Best Toupees Poems

When I shop for an automobile,
I don’t worry much about speed.
Good mileage per gallon I want.
A van or a truck I don’t need!

So I guess...

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Modern Vanity

tracks
weaves
hair color
fingernails
manicures
pedicures
inflated buttocks and lips
sculptured hips
workout
aerobic
liftup
tuckin
sixpacks
jog
rotate
walk
perspire
maintain
get that body
night masks
contour sticks
Facetime
Facebook
facelift
Instagram
Twitter
tummy tucks
lap bands
gastric by-pass
designer clothes
sports cars
convertibles
Teslas
toupees
tattoos
Men’s Club
blue pills
anything else?

7/18/17

Facebook and Twitter are creating a vain...

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The average person laughs 13 times a day
I laugh a lot more often than that
In fact I probably hold the world record
Maybe three or four...

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I killed the earth last night,
with my unregistered gun and I joined
rich men with toupees, and backbones 
of little boys. 
I killed the earth last...

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A goldfish has a memory of about three seconds
Very much like senior citizens I'd say
They're often seen aimlessly walking the streets
Wearing their dear wife's negligee

A...

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For time, space cannot the opportunity squander
With streaming video distant love grows much fonder
Magnetic beams glint through the wild blue yonder
Grainy, jittery images oft-forsaken hearts...

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“I WILL OBEY”


stack the legos
make the towers
bury the money
build the server
send the message
the dandelion’s on fire.

tonight,
the code goes out
the message is clear
the message is coded
the...

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Peace and love lots of slang man
I'm feeling groovy tonight
I was a flower child still stand
wishing we could all unite
although they protested
in their maxi dresses
and...

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A barber in county Kildare,
both drinking and doing their hair,
cut till they were bald.
'Don't worry,' he called,
'Eight quid includes toupees to wear.'

for Joseph's limerick contest,...

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Pierre's upscale wig shoppe sells fine toupees
Gus said, "This one I want to buy today."
   Gus was ready to spit
   'Cos...

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Harlots on Harleys
Barbies on broomsticks
Midgets on widgets
Buddha on Broadway

Leaders in leotards
Players in playpens
Twinkies in Slinkies
Christ in Cabaret

Temptation of teddies
Tyranny of toupees
Ecstasy of ecstasy
Yahoo of Yahweh...

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A goldfish has a memory of three seconds
Very much like senior citizens I'd say
They're often seen aimlessly walking the streets
Wearing their wife's negligee

A sneeze has...

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The average person laughs 13 times a day
I laugh a lot more often than that
In fact I probably hold the world record
Maybe three or four...

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Everything's bigger in Texas they say
Bed bugs drive cars and cows can sashay
And now for the best
Ladies have big breasts
Causing men to drool and lose...

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In Texas, everything's bigger they say
Bed bugs drive cars and cows can sashay
And now for the best
Ladies have big breasts
Causing men to drool and lose...

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