled blades.
And now i've slipped a disc out and i've broken three good spades.
People wearing earmuffs, snoods and scarves, no skin to bare.
But i am in a Glasgow Betting Shop, not in Moscow's Red Square.
My wee car's like a bobsleigh as it trundles through the snow.
My toes are cold, my bum is numb and my cheeks they are aglow.
River Clyde has all iced over, cancelled trains and frozen locks.
Leggings, gloves and thermal undies, woolly hats and soggy socks.
All my gutters have collapsed and caved in, my snowman's head.
And the birds, they are all starving, better throw them out some bread.
Penguins play the bagpipes, carol singers join in too.
Susan Boyle sings White Christmas in the icy morning dew.
Scotland.... Shivering to a stand-still, this winter really is a corker.
Stuff this vicious winter weather's am away aff tae Majorca.
Categories:
wellies, seasonswinter, winter,
Form:
Rhyme
My Wellies
You would not recognise me today
My skin is olive when not tanned
My eyes are avocado
As God planned
You would not recognise me today
My head wrap keeps the cold away
In France they would sing and dance
And there would be no second chance
You would not recognise me today
My sense of humour kept at bay
Unless beneath my coat you see
My royal crown adorn Wellies !
Categories:
wellies, funny, parody, me, me,
Form:
Free verse