Best Weensy Poems
This poem stinks.
It doesn't rhyme
It doesn't do anything
It has a little alliteration
well...
it will have some
because that's the easiest poetic element to incorporate
and if it didn't have any poetic elements
it would not be a poem
but would be prose with
randomly
inserted
carriage returns...
(are carriage returns extinct?)
and that would be dishonest.
This is not a lying poem.
That would be oxymoronic.
It's a stinky poem.
And when I finish writing it
I'm gonna print it out
and tear it up
into little bitty
teensy weensy pieces
(if I have enough patience to get that small)
and flush it down the commode
so it can join all the other
excrementally effluential essences
(note the alliteration)
of all the other stuff that stinks
almost as badly as
this poem.
Categories:
weensy, art, funny, on writing
Form:
Free verse
wri
ting is
knitting
your life
thro ugh
a nee dle
and if
you sew
emotion
secret
you’ll
get
nu
dg
ed
a
w
e
e
n
s
y
Writing is knitting through the needle if you sew emotion, secret, you'll get nudged a weensy
Categories:
weensy, wisdom,
Form:
Shape
Teensy
Weensy
~A Brian Strand Footle Finale
~Judy Konos "Footle" contest
Categories:
weensy, beach, body,
Form:
Footle
hehehe
hehehe
hehehe
you forget us
we never forget you
u neglected your health
never clean after being dirty
it will be fine you thought
will you be fine?
you followed your gluttony
eating atrociously
Unknown kinds of animals, you ate
it will be fine, you thought
yes you did
here we are
Years after years
we claimed thousands of you
with different names
death plague, Ebola, Spanish flu and cholera
are just some of our names
we might be different
yet we will always
be there for you
when you least expected
Such death tolls
from epidemics to pandemics
caused by such
teensy weensy microbes
no, nano microbes
you cannot see us,
does not mean we are not there
Hehehe
be wary, be wary
we are watching you always
hehehe
hehehe
Categories:
weensy, 12th grade, dark,
Form:
Free verse
My somewhat outsize ears and longish neck
(I swear exist, which contrary to popular myth
never seen by living persons) support this egg shaped
(fried or scrambled some might argue) head.
A mostly flat and hairless chest attests to a regular
regimen of light (self-concocted) chest-pounding routine.
Exercise (as well as meditation) a vital part of my
daily program to deal with the ordinary stresses
of primitive existence. Coffee happens to be the
sotto voce sole vice, which exotic brews provide
helpful jump-start. I sometimes even chump on cup
kept teeth sharp. That unproductive habit came
to a screeching halt after breaking every pearly white.
Now to that locale known as the trumpeting rump
pull stilts skin. Although the unseen forces of biology
and genetics dealt me an itsy bitsy, tiny tushy
(which serves as the but for fellow Apes to taunt
and tease) such anatomical feature offers little
value as the worthiness of sexual prowess.
This palm pilot sized gluteus Maximus offers one benefit.
Ease to squeeze into tight spaces without getting stuck.
This tiny tushy accompanied by a vestigial and
teeny-weensy Weiner schnitzel of a phallus, which
undersized cock a doodle do doth bulge into
an erectile state within shooting distance of
coveted warm, wet and wooly private world
property of each and every woman.
A pair of skinny (flamingo like) legs (covered in
adequate hair) now completes this general character sketch.
Categories:
weensy, 11th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
Dramatic Monologue
The sun has gone for his holidays
We don’t know when he’ll be back.
He gone to Australia for a rest
But we can’t wait for him to come back.
We miss him when he is away
He never sends a postcard.
I suppose he might find writing it
A teensy weensy bit hard.
He is baking the Australians
And the Indians too.
I know that cos I just spoke to one
He was very polite to me too.
He told me it is 35 degrees
And he is getting a bit hot
I told him to send it back to us
Because we definitely are not.
He laughed as he gave me the codes
To fix my remote control
He wished me all I wished myself
I thanked him, and said that was my goal.
Now as we get nearer to the solstice
The sun I have to tell
You will be making your way back soon
And on that I am going to dwell.
It makes me happy to know,
You will have to start your return
I can’t wait for the solstice on the 22nd to pass
For this I am longing and I yearn.
Categories:
weensy, funny, me, longing, me,
Form:
Light Verse
It is amazing how many super important people there are in my hometown!
At almost any intersection, I will be eclipsed by at least 2-3 individuals who are cooler
Than I could ever aspire to think to become.
Lately I see them everywhere!
They look just like the people on the covers of those high quality magazines I see
In line at the grocery store when I am buying my crate of ramen noodles, and
The 4 for $5 Bar-S brand hot dogs.
I can't help but to think, "WOW! Why haven't I seen any of these people on t.v. yet?"
My adulation for people like Newton, the Incas, Brahmms, Klimt has been misplaced!
Just when I felt like a wart infested slug for my lack of awareness,
A gracious miracle occurred:
This girl/woman/tranny pulled up next to me at a long traffic light.
She wore those wonderful Jackie-o knock offs that almost cover the entire face,
Making her nose look like this teensy-weensy little button!
The a.c. blew her hair around like she was in a photo shoot, and
After removing the cell phone that had neurally implanted itself to her head,
She stared straight ahead, as if in a trance.
I was sure that she was probably in deep thought concerning ways to feed starving babies,
Or contemplating the lines for her next secret audition that only she knows about.
Once the light turned chartreuse, she accelerated like a photon;
This is when I noticed the scintillating rims that resembled the UFO that I communicated with
Down by irrigation ditch the day before.
This was a sign... I had to catch up with her and share this knowledge!
I followed her the length of the city until she finally pulled
Her behemoth into some swanky day spa that had no airs of pretentiousness whatsoever.
It was weird because as I approached her vehicle, I began to sputter and stammer
All of my words; I even began to inexplicably lurch as I walked towards her.
When she saw me her eyes widened to the size of coffee saucers, and
The next thing I knew was there were these wires attached to my chest!
Suddenly I was dreaming of the time I ate mushrooms and touched a frayed cord
On an alarm clock.
When I awoke on the hot asphalt, my seraph had vanished into a mid afternoon haze.
I had to give a toothy smile though- I knew that my body just couldn't handle the intensity
Of her heavenly nimbus!
Categories:
weensy, adventurepeople, day, me, people,
Form:
Free verse
Ugh, Why Must The Missus Vacuum At The Crack Of Dawn?
(circa: early December 27, 2018 morning)
There appears to be a
virulent (possibly deadly) strain
of housekeeping virus
Hoover ring in the air
asymptomatic tentatively linked to rein
deer droppings (micro-organisms) blare
ring and trumpeting beyond
the threshold to humans, though plain
lee send audible wavelengths
to symbiotic species clear
as a bell, which organisms don
nano size MAGA hats, and main
lee set up shop in carpet threads,
and chiefly thrive on deer
pellets, where one bee bee
gun size bullet serves long lane
of critters unseen can easily
make headway into ear,
eyes, nose, et cetera other
orifices, and Kane
inject unsuspecting vacuum sealed
byproduct to forswear
unsightly piles of dirt, debris,
dust bunnies, which Jain
Dharma would find
appalling horrifically glare
ring at desecrating supposed germ
carrying pests calling utterly inane,
the constant effort
to keep house beautiful heir
ruled ding disinfectant resistant,
whether mite tee Germaine,
or itty bitty teensy weensy siblings
many named Oh Fair
Roe One Wade for me, nonetheless seek
out porous fleshy terrain
allowing, enabling and providing
pinhead size portal
i.e. vector to engineer
transmitting a fast
acting alien entity
without any explain
nation, an immediate urge to spruce up
the place applying interlinear
trigonometry (of course adhering to
Feng Shui when rearranging), without drain
ning, lessening, zapping,
et cetera, but meer
really loose sing a whirling dervish
(mini tornado) fiercely
finding the spouse on feverish spree
to clean entire apartment chain!
Categories:
weensy, abuse, anger, animal, dad,
Form:
Free verse
Directing ethics to be suitable if it is accurate.
That should be clever to discover delight in any request.
I urge you to consider sharing; she must be relating.
Further, an ecstatic dream is there in the perceiving.
All that stands, may it arise upright and swither.
Also, when standing, restrain your ethical manner.
I invoke God for the soul who starts to suffer weensy.
Manage to be wary even with his corporeality.
May we be loyal to our egos and them to theirs?
Assume each one is eager to be their authentic selves?
Plus, may we be conveyed the shards to speak?
Insidiously, escape my wilful life as hastily as a streak.
If you don't alter your way, you must reinstill.
Hence, it may deviate from reality and be real.
Written: December 12, 2021
Categories:
weensy, analogy, appreciation, blessing, character,
Form:
Sonnet
(Me slippery fingers slither,
slip and slide splashing ala
Jackson Pollock), sans slap
dash experimental, swiftly
tailored and harried writing
style, yes on par with purging,
spewing, venting...unexpurgated,
unexpressed, unexplained...
words, which this Engelbert
Humperdinck singer/songwriter,
(whose name inexplicably popped
into the mind of this Dadaist)
offers "FAKE" apology for any
self inflicted, or sadomasochistic
flagellated cranial contusions
out of utter futility to make sense
regarding following gobbledygook!
GOOD LUCK!
Mine groovy palmar flexion creases
forever moistened by porous size
damn leaking levees provoking deluge
outranking Biblical flood - handy history
(in miniature) replete with Ark keel
logical artifacts discovered by hall n
oats marked wainwright - about 10 stone and
5 pound huckster, circa Fin de siècle,
when callous ten hooks (calisthenics,
eh) caught without Noah shadow of a
doubt proof positive by Matthew Scott,
(amat sure his surname) linkedin to storied
testament rivalling epic of Gilgamesh,
nee the entire spoilers alerts since
dawn of civilization writ small impossible
mission to decipher indelibly etched,
(what appear as Egyptian hieroglyphics),
methinks his perspiration contains
preservative agent, (a natural formaldehyde
like substance) generated nsync to maintain
eternal youthfulness, which stumps
medical community, and earned him
hashtagged "hotmail" (eagerly sought
after human commodity), a blessing
and curse palms plagued with chronic
wetness, yet lines (little flushed streams
of consciousness) rowed by itty bitty
teensy weensy merry daydreamers harkens
back when life held faint promise for
scattered (contra) bands of bipedal
hominids fiercely competing with trumpeting
(Taj Mahal sized) beasts (donned tousled
windswept hirsute trademark) Euclid
heir'm barreling along barren steppes
all around the one straggly mulberry bush,
where one pensive monkey (protohuman)
chased the weasel all around the world wide web.
Categories:
weensy, analogy, atheist, boat, creation,
Form:
Free verse
The Antics Of A Would Be Mama's Yoyo Thief
(now a penchant with less Zionist trenchant ululation to vent.)
Not a peep passed thru mine -
aye vaguely attest
what ten? eleven? twelve? age
of following anecdote at best
guest, but no
doubt yours truly
with figurative heart in chest
scared puny meek boy
tight lipped silently confessed
to foiled attempt, sans trying
unsuccessfully to steal a yoyo,
inviting tummy prepubescent
unbuttoning, a substantially
sprawling Holy skype sizing breast
of mine upon be nabbed,
thus aye didst detest
foolish kid ploy, and
(prematurely nipping
in the bud) messed
up potential life of crime
with first and only
shoplifting heist jest
for getting caught no a pest
key yoyo, mama would
(IF FOUND OUT)
axe me no quest
chin, but whack me itty bitty
teensy weensy derriere lest
quickly putting to rest
any Robin Hood
fantasy life of
high stakes crime pressed,
and squeezed out the noggin
with apropos punishment addressed
thankfully, neither parent
got wind, nor ever guessed
their beautiful darling
boy did test
petty theft, never
matured nor didst crest
into a profitable "yoyo
string Ponzi like
scheme," thus ballsiest
dare devilish and bitterest,
and laughably noble lest
act yours truly ever attempted
immediately ceased to shelve bravest
sleight of hand find
delve during broad est
daylight, I immediately
didst shelve, when clumsiest
initial foray into
the world wide web
tubby come cleverest
lad, this side of
Lansdale, Pennsylvania
many damnedest
yesterdays ago, never
took another earnest
tempting gamble since security
detail nearly wrest
head possible zapped feeblest Ames?
to pilfer from other
Department stores if pressed
for money no matter,
I might miss an enforced
hated ballet class,
with abs salute zest!
Categories:
weensy, 4th grade, 5th grade,
Form:
Metrical Tale
This poem stinks.
It doesn't rhyme
It doesn't do anything
It has a little alliteration
well...
it will have some
because that's the easiest poetic element to incorporate
and if it didn't have any poetic elements
it would not be a poem
but would be prose with
randomly
inserted
carriage returns...
(are carriage returns extinct?)
and that would be dishonest.
This is not a lying poem.
That would be oxymoronic.
It's a stinky poem.
And when I finish writing it
I'm gonna print it out
and tear it up
into little bitty
teensy weensy pieces
(if I have enough patience to get that small)
and flush it down the commode
so it can join all the other
excrementally effluential essences
(note the alliteration)
of all the other stuff that stinks
almost as badly as
this poem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
was just diggin' through the archives and this one made me giggle and reminded me that I've places to go and people to see and mustn't procrastinate longer because the LAST MINUTE approacheth
Categories:
weensy, on writing and words,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
little
footle
maybe
baby
très small
not tall
eensy
weensy
itty
bitty
minute
too cute
skinny
mini
tiny
viny
‘tis slight
just right
low-key
it’s wee
twinky
dinky
bit long
too strong
8/19/2022
Sponsor: Brian Strand
Categories:
weensy, imagery, writing,
Form:
Footle
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itsy bitsy
teensy weensy
itty bitty spider
] ] ] ] [ [ [ [
AP: 2nd place 2022, Honorable Mention 2021
Posted on November 17, 2019
Categories:
weensy, insect, word play,
Form:
Concrete
A teensy weensy lady beetle
A bitty, pint sized bug
Seduced by the tune of an old man’s fiddle
Had went inside and gotten stuck
Her little, feeble, fragile limbs
Supported her spotted frame
Until she found a place to swim
And was sucked down by the drain
A grieving clan of crickets and frogs
Chimed in for a farewell chorus
A saddened toad for every log
Deer in mourning, lined the forest
The biggest, blue-green butterfly
Placed flowers on the front porch steps
For miles and miles, the wolves did cry
A howl for every breath
The following morning was quite a sight
As everyone had overslept
Due to the single saddest night
When the whole wide world had wept
Categories:
weensy, bereavement, fantasy, farewell, fate,
Form:
Rhyme