Best Up The Wrong Tree Poems
My Mix-Breed "Extra Fluffy"
happy as can be
Entered in the "Dog-Gone" trials
Just one of eighty-three
Some as big as horses
some as long as trains
Some so smart they spoke to you
You'd think they had our brains
The judges they were different though
The scoring one two three
For each performing act they did
they all received a "three"
Pretty soon they narrowed it down
then narrowed it down some more
Some dogs were none too happy now
they didn't even score
Terriers didn't stand a chance
Dalmatians faired the same
When a pure bred Poodle took the gold
the Shepherd went insane
How could they do this to these dogs?
was it cause they aren't the same
The judges? Mostly poodle breeds
you think they were to blame?.....
Once again the cat was in the cradle
and I didn't even have a silver spoon,
my master always at work leaving me with this loon,
always standing there stiff like with those sticks,
yesterday my tongue getting frozen as I tried to lick it,
Maybe I should be a little more bolder,
since I'm getting tired of him giving me the cold shoulder,
me a jack russell terrier with a ton of energy,
I didn't understand why he wasn't being very friendly,
My staring and whining at him certainly didn't do the trick,
because he just stood there staring back and didn't flinch,
finally with all the gusto I could muster,
I jumped high in the air and barked "take that buster!",
Finally grabbing the stick that I wanted him to throw,
seems like he started to dissolve a bit and take a bow,
I started chewing on the stick and dragging it around,
the frozen loon slowly dissolving and still not making a sound,
Couple of days later the frozen loon was almost all gone,
that is till we got yet another snowstorm,
my workaholic master making me yet another frozen form,
saying this one will last longer since its an abominable snowman,
This time this particular form was even taller,
making me feel even punier and a whole lot smaller,
and instead of waiting for the form to throw a stick,
this form had branches that were like 6 inches thick,
Since my past experience with the other looney form,
this time I got smart and was filled with cynicism and scorn,
thinking if this loon thinks I'm going to wait to play fetch and freeze,
well I'll just tell him he's just barking up the wrong tree!
12-18-16
8/10/17
Be careful what you ask for
Next thing you know it wasn't all that great, or you want even more
This isn't the same old spiel
I'll tell you something real
Everyone has an 'Achilles heel'
Speaking the truth, life is rather short
Don't be a poor sport
The ball is in your court
You are really barking up the wrong tree
If you think you're godly
Compared to everybody
Only here once
No ifs ands or buts
All eventually bite the dust
It's not all make believe
From A to Z
Others will always meddle
I don't care if you believe in god or the devil
Better grasp the nettle
Instead of trying to always settle
If you want to reach a higher level
Again
I'll hit the nail on the head
Don't get misled
We all wind up dead
I'm going to call it a day
But not going to throw it all away
The relationship between us began to thaw,
my thoughts tumbled in my head,
making and breaking alliances,
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Talking and thinking became to me,
like the open page of a monthly magazine.
Your picture is silent, standing before me
like a little statuesque figure.
I fell for you like my heart was a mob informant,
and you were the East River.
I deeply love you.
when you speak,
I thought I heard bells,
as if you were a garbage truck backing up.
After you dumped me,
my heart hung heavily,
restless as a blue-bottle fly on a warm summer's day.
Your kisses was the flowers of love in bloom,
your laughter was the music of my soul.
My heart swelled with a sea of tears,
my dreams were flowers to which you were a bee.
I know that I have barking up the wrong tree,
But please excuse my French.
You left me with silence that seemed heavy and dark,
like a passing cloud.
Your charms lay like metals in a mine and
you gave me such chill embraces,
as the snow-covered heights receive from clouds.
You left me with vague thoughts,
that stream shapelessly through my mind,
like long sad vapors through the twilight sky.
Your name cuts into my soul like a knife and left me,
like a wounded snake drags its slow length along.
I am in so much pain!
I hate the fact that at least I didn't have a chance to see you,
to talk to you, to look into his eyes,
and to hug me.
I never imagined I can feel so much pain and disrepair.
All I want is to see you and touch you one more time.
I don't know how long it will last all this pain,
but I am sure it will be a long way on my way to healing.
Tears, photos and memories - all you have left...
There are a lot of different breeds.
A dog is a very common
four legged-animal
often kept by people,
used to guard or hunt
but this female is compare
with Einstein and other genius
mix with doberman
was used in Panama
as founder of Noriega mass graves.
When ferocious barking
up the wrong tree
is reward by her mon (a woman).
This forensic dog
is a great holiday spender,
eats lot´s of pizzas
and can replace
men in his job.
10/31/22
I've weathered rough storms
Always high and drunk or
Trying to have love form
I was once torn
All this B.S. occurs out my front door
You've woken up the beast, now you're done for
You've no idea what's in store
Just may be guts and gore
Time I smoke and drink some more
All these dumb whores
Meanwhile constantly with punks I war
You'll be unable to prevent it
Before there can be any friendship
It all ends quick
Meanwhile too much crap they remain obsessed with
Not all shall be nice
Something off I was able to see twice
Underneath streetlights
Over the span of three nights
By going to extreme heights
I learned valuable lessons for a cheap price
Nearly each time
Often turns to violence, rarely is there peace signs
Seen by my keen eyes
For the remainder, need to be wise
Against these guys
Since in the end eventually we die
Still she tries
But I'm going to make her take a deep dive
Since she is barking up the wrong tree line
Trying to mess with the whole beehive
No need to read in-between the lines
I've seen why, they do it no need to try
The same said falling for it and believing lies
Too late to worry about me, I'm eating fine
Nothing singled out
Or leading to bigger doubt
I've had opportunity to think about
While out in nature or a house by a sink and couch
Where I would smoke and drink large amounts
Now I know
It's not just how it goes
Much of it I've outgrown
And the rest of it, I've been the town joke
Behind clouds of smoke
Beyond a clown or folk
Always the one they doubt the most
Just like with everything there's a price to pay
She brought me warmth and lighted my day
Right away
It's nice to say
But then she left me in the dark
Like they all do before I can make a mark
By now we're worlds apart
Yet it still hurts my heart
Because I'm tossed away to collect dust before I could start
Oh well I continue and swim on
Regardless of if I live long
Rarely if ever I did wrong
Took endless work to become this strong
There are a lot of different breeds of dog,
A dog is a very common four legged-animal
That is often kept by people
Or used to guard
Or hunt things
but this female dog
Is a forensic dog
compare with Einstein
According to National Geographic channel
and other genius
mix with Dobermans
was used in Panama
as founder
of Noriega mass graves.
When ferocious barking up the wrong tree
is always
reward by her mon (a woman)
is a great holiday spender,
eats lot´s of pizzas
and can replace
men in his job.
You say you need your space, room to breathe
You turn completely cold, I begin to freeze
You now smile and yell I am finally free
You say... What about me
You say all these years I have trapped you and held you back
My heart is now the train that has gone off track
You say it's over and that I am barking up the wrong tree
You say... What about me
I tell you forget it, my feelings aren't important enough to share
Even though you are here, you are no longer there
You say you want me to beg on bended knees
You say... What about me
You say you have nothing left to give
It's time for me to move on, learn to live to love or love to live
I will no longer experience emotions cutting so deeply
You say... What about me
I feel as if three years have been wasted away
Our stage in life is a tragic end to a disappointing play
You say you've found the right man to ignite your heart's fire
You say he will fulfill your innemost desires
You say we have grown tired of one another, to this we agree
You say... What about me
LOVE LETTER by James Edward Lee Sr.
C-My name is Meow and I am a calico cat now
C-And I am not ashamed to say I'm in love with a dog wow!
C-Covered in maimed I shall rise
C-This handsome pooch comes over licks me on my face and eyes
D-My name is Bow Wow and I'm a golden receiver, yeah I'm fine
D-And I'm not ashamed to show and tell the world I luv you
C-I'm a feline and I am also glad to announce that too are mine
D-Come on here little kitty, let me share my shoe wit ya, ma Boo!
D-I'm writing you this love letter
D-With my pen in paw I'm sayN I love my kitten
D-We shall hang out on the couch
D-I may even for you catch you a mouse
D-I will not be "ruff" with you
D-I'll share bouncing balls and twine and strings
D-You're the cat's meow, my darling
C-And Bow Wow you too are my boo
D-I love you so Meow
D-Your my Calico kitten
C-I love more Bow Wow
C-Your my dog chowder
D-Love you more than Blue Diamond or Purina
D-I will not be "ruff" with you
D-I'll share bouncing balls and twine and strings
C-You're the cat's meow, my darling
C-And Bow Wow you too are my boo
C-Purrr, purr, and your not barking up the wrong tree
C-I am truly in love with you
D-Come on over so we can chase
D-So when we're done we can embrace
D-I'm writing you this love letter
D-With my pen in paw I'm sayN I love my kitten
D-We shall hang out on the chough
D-I may even for you catch you a mouse
C-This is our story let me relinquish
C-I will give you a lick
C-(this is how we kiss)
D-Catch me if you can betcha can't catch me
C-When I climb this tree
D-Come here kitten
D-Read my love letter
Vocal written letter
C-Cat
D-Dog
11/05/17
FOR CONTEST: Love Letter
Sponsored by: Viv Wigley
Creative Writing was my love,
a passion I thought highly of.
A freshman, I felt I could shove
one course in my school year.
Assignment 1 - simple indeed:
"Who broke your heart and made it bleed?"
I felt I nailed it; Prof agreed
(or so it would appear)...
I think I wrote convincingly -
"Winter is not my cup of tea,
it casts its bread upon the sea,
my saddest time of year.
I call a halt, enough's enough!
I clench my fist and call her bluff,
and frankly, speaking off the cuff
I wished summer were here.
"Dog days of summer make me smile
when, grinning like a crocodile,
my smiles are wider than the Nile -
Elysian Days with you.
With bated breath, I'd greet the moon
and croon you some soft summer tune
until that wretched day in June
when you dealt me a blow.
"My love, you had me on cloud nine,
now casting pearls before the swine,
you ran into his arms, not mine;
my baptism by fire.
You left me there sadder than sad;
there may be balm in Gilead,
but you left me stark, raving mad,
about to go haywire.
"To add insult to injury
you said I barked up the wrong tree
and so I sailed on glassy sea
I hope I'm not too vague,
or should I spell it out for you?
In light of your foul witch's brew
I should do as the Romans do:
avoid you like the plague!"
Thus it went on, emotions raw.
I hoped my prof would be in awe -
My last line was the coup de grace:
I know this, too, shall pass.
My gentle prof, he had his ways
of pointing out my bland clichés:
"You do enjoy a well-worn phrase!"
I learned a lot that class.
// Reminiscing on my patient Creative Writing professor indicating my over-reliance on tired phrases //
written 16 Aug 2020
The entertainer of my eyes
Deep in my heart you dwell
A blessing in disguise
In the strange world with you beside me
When afraid in your embrace I seek comfort
Tell me I do not bark up the wrong tree
None but you lovely Bridget
In my dreams together we always feast
The obsession for you please do not prohibit
You are a daily visitor in my dreamland
With love symbol you decorated my humble ring finger
You make me feel thing even I don’t understand
You occupy every thought of my mind
My heart you electrify with joy and happiness
Indeed in every sea of thought I sail it’s you I find
High pressure injection of fluid into solid rock
Our human race a labyrinth of sweet flora root-bound within
The oak and sycamore shaking off early morning dew
© Harry J Horsman 2018
dead ends and crop circles
split ends and dark circles
everyone thinks i'm a mirror
i'm not the mirror, you are
lock me in your basement
i've got a strange, sick craving
in the painting, the heads are above me
but it's my blood they're using, you see
i remember being the one who killed the buzz
you remember me, the one you'd never thought could kill cuz
i used to have feelings but now i'm on medication
i don't need p*rn, cuz i have my imagination
rippin ur hair out at the thought of me not being what u think babe
i clash with ur c*m cuz i ain't sweeeet
i always carry these knives babe
you could kill me and i'd still live
ur a dog barkin up the wrong tree
ur a wolf howlin at the wrong moon
i remember being the one who killed the buzz
you remember me, the one you'd never thought could kill cuz
i used to have feelings but now i'm on medication
i don't need p*rn, cuz i have my imagination
rippin ur hair out at the thought of me not being what u think babe
i clash with ur c*m cuz i aint sweeeet
i've got chains wrapped around my thoughts
you've got a different set, around your doubts
like a flower that eats the flies
put your finger down my throat and see the truth arise
cuz i'm just acid in a body
Wynken Blynken and Nod???
(ah...oh methinks this pissant pooch woof lee
barked up the wrong tree –
reed don my mongrel friend)
This poetic endeavor doth not boast nor brag
to take digs on front page
headline grabbing news, nonetheless dag
nab bit significant dysfunction prevails
when bodily energy
does shutterfly like a black flag
without rapid eye movement,
this lix spittle chap
feels like an old hag
whereat every friggin bone (er)
in this straggly, mangy, and creaky ship
of state feels like jag
head shards piercing thine flesh
with pronounced jet lag
and reacts with
the slightest provocation
like a curmudgeonly
cranky compromised nag,
yet, this muttering mouth foaming
flea bitten doggone chow barker
bows down in (toto) obeisance
(like an obedient Dachshund)
tail wagging, trump petting,
and snout sniffing out provenance
on par with the smell of new sofa despite
fur vent angry ma
stiff masta paws zing
aghast at dog eared, glom haired,
and icky stained new furniture,
how petty, versus slumber
lest awakening the Cerberus within,
hence faux long enough
to excel as the top notch mix breed
boxer golden retriever terrier
male delivery postbag
(as taught at canine obedient school)
upon spilling contents,
the bulk of printed material
detailing importance,
sans letting sleeping
Canis lupus familiaris lye undisturbed,
especially after a bath
when pooch resembles
a limp dish rag
all apropos hot (gravy trained) relevant
topics for instance,
when feeling sleep deprived
detailing how to shepherd
and summon the snoop doggy dog
inchoate hounding gnarly
Marley elusive dream
fostering feigning fearsome nightmare
asper getting lost without a name tag.
This is my apology
To all of my family
Who spent their hard earned currency
For my education willingly
I started out initially
Seeking an Accounting degree
Then Finance was my destiny
But switched to, um, oh let me see
Next I tried Philosophy
And read Plato and Socrates
But there was no way I’d agree
With their thoughts entirely
I undertook Psychology
As a Sigmund Freud wannabe
But found his ego had simply
Gone far beyond the likes of me
I had a go at Sociology
But when linking the bourgeoisie
To the simple chimpanzee
I was far up the wrong tree
So next there was Psychiatry
In which I’d earn a PHD
But there was no way I could see
How drugs could cure a malady
So then I picked Astronomy
With all those far off galaxies
But no one there could guarantee
That we’d get to visit Mercury
And when I switched to History
I learned tales of war and misery
But in time that stuff bored me
Coz man repeats the same story
I then sampled Physiology
But switched to the Anatomy
Tried Biology, and Chemistry,
Zoology, and Botany
But all those subjects, truthfully
Where not within my pedigree
Even though they’d pay handsomely
They would never be my cup of tea
At last I chose, curiosity
Coz that would be the best for me
With a minor in rhyme-ology
And since then have lived quite happily