Best Toupees Poems

When I shop for an automobile,
I don’t worry much about speed.
Good mileage per gallon I want.
A van or a truck I don’t need!

So I guess if shopped for a spouse
the way that I shop for a car,
that means that my man wouldn’t need
much fuel, but...

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Modern Vanity

tracks
weaves
hair color
fingernails
manicures
pedicures
inflated buttocks and lips
sculptured hips
workout
aerobic
liftup
tuckin
sixpacks
jog
rotate
walk
perspire
maintain
get that body
night masks
contour sticks
Facetime
Facebook
facelift
Instagram
Twitter
tummy tucks
lap bands
gastric by-pass
designer clothes
sports cars
convertibles
Teslas
toupees
tattoos
Men’s Club
blue pills
anything else?

7/18/17

Facebook and Twitter are creating a vain generation of self-obsessed people with child-like need for feedback, warns top scientist....

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The average person laughs 13 times a day
I laugh a lot more often than that
In fact I probably hold the world record
Maybe three or four times that in fact

A katydid hears through holes in its hind legs
You really must be trying to jazz me
What kind...

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I killed the earth last night,
with my unregistered gun and I joined
rich men with toupees, and backbones 
of little boys. 
I killed the earth last night,
by bringing my .38 caliber to school.
Bang. Bang.
I killed the earth, and danced to the tune of
slam,
the bodies falling to...

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A goldfish has a memory of about three seconds
Very much like senior citizens I'd say
They're often seen aimlessly walking the streets
Wearing their dear wife's negligee

A sneeze has been recorded at travelling over
One hundred forty feet per second
Fast enough to knock a buzzard off a poop...

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For time, space cannot the opportunity squander
With streaming video distant love grows much fonder
Magnetic beams glint through the wild blue yonder
Grainy, jittery images oft-forsaken hearts to ponder
Air waves blipping images through bleary transponder
Eerie prescience of the whole, but piecemeal shapes do launder
Irony, modern technology, 1930's...

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“I WILL OBEY”


stack the legos
make the towers
bury the money
build the server
send the message
the dandelion’s on fire.

tonight,
the code goes out
the message is clear
the message is coded
the megaphones were charged.

walk the blueprint of my home
listen to the frying pan cry
the due date on the digital 
service bill...

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Peace and love lots of slang man
I'm feeling groovy tonight
I was a flower child still stand
wishing we could all unite
although they protested
in their maxi dresses
and were getting arrested
I would've avoided those messes
mag wheels and jacked up cars
green shaggy carpet
matching kitchen appliances with bars
long hair and...

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A barber in county Kildare,
both drinking and doing their hair,
cut till they were bald.
'Don't worry,' he called,
'Eight quid includes toupees to wear.'

for Joseph's limerick contest, written 22nd January...

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Harlots on Harleys
Barbies on broomsticks
Midgets on widgets
Buddha on Broadway

Leaders in leotards
Players in playpens
Twinkies in Slinkies
Christ in Cabaret

Temptation of teddies
Tyranny of toupees
Ecstasy of ecstasy
Yahoo of Yahweh 

Widows with whiskey
Yoda with yen
Saviors with favors
Zeros with Zen...

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Pierre's upscale wig shoppe sells fine toupees
Gus said, "This one I want to buy today."
   Gus was ready to spit
   'Cos his wig didn't fit
Pierre smiled ~ "First get a haircut, OK?"...

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A goldfish has a memory of three seconds
Very much like senior citizens I'd say
They're often seen aimlessly walking the streets
Wearing their wife's negligee

A sneeze has been recorded at travelling over
One hundred forty feet per second
Fast enough to knock a buzzard off a poop wagon
An amazing...

Continue reading...

The average person laughs 13 times a day
I laugh a lot more often than that
In fact I probably hold the world record
Maybe three or four times that in fact

A katydid hears through holes in its hind legs
You really must be trying to jazz me
What kind...

Continue reading...

Everything's bigger in Texas they say
Bed bugs drive cars and cows can sashay
And now for the best
Ladies have big breasts
Causing men to drool and lose their toupees...

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In Texas, everything's bigger they say
Bed bugs drive cars and cows can sashay
And now for the best
Ladies have big breasts
Causing men to drool and lose their toupees...

Continue reading...